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Stormieweather 11-09-2011 07:14 PM

@Aliantha - they're not going to make any money on the sale. A short sale means the owner has a hardship and cannot keep up with his mortgage, so the mortgage holder has agreed to a sale for less than the mortgage. The owner gets to walk away without ruining his credit but he doesn't keep a dime.

@Spexxvet and Lamp - I don't want to buy the house. I have no ues for a 4 bedroom house after my oldest daughter moves out, which will probably be in the next couple of years. My financial plan calls for the purchase of a 2 bedroom condo/townhouse with a 15yr mortgage at a certain dollar amount, which is supposed to be paid off when I retire.

I don't blame the owner. He expressed that he really, really didn't want this. It happens all too often in this economy, I had just hoped this wouldn't happen to MY landlord.

We have 30 days notice requirements (both ways), once the lease expires the end of the month and hopefully, I can find another nice house. But it will still cost me a couple grand to get moved, unfortunately. And a lot of sweat!! A lot of people suggest I stop paying rent or not pay the last month's rent, but I won't do that. I always fulfill my legal obligations.

Lamplighter 11-09-2011 07:21 PM

Good on you Stormie... if I had a place, I'd rent to you !

Aliantha 11-09-2011 07:27 PM

Ahh, I didn't know what a short sale was. Makes more sense now then. Maybe you should try and buy the house, then sell it when you're done with it? Specially if it's a good deal and you can afford it. At least then you're not at the mercy of the rent gods anymore.

ZenGum 11-09-2011 07:40 PM

Any chance the new owner would let you keep renting it?

Stormieweather 11-09-2011 07:51 PM

There's always a chance of that, Zen. They can either have us sign a lease and present the property as an investment property, or leave us month-to-month to attract owner occupants.

I have weighed hanging in until the last minute, but don't want to be rushed into finding a new place to live. So think I'll quit worrying until after New Year's, and then start looking in earnest.

HungLikeJesus 11-09-2011 09:30 PM


Originally Posted by Spexxvet (Post 771464)
Notice to all consumers: when you do this, we hate you.

Yes, but you still want our money.

Trilby 11-10-2011 05:29 AM

My son has OcD.

he refuses all treatment.

I'm just supposed to let him go about doing what he does and pay for all the soap, water, etcc. that his OcD requires.

I woke up this morning and the faucet in the bathroom was running. He had left it ON all NIGHT.

My water bill DOUBLES when he lives here and he's NOT doing his OcD thing. Now I imagine it will be TRIPLE.

I"m very upset. It's like living with an active alcoholic because his OcD rules change every day (one day it's ok to touch something and the next day it's NOT okay to touch it) he's constantly on edge and woe unto me if I run out of soap.

It's driving me fookin' crazy. I am getting desperate.

Aliantha 11-10-2011 06:02 AM

I don't have any advice, but I feel sorry for you Bri. Is there maybe a support group you could join just to learn some coping strategies or something?

Sorry but that's all I've got. :(

Trilby 11-10-2011 06:15 AM


Originally Posted by Aliantha (Post 771561)
I don't have any advice, but I feel sorry for you Bri. Is there maybe a support group you could join just to learn some coping strategies or something?

Sorry but that's all I've got. :(

thanks, Ali.

I was thinking I could go to Al-anon (which is for the loved ones of an alcoholic - for co-dependants) because it really is like living with an active alcoholic. I feel like I have walk on eggshells around him so he doesn't freak out (which happened a few weeks ago and was NOT pretty)


If he would at least TRY to get help but he's not at ALL interested in getting any.

Aliantha 11-10-2011 06:18 AM

I guess most of us live in denial about our problems till they get way out of hand. Does he realise he has a problem at least?

I hope you can get some help though. It must be pretty tough emotionally, let alone the financial expense.

Was he like this before you got sick? Could it have something to do with that at all? Is family counselling an option at all?

ZenGum 11-10-2011 06:22 AM

"Oi, kid.

Get help or move out."

If only it were that easy. I'm sure it's not. But I do think that is the general direction to be heading.

Afterthought. Change that or to and/or.

