Frustration of a trapped person is huge and bottling it can really wear a person down. Although a person knows having a rage fit is wrong, he can't control it. But the cup has thrice overflown its limit, so steam sometimes come out in order for the person to stay sane.

:flower:Say what you mean. Mean what you say and perhaps the hardest- Don't be mean when you say it.

Nasty joint pain in fingers, knuckles, and elbows, sharp and lancinating followed by an ache like you just shut the car door on your hand ... ow. OW.

Arimidex does this 'severely' to 1 in 5 women who take it, and 'moderately' to another 1 in 5. I've been hoping to be one of the lucky other 3, but it seems my luck is doing its usual thing. (This is the reason I rarely buy lottery tickets. I'm the Primrose Everdeen of unlucky draws.) On the upside, I have very few hot flashes with Arimidex. I've actually felt chilly, even cold!! since being on it. And the blast furnace only flashes over once or twice a day.

I'll give it another week or two. I can always go back on tamoxifen if it gets too bad, but Arimidex is better at preventing recurrence.

Ouch. And you'd be taking this forever? Or just for a few months/years?

At least ten years. By then they'll probably have decided it has to be forever. :(

Either one is a nasty prospect over ten years. Tamoxifen doesn't work as well and raises my risk of blood clots, cataracts, and retinopathy (uncommon but as I say, I'm the Primrose Everdeen of side effects). Both cause hot flashes and joint pain, although for me the tamoxifen is crazy for hot flashes and the Arimidex looks bad for joint pain.* Arimidex contributes to osteoporosis; tamoxifen doesn't. Both may cause hair thinning/loss (oh, joy! - although that hasn't happened after 6 months of tamoxifen).

If I could reduce my risk of recurrence to a comparable degree using soy, I'd do it and take neither med. There are a couple of studies out of China suggesting that women with high soy intake get no further benefit from tamoxifen, but there are uncontrolled factors like previous diet and soy intake ... it's not clear that those results would translate to North American women.

*eta - 'looks bad' is an understatement - couldn't sleep last night, woke this morning feeling like I've been trampled by a horse. Now my shoulders, back, knees, and feet ache as well. Aleve in prescription doses doesn't touch it. I suspect the decision is being made for me - the question will be whether to continue tamoxifen with its various risks.

On the bright side, in 10 years it will probably be recalled and/or replaced with some kinder gentler substitute.

I hope that will be the case, Bruce.

At the rate they've been coming out with new drugs that do the same thing as several others already on the market, there's a pretty good chance.
I'd assume the odds of any replacement being more compatible with your personal chemistry should be 50%, buts that's just odds. Someone steeped in chemistry might think the odds don't apply to drugs.

Strangely, the joint pain issue is intermittent. It disappeared for several days, then came back for 48 hours a couple days ago. It's very nasty when it's present. Now I'll have to wait and see what sort of pattern it follows and whether it'll be infrequent enough to be worth staying on.

Do joints ease your pain?

Hahaha I have no idea. Maybe I could make an argument for joints to help my joints.

I dropped my Seattle Space Needle ash tray (the one that I put my weed in) and it broke. WAAAAAH!

Sadface

By this time, so did most everyone that ever had one. :right:

Can I whine for a minute?

I'm so freaking tired of everything. I don't know to what I should attribute this feeling. Of course, with my diagnosis of major depressive disorder, it seems obvious. But I'm taking the medications.

I'm feeling useless because I'm not working. I'm not dealing with the loss of my mom, not very well, anyway. I can't stand myself. I can't stand being alone all the time (and at the same time I like 'alone' time.) I 'need' but I can't ask. It feels like everything is falling down around me. And just me. Yeah, I KNOW other people have problems. Not one of us is immune., and probably a lot of people feel the way I do. I know it could be so much worse. I know in my heart that I am not alone in these feelings. But I used to have moments of clarity. Moments when I liked myself, felt like I had something to offer.

I realize it's mostly the depression talking. It's only been a little over a week I lost my mom. Do you think spring will bring a renewal of hope?

I'm not suicidal. I want to live. I wouldn't hurt my family like that. But my gawd I wish I saw some sort of light ahead. I always have said that you never know what can happen, from day to day. But day after day goes by and I feel like nothing will ever change. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, seems like a giant chore.

Well, thanks for listening. Maybe it'll help just talking about it. More likely: I'll kick myself for putting myself out there like this.

Any chance of shaking things up a bit? A road trip to sunnier environs might be an assist.

:grouphug:

You just lost your mom. It's the bleak mid winter. We're in the middle of a recession and you don't have a job. You would be insane not to feel down about it all.

But you know intellectually that things change, and this too will pass eventually. It's hard to see that when there's so much shit right now. But it will get better.

Meanwhile, it sounds trite, but think about the positive things. It's hard to see them, but they are there. Your family. Your nieces.

And this also sounds trite, but are you getting enough exercise? There is a connection between mind and body, and getting moving will make you feel better mentally as well as physically. It's not a guilt thing. Don't feel guilty if you aren't active, just view it as an opportunity. At least one thing you can take control of.

