Tasteless Jokes - Page 35

footfootfoot · 08-06-2011, 08:18 PM

Hi marks for tasteless, barely qualifies as a joke though.

ZenGum · 08-06-2011, 08:35 PM

"Polak", isn't it? Or "Polack"?

ZenGum · 08-06-2011, 08:36 PM

'cause the Po' lack a lot of things.

I crack me up.

Sundae · 08-07-2011, 04:53 AM

I'm glad you mentioned merging the thread, because I could not work out why I made such a poe-faced response in The Tastless Jokes thread!

We haven't had any in a while.
C'mon, there are plenty of natural disasters going on, shouldn't jokes be pouring in?
(My excuse is that I'm on holiday until September, and my Mum won't forward things to me any more because I tell her off if they're racist or sexist (and not funny). Same as I don't get glurge, emails bout Jebus or anything she suspects I will immediately debunk.

Fair enough, just now I don't know what crazy shit she takes for fact....

Rhianne · 08-07-2011, 07:36 AM

I watched a recording of Amy Winehouse's funeral on TV last night. It was very moving, particularly when Elton John played his specially re-written version of Candle Under the Spoon.

footfootfoot · 08-07-2011, 08:54 AM

snicker

infinite monkey · 08-08-2011, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKlyde

OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

JB's joke spake: Bring all the goys to the yard.

footfootfoot · 08-08-2011, 10:35 AM

you have outdone yourself, infy

GunMaster357 · 08-10-2011, 05:37 AM

What's the difference between a Western lift and a Somalian one ?

In Western countries, it is written: "Maximum: 8 persons / 630 Kg".

GunMaster357 · 08-19-2011, 08:43 AM

Why did the Greek son leave home? Because his father was always on his back.

Why did the son come back? He couldn't leave his brother's behind.

footfootfoot · 08-19-2011, 12:23 PM

Why did he leave again?
He couldn't take it in the end.

Gravdigr · 08-19-2011, 02:34 PM

Don't make fun of him, it's just the way he was reared.

Spexxvet · 08-19-2011, 02:57 PM

But, but, but....

GunMaster357 · 08-22-2011, 06:16 AM

Sounding like a diesel...

Crimson Ghost · 08-22-2011, 10:43 PM

Old Sol Finkelstein, what a man.
At 15, he survived Bergen-Belsen only to be sent to Auschwitz.
He was on a detail that cleared out the gas chambers, and transported the bodies to the crematorium.
When the Allies liberated the camp, he walked 20 kilometers, barefoot, to a village where he was able to get medical treatment.
A year later, he managed to get himself to England, and there he hopped a tramp steamer to New York.
He worked 12 hours a day, and saved his money, and eventually bought a deli.
He worked in the deli for 50 years, meeting all sorts of people.
Mayor Lindsey.
Andy Warhol.
Johnny Carson.
John and Yoko.
At night, he trained for the Golden Gloves.
As a sparring partner, he knocked out Jack Dempsey, Cassius Clay, and George Foreman.
He went on to win the Golden Gloves on four separate occasions, earning himself the nickname "The Tough Jew".
Finally, he decided to sell the deli and retire.
The first week in Florida, he hits the Powerball for 304 million bucks.
The TV reporters love the story, and set up a news conference with him.
They relate his history, and ask him "What's the first thing you're going to do?"
"Well, I'm goin' build a statue honoring Adolph Hitler."
"What? You're kidding! Why him, of all people?"
Sol rolls up his left sleeve, exposing the number tattooed on his forearm.
"Well, he did give me the winning numbers..."