Clodfobble 11-10-2011 09:42 AM


Originally Posted by Brianna
he refuses all treatment.

Force him to a psych once. Get the psych to give you a scrip. Agree with the son afterwards that he doesn't have to take it if he doesn't want to.

And then dose his orange juice every morning.

Side question: Has he always had OCD symptoms, or has it become worse or started up entirely in recent years?

Trilby 11-11-2011 06:53 AM

I tried to kick him out a few weeks ago and he got physical with me (he is 6'6") and threatened harm to me and my house. (specifically kicking the TV in) Then he went to make a move like he was going to kick it in and stopped mid-swing and then came up to me in a menacing way. I said, "get out," and he said, basically, "Make me!"

when he was 13 he suffered from psychotic depression. he was on an antidepressant and risperdal (antipychotic). He was on it for a year and saw a doc regularly. He was eventually weaned off and seemed fine. This is when the ocd (handwashing and fear of certain objects becasue they were "evil") started.

Last Feb. he started to have these thoughts (evil things) again. He saw three different docs who ALL said he should be on an antidepressant. He rejects that. he thinks it makes him less than a man to take meds (this shame is from his father who thinks anyone on meds is a goddamn baby, etc.) and he refuses to talk abou it - yelling at me when I try to bring it up that talking "only makes it worse," I am also NOT to interrupt him during one of his rituals. If I say, "That's enough handwashing" I am making it worse.

He won't sleep in his room/bed so uses my living room for his bedroom. all his shit is there, he sleeps on the couch. See - something is evil about his room/bed but I'm not allowed to know what is wrong or to even allude to it. I'm just supposed to bring his clean towels, soap and hundreds of dollars in water. The other day he washed his hands for half an hour.

I'm going crazy.

MY therapist says You are Responsible for Your Own Feelings. So - what do I do?????

eta - he's 20 now. And he goes to college and he works a small job as a magician. His father has kicked him out of his home because he couldn't stand the OCD shit so the kid, who before split his time between us, now is with ME all the time.

Griff 11-11-2011 07:24 AM

I'm so sorry Bri. I don't know what you can do, but you've got to keep yourself safe.

monster 11-11-2011 07:54 AM

Frankly, I think you need to evict him. But I'm a harsh bitch and I've never been in your situation. Change the locks while he's out, leave his stuff on the porch with a note that says "I love you but I have to do this for both of us. When you've seen a doctor and got some medication to help then we can discuss further" and call the police if he gets violent. You have to put yourself and your personal safety first. You're no help to him in hospital/the morgue.

Clodfobble 11-11-2011 08:11 AM

The threatening behaviors is plenty enough to get him involuntarily committed for a few days. Maybe over the Thanksgiving break so he doesn't miss any school? :) They'll get him on meds against his will. Maybe once he's on them, he'll see the light and stay on them.

Griff 11-11-2011 08:32 AM

wolf is probably up to speed on the process for getting him temporarily committed.

infinite monkey 11-11-2011 12:53 PM

Geez Bri. I don't know what to say, except to agree with what others have said here. Keep yourself safe, and do what it takes to make him get help. You're between a rock and a hard place. I'm thinking of you. :(

Sundae 11-11-2011 02:58 PM

Bri, my feelings are pretty much entirely for you.
But being outside the situation I can only counter that you are dealing with a young man with problems.
If he was deaf you wouldn't shout at him.
If he was blind you wouldn't be mad if he couldn't find his way out of a room.

Living with a young man with any problem must be bloody hard, and I'm not criticising you.

Clod will have the best advice. That comment stands alone. But apart from her huge, benevolent brain, she also lives with two children with behavioural issues (as far as general society is concerned). She knows the difference between catering to a specific need and giving in, and how to choose your battles.

Despite waffling on above, I really can't offer any help.
I just send my love and hope there are better times for you and your lad.

ZenGum 11-11-2011 05:27 PM

Griff is very smart.