I don't think that's trite, it's all about getting your body chemistry right.

I love that song!

edit: actually, I love the original version of that song from the first movie.

I put this on the Smart Board for my kids sometimes. Picture an integrated classroom of little kids break dancing.. pretty damn cool.

ShitFuck.

I rolled over a deer the other day, ok two weeks ago, and I just heard from the adjuster. The car is totalled and they'll give me about $2500 for it, and I get to keep it. (I want to since I just put new snows on it to the tune of 750.) I get a new title showing that the car was junked.

I could drive the car around but there is no exhaust and it is as loud as the hammers of hell. Putting a new exhaust on it would only solve part of the problem, the deer ripped out the undercarriage because it was all rusty and would not have passed inspection anyway.

So now I have to find a new car and I've only got $2500 to spend. Even though I have steady work I doubt I could get a bank loan since my monthly nut is about $100 more than I make.

I'm seriously thinking about moving back into my house and just ignoring my wife.

Crap shitfuckpiss and corruption.

balls

Damn deer.

I'm sorry foot.

ShitFuck indeed.

Sorry about your car Foot.

im, the spring always does come around, and it always renews. You can count on that.

footer, what a treat you have been given! For a while I thought I might have to buy a $2000 car and I studied the Craigslists and how they operate. I found it was great fun. In that price range, most are people who are hopeful they can get any dollar for their absolute piece of shit... but then there are that 5%, people who have a diamond in the rough that they don't know the value of.

My favorite, and I almost pulled the trigger on it, was a Subie with 100K that was only 7 years old and had a bad head gasket. The seller wanted $1000 to get rid of it because they were clearly annoyed at the car. Sounded like it had a bunch of issues all at around the same time, and then this big one.

Well, that's kinda what happens a lot at 7 years in, but sometimes you put in all the fixes and it's good for another 100K. I thought: $1000 for the car, $75 to tow it to my mechanic, $1000 for the repair and it would be worth about $5000. Not bad.

If you could find enough of these, you could make a living at it. But that is pretty rare right there.

Just for laughs I looked at the Hyundai Elantra GT which is a fairly sexy car. I was bummed to see that it is only 4 cyl and 2.0L engine. WTF? do they think I'm only going to be driving downhill?

I don't think they make a 6 anymore and 2.4L is the biggest engine they've got, mostly they are 2.0L

I miss my 2.7L already. The rental car I've got is a 2014 VW Jetta and that is faster than a motherf*cker.

eta: I just checked and that is a 2.0L 4cyl, so who knows?

I've got some figgerin' out to do.

Damn, foot, that really sucks. I'm sorry.
But those 2.0L 4cyl engines can make it up most hills ... test drive that Elantra before you give up on it. And knowing what you do about cars, UT's suggestion is a good one - you could pick up something easily fixable that someone else is ready to junk through ignorance.

Agreed.

And even if you can't (immediately) change your body chemistry, you can get your body POSTURE right.

Gotta change my hair colour.
I knew I'd have to really, but I did hope I might have dodged the bullet, given I've worked two shifts already.
Nope, was called in for a "chat".

Luckily it was with O, who I think is the gay.
He loves my hair. And I love him.
He is currently using brown tinted dry shampoo to tone down his own bleached blond coiff.

They expected me to change it before my next shift!
Excuse me, I came in to do overtime today and I'm starting at 06.00 tomorrow (more overtime, which is YAY for me) but really?
We agreed I would do what I could before tomorrow morning, but I would sort it by Sunday latest. What I can do tonight is post on the Cellar, maybe watch a bit of TV and sleep.

What I can do by Sunday is....
Well, beg the 'rents to add hair colour to their shopping list.
I have enough to keep Diz and me on our collective feet until the end of the month and that's about it.

Why did I not make back-up plans when I knew I'd be asked to change my hair colour?
Okay, it does turn out that it's a little more stubborn than I expected. I'm piebald at the moment - the back is close to silver, which I think would be acceptable, but the front is still lilac. And like I say, I had an outside chance that because it's a pastel shade it might be winked at.
Oh yes, and did I ever mention I'm stupid with money and wanted to pretend the rest of January didn't exist when I was on my holiday ;)

Awwww.....so what color is acceptable for them? Pink, maybe? Hehe.....

I wish!

Am back to ice-blonde again, although I got the bargain of the year - Superdrug were selling a Light Ash Blonde hair colour for 60p (usual price for hair colour is <£4)
As all I wanted to do was remove the coloured rinse from my hair it was perfect - it's gone back to the colour it was before.

Stone being bummed today because I wanted Dana to come and see Ghost Stories with me (Cellar link). It's back on in the West End.
There are very good reasons why she can't, completely genuine. So I'm not upset or irritated or any of that.
It just would have been ice-cool. Like my hair.

Well, you look good as ice blonde too. I need to dye my hair again. Should I try being blonde?