08-06-2011, 08:18 PM	#511
footfootfoot This Space For Rent Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street Posts: 14,236	Hi marks for tasteless, barely qualifies as a joke though. __________________ ...this reads like a cross between Cosmopolitan's 'ten ways to please your man' and a suicide note written by Nostradamus on a coke binge. - Flint

08-06-2011, 08:35 PM	#512
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,478	"Polak", isn't it? Or "Polack"? __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

08-06-2011, 08:36 PM	#513
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,478	'cause the Po' lack a lot of things. I crack me up. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

08-07-2011, 08:54 AM	#516
footfootfoot This Space For Rent Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street Posts: 14,236	snicker __________________ ...this reads like a cross between Cosmopolitan's 'ten ways to please your man' and a suicide note written by Nostradamus on a coke binge. - Flint

08-08-2011, 10:35 AM	#518
footfootfoot This Space For Rent Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street Posts: 14,236	you have outdone yourself, infy __________________ ...this reads like a cross between Cosmopolitan's 'ten ways to please your man' and a suicide note written by Nostradamus on a coke binge. - Flint

08-07-2011, 04:53 AM	#514
Sundae Co-Strawberry Festival Queen Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ye Olde Englande Posts: 20,302	I'm glad you mentioned merging the thread, because I could not work out why I made such a poe-faced response in The Tastless Jokes thread! We haven't had any in a while. C'mon, there are plenty of natural disasters going on, shouldn't jokes be pouring in? (My excuse is that I'm on holiday until September, and my Mum won't forward things to me any more because I tell her off if they're racist or sexist (and not funny). Same as I don't get glurge, emails bout Jebus or anything she suspects I will immediately debunk. Fair enough, just now I don't know what crazy shit she takes for fact....

08-07-2011, 07:36 AM	#515
Rhianne Nearly done. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Teetering on the edge. Posts: 999	I watched a recording of Amy Winehouse's funeral on TV last night. It was very moving, particularly when Elton John played his specially re-written version of Candle Under the Spoon.

08-10-2011, 05:37 AM	#519
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	What's the difference between a Western lift and a Somalian one ? In Western countries, it is written: "Maximum: 8 persons / 630 Kg". __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

08-19-2011, 08:43 AM	#520
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Why did the Greek son leave home? Because his father was always on his back. Why did the son come back? He couldn't leave his brother's behind. __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

08-19-2011, 12:23 PM	#521
footfootfoot This Space For Rent Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street Posts: 14,236	Why did he leave again? He couldn't take it in the end. __________________ ...this reads like a cross between Cosmopolitan's 'ten ways to please your man' and a suicide note written by Nostradamus on a coke binge. - Flint

08-19-2011, 02:34 PM	#522
Gravdigr The Great Offender Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 12,021	Don't make fun of him, it's just the way he was reared. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-19-2011, 02:57 PM	#523
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 9,464	But, but, but.... __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

08-22-2011, 06:16 AM	#524
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Sounding like a diesel... __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

08-22-2011, 10:43 PM	#525
Crimson Ghost always is, was, and ever shall be Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Northern NJ Posts: 4,469	Old Sol Finkelstein, what a man. At 15, he survived Bergen-Belsen only to be sent to Auschwitz. He was on a detail that cleared out the gas chambers, and transported the bodies to the crematorium. When the Allies liberated the camp, he walked 20 kilometers, barefoot, to a village where he was able to get medical treatment. A year later, he managed to get himself to England, and there he hopped a tramp steamer to New York. He worked 12 hours a day, and saved his money, and eventually bought a deli. He worked in the deli for 50 years, meeting all sorts of people. Mayor Lindsey. Andy Warhol. Johnny Carson. John and Yoko. At night, he trained for the Golden Gloves. As a sparring partner, he knocked out Jack Dempsey, Cassius Clay, and George Foreman. He went on to win the Golden Gloves on four separate occasions, earning himself the nickname "The Tough Jew". Finally, he decided to sell the deli and retire. The first week in Florida, he hits the Powerball for 304 million bucks. The TV reporters love the story, and set up a news conference with him. They relate his history, and ask him "What's the first thing you're going to do?" "Well, I'm goin' build a statue honoring Adolph Hitler." "What? You're kidding! Why him, of all people?" Sol rolls up his left sleeve, exposing the number tattooed on his forearm. "Well, he did give me the winning numbers..." __________________ *Kraut Pride World Wide* We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I don't know if I'm alive and dreaming, or dead and remembering. Death has a dignity all its own.

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