Wolf, ever thought of visiting Brianna for a week?

fargon 11-11-2011 05:54 PM


Originally Posted by monster (Post 771952)
Frankly, I think you need to evict him. But I'm a harsh bitch and I've never been in your situation. Change the locks while he's out, leave his stuff on the porch with a note that says "I love you but I have to do this for both of us. When you've seen a doctor and got some medication to help then we can discuss further" and call the police if he gets violent. You have to put yourself and your personal safety first. You're no help to him in hospital/the morgue.

Bri, monster has the rite idea. It may be hard but you need peace and sanity in your life.

Trilby 11-12-2011 07:00 AM

thanks, everyone,for your thoughts and suggestions.

I will have to do something but I will do it calmly and rationally and I won't raise my voice (I never raise my voice anyway - it's just not how I do battle)

we'll see. but, again, thanks.

Trilby 11-15-2011 08:23 AM

Ok. Kid is (naturally) no better. I think he's getting worse. Why wouldn't he get worse? He's not being treated for a disease. Untreated diseases get worse.

There is a frosty detente in the air. I try not to bother him, he tries not to bother me. But, being the mother, I am bothered. I pick up the slack.

I'm going to go to Al-anon. I know I am responsible for my own feelings. He cannot "make" me feel any certain way.

On a purely practical level - my car still dead. We changed the alternator. Still no go.

OTOH - I watched a show about some people in Appalachia. It's not that bad here.


Pico and ME 11-15-2011 08:46 AM

Get him a book on ocd.

Aliantha 11-28-2011 03:58 AM

This convo.

hello trish

2 hours agoTrish Williams
Hi Lagi

2 hours agoKalani [deleted]
kal was asking if we can book the boys ticket on the 13 and come back for new years there..

2 hours agoTrish Williams
I had Christmas dinner planned with them for the 16th and they are supposed to see their Aunty on the 17th. Maybe in the evening on the 17th if possible?
I will talk to the kids. What day were you planning on sending them back?

2 hours agoKalani [deleted]
kal said you didnt tell us earlier about your plansas we already plan for the boys to come over any day before christamas.. now you are telling us we dont know what to do now...

thats what kal said trish sorry but i just have to let you know that

2 hours agoTrish Williams
Better put him in front of the computer. What I'm about to say might not turn out too nice.
Originally it was from the 20th of December to the 5th of January. Those are the dates I've been working around and so have the kids, including Aden who has a job and has already organised the time off for between those dates. Just because you've once again decided you want to change the plan ie. send them home before new year, don't try and put the blame on me.

about an hour agoTrish Williams
I've been very patient with this sort of bullshit from you for years and I'm pretty sick of it. If you want to be an arsehole about it, they can just stay home. They both seem to think the onus is on you to come and visit them anyway, so they'd be just as happy not to have to leave here over Christmas.

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
thats fine put on the boys now i want to talk to them

about an hour agoTrish Williams
Aden is at work, so you can talk to him later. He'll be home after 7pm our time.
Mav will be here in a minute
it's mav on mum's account now

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
this dad how are you

about an hour agoTrish Williams
i'm good thanks, how are you?

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
im fine do you know the situation of your coming over now

about an hour agoTrish Williams
yeah, mum showed me

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
so how do you feel about it?

about an hour agoTrish Williams
i don't know

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
get on skype i will call you now

about an hour agoTrish Williams
i don't have one. it's adens one that we used and i don't know what it's called
You missed a call from Kalani.about an hour ago

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
i called you

about an hour agoTrish Williams
its not working
it's not working

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
the thing is you got alll time and days with trish and this one time i ask for you and aden to come over

about an hour agoTrish Williams
i know that, but i just don't want to leave so early, and Aden has to work anyway.

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
is there any reason why you donot want to come early? at least you get to spend some times with me n ur sister

about an hour agoTrish Williams
i just have plans with my friends and that and I don't want to fly over without aden and he can't go till the 20th because he has to work

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
ok then i shall cal you and aden on skype then when aden comes home.

about an hour agoTrish Williams
This is Trish. Do you not get that Aden has organised to work until the 19th?
Because that was the date you and the boys agreed on weeks ago.

about an hour agoKalani [deleted]
just tell your mother to watch her mouth bcause she is talking on my wifes account and that is disrespect

about an hour agoTrish Williams
Fuck you Kal. Don't be an idiot all your life. These boys are old enough to make their own decisions and they don't need to be bullied by you, and nor do I. I'm not afraid of you.