Maybe if you had bought a red convertible...

Hey, I don't think I look so bad as a blonde. :-D But first, I need to get a red convertible.

Didn't we tell you that?

The kids never listen... sigh.

Well, I would readily comply if I won the mega million.

Fed up with passwords not working.
It means I have to change them (which is never as simple as they like to pretend) and then there's far more chance I'll forget them.

In the last two cases I didn't forget them, they just didn't work.

The first was an online store.
I was sent round in an endless loop which had to be referred onto the IT Team, because the Helpdesk couldn't help and the IT Team don't work over the weekends. 48 hours later I am able to start my online shopping. I mean I can't actually pay for it until Friday, but I wanted a chance to check and compare prices and deals. Which on this particular site you have to log in to do.

And the second was a work/ leisure/ benefits website accessible from home, which I know I had the correct password for as I'd written it down (it's useless without two other pieces of information anyway).
Tried to get my password reset by answering the Forgotten Password questions but it wouldn't let me past the answer page.
And there's NO WAY I got the answer to those questions wrong because they're factual information about my family.
I tried going back to the start, but by then I'd tried too many times and am now locked out.

Contact the Administrator.
Hmmmm. Who he? (she?).
No details anywhere I can access without a password it seems.
So I can't do what I had planned, which was check my hours this week, check my annual leave for next year or check what discounts are available on flights/ holidays in order to start thinking about what to do with said annual leave.

So it's not really all that important. It's just frustrating not to be able to do what I want, when I want, when technology is supposed to make everything easier.

Couldn't be arsed to make a new thread called What is making you slightly dizzy and giving you head rushes today?

I think I must have forgotten to take one or more of my performance enhancing meds for the past couple of days. I'm feeling dizzy and head-rushy lately.

Maybe it's the sertraline or buproprion?

It's not a great idea to suddenly discontinue/miss multiple doses of either one.

Well I can't say it started out as an idea, more like garden variety forgetfulness.

Just restart asap but don't double up on doses. Both meds have fairly short (less than 24-hours) half-lives, which explains your symptoms. After 2-3 days you should be on a more even keel.

3F - It's easier to get back on track by shooting a gram of meth for 2 or 3 days, then start your meds. I promise it will fix you up!!

Just go for the Drano, Foot, it's safer.

still no news from the company I interviewed with.

I refrained from checking my email on Friday. On Monday, I lasted until 5 pm. Today, 11 am, and a few times thereafter.

So nervous. I'm (mentally) spending my first (couple) check(s) already, but there will be no delivery until I get a bona fide offer.


aaauuuuugh!

Congrats on the mammoth tusk. There's that.

You had to poke that. Thanks.

Poke. Poke. What is the mammoth tusk?

They found one in Seattle during a construction dig. it was just in the news.

Ugh.

First Minifob is sick for going on two weeks now, during which he spent 2 days with a fever over 103 and then another three days with a lesser fever that nonetheless caused him to have to miss school.

Then on his first day back at school, still with a nasty cough but otherwise "well enough" to manage, I wake up feeling like every muscle is simultaneously detaching from my bones, peak at 102.5, and end up sleeping from 3:30 in the afternoon until the next morning.

And now, Minifobette has woken up with a fever, and Mr. Clod says his lymph nodes are swollen. Christ Almighty, I'm tired of this routine. We need to get our quarantine procedures sorted out better.

Just fucking fuck shitballs bollicking fuck oh fuck it.

I'd like to fold my cards and sit this round out. I need to put on my thinking cap and come up with some sort of plan.

I'll be more specific tomorrow when I am at a real keyboard.

O shit

Damn, foot. :(

I'm gonna guess that only an ex can make you swear like that. :( Sorry, man.

No, it's worse than the ex. But nearly as frustrating.

I am still having trouble putting the situation into a coherent narrative but the analogy that springs to mind is what happens when you try to plant a bush or tree or other perennial just outside of its range. It will live but not thrive, all the while slowly succumbing to one after another of a relentless steam of opportune pests, diseases, climatic reversals.

Wow sounds like I am living your life too F3. As soon as you think you have breathing room a nice kick in the gut is just around the corner. :greenface

One thing I will share is that our county has fucked up the property taxes around here for the last 6 years. For 3 years they had everyone assessed at 5 x the amount anything was worth. There were disputes and readjustments. We have been paying provisional in some years to get 'caught up' [?] they still owe me money on our house, but this year is special because they want us to pay two years worth on the farm acres in one year :rolleyes:

This too shall pass ... like a kidney stone...:yelsick:

Ah yes, the drip, drip, drip, kick, drip, drip, kick.

I'm still reeling from the most recent kick.

Twat on a brick, my finances are beyond fucked.

I've had that! :D

It was Baby's patio.

I'm so sorry, Foot. I hope things get better.

Is there anyone who didn't have a shite on a bike day today? I'm kinda surprised I'm still plodding on but I am .....many, many tax returns due, though :(