Griff 11-28-2011 09:15 AM


glatt 11-28-2011 09:46 AM

I deleted the last name of your ex-husband's wife from your post above. It just doesn't seem right to be posting someone else's personal information like that. I hope you understand. (If you want me to delete your real name, just let me know, and I'll do that too.)

More on topic, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a jerk of an ex.

Clodfobble 11-28-2011 10:12 AM

Damn it, I'm sorry to hear about so many unreliable and immature ex's on the cellar today. Sorry Ali. You're right to let the boys make their own decisions. They're old enough to know that their dad is being a douche.

SamIam 11-28-2011 11:42 AM

I don't exactly understand who all the players are, but the other side sounds as though they are being very unreasonable. Sorry they are making your Christmas plans so difficult, Ali.

glatt 11-28-2011 11:52 AM


Originally Posted by SamIam (Post 776185)
I don't exactly understand who all the players are

Yeah, me either.

Sundae 11-28-2011 12:08 PM

Ali, he's a shithead.
It doesn't look as if Mav and Aden had any confusion about the dates, so it's all down to him.

You were prepared to allow your boys to visit a man who has not stepped up to the parenting mark on the most precious family season (in the West). Good on you. If he screws this up he will have even more bridges to build.

I dunno about his side of things.
I admit I can micromanage and hyper-organise, so it might be he would always look like the villain to me.
But changing plans with two weeks notice - especially at Christmas - is dicking about in my book.

classicman 11-28-2011 05:25 PM

My oh my can I relate. I interact with my ex all the time and its always just as you wrote above.
I'm dealing with the exact same thing right now over his speech. Its not enough about HER. Ferfuxache!

Just try to stay above it all.

It was rather reassuring to read the other poster's comments. I always wonder if I'm the one causing the issues even though deep down I know I'm not.

Aliantha 11-28-2011 05:27 PM

Thanks guys. I posted it here to get some feedback about whether I was being reasonable or not. He does this every single time there's an arrangement to be made, and all this on top of the fact that he owes us $600 from over a year ago that he asked for when he first married his new wife but had no money when they first came back here from Samoa. He said it was to pay a bond on a flat, and then the next thing he's in another country.

Glatt, thanks. I should have done that myself, but couldn't see properly for the steam coming out of my ears. ;) I don't care about my name. Anyone who does a half decent search around here could put that together anyway.

I have more to add here today. Cleo just jumped over the fence and bit the hand of the woman who walks her yappy poodles past our place every morning. It was just a nip, I suspect she was actually going for the yappiest one and the womans hand got in the way. By the time I got outside Cleo was cowering by the gate waiting to come back in. Fuck knows why she didn't just jump back in. Anyway, the woman who got bitten happens to be the woman who picked up every ball Max threw over the fence when he was little. She never bothered throwing them back into the yard they obviously came from. She put them in her pocket to take home for her yappy poodles.

Maybe our dogs figured it out and decided to make her pay.

So anyway, today will be spent putting trip wires up on the fence and gate out the front. The back is already done, so at least it's only about 30 metres or so to do.

monster 11-28-2011 06:47 PM

Fucking eye doctors, fucking beest, fucking kids, fucking people, in fucking general. and fucking carrots.

go ahead smart-arse away.

fuck it

DucksNuts 11-28-2011 07:13 PM

What is it with dogs this week?

Yesterday I took Jackson & Lucy for their normal walk on the beach, now our beach is dog friendly and has "off leash" policy.

Most of the time Jackson doesnt leave my side, he's actually obsessed with being so close to me and touching my hand....its annoying, but cute.

Yesterday, he sees a lady walking in the distance and took off, Lucy did as well. I bellowed at her and she hesitated, looked back, then went "fuck it, he's still going". So this poor lady had two quite big dogs charging towards her, and Jackson just jumps all over her!! (he doesnt jump on me because he knows its wrong, but he needs to learn that of other people as well).

I finally got Lucy to listen and she came back, Jackson just kept doing his thing, ignoring me.

Then when Lucy and I started walking in the other direction, he decided to come too. I put him on the lead and he just sat on his arse, wouldnt walk, wouldnt move. So I dragged his arse along for a good 50 metres before he decided it would be better to walk.

Now, Im worried about letting him off in case he does it again. We do training every day, he sits, he stays, he waits and wont touch his food until told...but obviously thats when he WANTS to listen.

Oh, and dude from 2 doors down yelled at Tyler last night about the Black Dog whos been hanging around. WTF? I was in the front yard, yell at me not the 8 year old, its not our fucking dog anyway and its certainly not OUR fault. Cockhead. I gave him whatfor!

sexobon 11-28-2011 07:15 PM

I couldn't find the pawn shop that has NhocCuteGirls. I thought I might get a good deal on them this week, maybe even free shipping!

Aliantha 11-28-2011 08:09 PM

Yep, dogs gone crazy this week.

We've just been to the hardware store and bought the stuff we need to increase the height of the fence another 18 inches. If she jumps over that I'll be surprised. I'm pretty sure she would still be able to get out if she really wanted to, but I'm going to work on the premise that she'll say, "ah fuck that" when she sees the fence is now higher than her head when she puts her front feet up.

DucksNuts 11-28-2011 10:55 PM

Oh Ali, I meant to comment on Kal....

Ex's are shit, all of them. All ex's should sent to a remote island where they cant do anymore damage and can all hook up.

Bit harsh of him to put Mav on the spot like that, I cant stand it when they involve the kids or use them as bit rude getting his missus to act as a go between and THEN tell Mav to make sure you watch your mouth.

I say kick him in the cunt :)

zippyt 11-28-2011 11:01 PM

1 Attachment(s)
like this ??

BigV 11-29-2011 12:12 AM


Originally Posted by Clodfobble (Post 776173)
Damn it, I'm sorry to hear about so many unreliable and immature ex's on the cellar today. Sorry Ali. You're right to let the boys make their own decisions. They're old enough to know that their dad is being a douche.

for the record, there are several reliable and mature exes on the cellar too.

I fancy myself one. We all know others. It's just that the immature ones get the press.

BigV 11-29-2011 12:24 AM


It seems clear to me, and to your sons as well, what is going on here. It seems to me that their Dad is putting his desires ahead of the desires of his sons. Or, you can use the phrase "best interests" if you prefer.

Sometimes that's warranted, I think it's a big and easy mistake to spoil a child. I don't say yes to everything. So, sometimes SonofV doesn't get his way. However, I do keep as my guiding principle "What is in his best interest?" Changing plans, established agreed upon plans like this very close to the action date can certainly be a problem. But to me, the greater harm is by putting them in the middle. That's straight bullshit.

They're kids. They do get to have some say in things, but making them choose, or putting them in a position where they have to say yes to one and no to another. Being in a position where the would feel responsible for letting down one of the parents is bad enough, but for a parent to put them there is inexcusable.

Pick me! says one


Who's the decider? Who's the adult?

I have had my share of that same shit and I hate it.

Aliantha 11-29-2011 12:57 AM

Well, they didn't really want to go right from the start, but I encouraged them to go and spend some time with their father. He is still their father even if I do think he's an arsehole a lot of the time. That's why we broke up in the first place. Because we couldn't get along.

I've told them that if they still don't really want to go, then I'm not going to have anything more to say about it, and i'll deal with their father from here on in if that's what they want. He was supposed to talk to them last night on skype, but he never showed up. What's new? So anyway, bugger him. I just feel sorry for his new family.

DucksNuts 11-29-2011 01:51 AM

Hahaha, Zippy!! I love that. I may post it on facebook next time I feel that way inclined.

Aliantha 11-29-2011 04:31 AM

Well, the boys told their father they think he should come and see them and that they don't want to go to NZ at Christmas this year, so they're not going which is good as far as I'm concerned. I hope they don't regret it, but in the end, I had to let them make the call and that's what they wanted.

We've put the extension on the fence today. Looks not too bad. It was longer than I thought though. We were about 5 metres short on the wire, but it should be fine till I go out next. The bit that's not done is more for continuity than an area she's likely to jump over anyway, not to mention that the hedging trees are there and would make it a pretty broad jump anyway.

zippyt 11-29-2011 08:42 AM

Well lets see what Dadz has to say about that !
prolly LOTS after he speaks to Wifey ,

DucksNuts 11-29-2011 05:22 PM

My neighbours, talking over the back fence....

Him: "Gee, your lawns look good, how do you get them so green?"

Me: "I water them"

Him: "What? really? oh no, we cant afford to water our lawns, we have to pay for water"

Really? seems you can afford to put your 3 kids in childcare everyday even though you and the missus dont work.

Aliantha 11-29-2011 05:39 PM

Why don't they just get a tank and collect water to use on the lawns? srsly. Why doesn't everyone? They're so cheap these days, and simple to install if you have half a brain. Even basic pumps are easy to install.

ZenGum 11-29-2011 06:03 PM

Bah! In my day, running around under the sprinkler WAS child care.

Lamplighter 12-01-2011 12:24 PM

Googe has changed it's home web page.
So now instead of a single click to go to Maps or Images or ...,
it takes two. Oh, that is so much better.


Pete Zicato 12-01-2011 01:09 PM


Originally Posted by Lamplighter (Post 776912)
Googe has changed it's home web page.
So now instead of a single click to go to Maps or Images or ...,
it takes two. Oh, that is so much better.


Check in options to see if you can opt out. I'm not seeing it here, yet. Still have the menu bar on the top left. Can you post a screen capture?

If nothing else helps, just make a bookmark directly to the stuff you use most often.

Lamplighter 12-01-2011 01:29 PM

1 Attachment(s)

Still have the menu bar on the top left. Can you post a screen capture?
Please don't take this too seriously...:D

It's more of a Steve Jobs poke at the drop down menu...
Just imagine how many millions of extra clicks per day
this Google programmer has dumped on the computer world.

classicman 12-01-2011 02:25 PM

FWIW, My google page is still normal also.

Lamplighter 12-01-2011 02:28 PM

Now I am pissed that Google is picking on me.:eyebrow:

infinite monkey 12-01-2011 02:31 PM

Google is like the little boy in 3rd grade. Google has a HUGE crush on you but like the little boy, doesn't know quite how to express it. So Google dips your pigtails in the inkwell and pulls your skirt up on the playground and taunts you by stealing your Hostess Twinkie and running around the cafeteria with it.

Google wants to marry you and have like ten thousand of your babies.

Trilby 12-05-2011 02:42 PM


Roto - Rooter.

268.00 and a basement lake.


HungLikeJesus 12-05-2011 03:35 PM

Look at the bright side - you got a built-in swimming pool for less than $300.

SamIam 12-05-2011 05:59 PM

1 Attachment(s)

Originally Posted by Lamplighter (Post 776924)
Please don't take this too seriously...:D

It's more of a Steve Jobs poke at the drop down menu...
Just imagine how many millions of extra clicks per day
this Google programmer has dumped on the computer world.

How on earth did you get a Google page like that? Mine has the choices in a menu at the top of the screen. I didn't even know they were there until I read your post and checked out my own Google.

plthijinx 12-05-2011 06:28 PM

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!?

glad me and the ex get along! my issue with her is actually getting her to return a phone call. not so bad in retrospect of the above convo.

my apologies Ali!

plthijinx 12-05-2011 06:30 PM

whoa!! now really WTF?!?! I was posting in another thread (pissing you off thread) and it gets posted here?!?!

ETA: oops! i did post in the thread :blush: was back reading and ugh. never mind. oh i know what's wrong!!! i don't have an adult beverage in my hand! damn i'm pissed!!

Aliantha 12-05-2011 07:23 PM

OH it's not so bad as that usually plth. I have always made a huge effort to get along with him for the sake of the kids.

He just makes it awfully hard at times.

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