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Old 05-09-2009, 02:49 AM   #1
Juniper
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Sterilization

In honor of Mother's Day, ha ha ha!!!! I thought I'd pose this question here, because collectively it seems the Cellarites know everything, and I would like some personal advice.

Me and the hubby are both 41. We have two children, and judging from the fact they're now 13 and almost 11, we seem to be pretty happy as parents of two. That's all we planned to have. Yes, I am a planner; both times we said "hey, let's get me knocked up," and we did, down to the very month we chose.

Every now and then I get a little "twinge" that it might be nice to have another baby - but it is short-lived, because I am truly enjoying the idea of getting on with the rest of my life. I think it's not so much that I want a baby, it's that I feel sad to have that part of my life over, and to no longer say "well, maybe someday."

But facts is facts. Hub and I are done reproducing. I've been on the pill since I was 15, with breaks only for conception and delivery. Now it's the mini-pill because it's easier on those of us who have hypertension issues. I'd kind of like to stop taking it.

Hubby agreed to "get snipped" as we say. He agreed to this in theory, and was going to do it about three years ago during a vacation week but instead we ended up moving that week! It's not so much that he disagrees with the concept, but actually getting it done seems to be difficult for him. He says he's not scared, but I know he must be. He's got three friends (at least) who have done it and assure him it's fine, but there's another who says he's never been the same, regarding both performance and sensation. I dunno.

Now, last time I went to the doctor for my annual "girlie" exam the doc told me about this thing called Essure that will sterilize me without surgery - no invasive "get yer tubes tied" stuff. And now I'm thinking I should do that -- it seems easier for me than it would be for him, if only from the POV that I'm used to doctors poking around my genitals -- from my various reproductive experiences -- and he is not. This is some IUD-like gimmick they insert and the tubes close up around it, resulting in permanent sterilization.

I mentioned it to him today and he seemed a little offended that I would offer to do it instead; perhaps he will have a need to be the strong one and do this chivalrous act. OTOH, I find that I want to spare him the trouble, if only because I know I can deal with the minor discomfort it is supposed to cause and I don't have to worry about work schedules.

There is also a little worry that this Essure thing is fairly new, vs. the male vasectomy stuff they've been doing for quite some time.

Advice appreciated.
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Old 05-09-2009, 04:41 AM   #2
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I don't know--"Essure" still seems invasive, or worse. Apparently it's supposed to create scar tissue that blocks everything up? That just sounds wrong.

Looking on wikipedia, it says it's a form of IUD, and those things do carry a risk of puncturing you. IMO, It seems safer just to have the tube-tying procedure.
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:11 AM   #3
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Sounds fraught with potential downsides to me Juni. Like blue, I am a little uneasy about a procedure that's supposed to provoke scarring to prevent funtionality. *shakes head* personally? I wouldn't go any where near.


[eta] also, how guaranteed is it to prevent conception? A good friend of mine who has a coil (I think) had an ectopic pregnancy two years ago. A cousin of mine, likewise, had something along those lines happen to her in the late 90s.
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:33 AM   #4
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Honestly, I wouldn't let the idea of "scar tissue" scare you away. Scar tissue is just natural collagen fibres, and there's nothing dangerous about it. Although I agree it still seems a bit odd, realize that it's been on the market for seven years and I can't find any stories about any dangerous side effects, only ones about how it failed.

Just make sure your gyno has performed the procedure before and I think it would be safe. Also, it costs in the $1000 range, so it might be good to know if your insurance is going to cover it or not. Although I don't know if insurance usually covers vasectomies either, so it might not matter.

Good luck!
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Old 05-09-2009, 08:09 AM   #5
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Quote:
Hubby agreed to "get snipped" as we say. He agreed to this in theory, and was going to do it about three years ago during a vacation week but instead we ended up moving that week! It's not so much that he disagrees with the concept, but actually getting it done seems to be difficult for him. He says he's not scared, but I know he must be. He's got three friends (at least) who have done it and assure him it's fine, but there's another who says he's never been the same, regarding both performance and sensation. I dunno.
Juni, no one I've ever talked to who had a vasectomy has reported problems, and I know quite a few. This one person could have other issues. I did a quick look around on the net and have not been able to find many advices of complications other than this routine information:

http://www.urologychannel.com/vasect...ications.shtml

There was also an article about slight psychological issues such as an almost mourning for the loss of reproductive ability (understandable, maybe akin to what women feel in menopause) but I would think that would pass.

I don't know. It seems that you have been dealing with the contraception responsibility for all this time: if he's willing to go through with it, I think you should let him. It's the least invasive and therefore less risky choice.
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Old 05-09-2009, 08:37 AM   #6
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It's possible that there is less anecdotal evidence of post-procedure problems, because men are less likely to go and seek advice for it. Also, I have heard of isolated cases of problems like those mentioned (loss of sensation etc).

The truth is there are risks to any such procedure, for either you or your fellah. There are risks in the pills you've been taking.
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Old 05-09-2009, 09:48 AM   #7
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Tell him to get off his butt and git r dun. The one buddy that's claiming it's never the same needs a psychiatrist.
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:02 PM   #8
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My husband had it done about 8 years ago and has had zero problems. Juniper...let him do it.
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:07 PM   #9
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snip snip.
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:22 PM   #10
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It makes more sense for him to do it because it's less risky for him. I've done it, and it's no big deal. You don't even need stitches anymore. Having said that, 90% of sex sensations are all in the head. So if your husband's head isn't in the right place regarding this, he may find he's got problems. They won't be physical problems, but they might be just as real. If he willing to do it, let him do it, but I wouldn't push him.
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Old 05-10-2009, 07:42 AM   #11
TheMercenary
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper View Post
Now, last time I went to the doctor for my annual "girlie" exam the doc told me about this thing called Essure that will sterilize me without surgery - no invasive "get yer tubes tied" stuff. And now I'm thinking I should do that -- it seems easier for me than it would be for him, if only from the POV that I'm used to doctors poking around my genitals -- from my various reproductive experiences -- and he is not. This is some IUD-like gimmick they insert and the tubes close up around it, resulting in permanent sterilization.
We do it at one place where I work. What do you want to know. You can PM me if you want.
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Old 05-10-2009, 08:45 AM   #12
DanaC
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Juni, I just want to remind you of something you said in your opening post:

Quote:
I mentioned it to him today and he seemed a little offended that I would offer to do it instead; perhaps he will have a need to be the strong one and do this chivalrous act. OTOH, I find that I want to spare him the trouble, if only because I know I can deal with the minor discomfort it is supposed to cause and I don't have to worry about work schedules.
I'd say the highlighted line is the most important thing there.
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Old 05-10-2009, 11:36 AM   #13
Juniper
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You all are right. Logically I know this, it is his turn and he'll be fine. But he wants ME to make all of the arrangements for him, because he just doesn't do that sort of thing. And I feel terribly guilty about it, as if I'm making a vet appointment to get my dog neutered. Yeah I know, different procedures, LOL! It just feels pushy and selfish. I can just hear him saying to his buddies, "my wife made me the appointment so I had to go..." which sounds a lot worse than it is. If he would make that phone call himself, I could deal with it better!
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Old 05-10-2009, 02:19 PM   #14
classicman
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Just make the call. Its probably easier for HIM. I had mine done about 10 years ago. I'm very happy and have had ZERO issues.
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Old 05-10-2009, 04:37 PM   #15
xoxoxoBruce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper View Post
I can just hear him saying to his buddies, "my wife made me the appointment so I had to go..." which sounds a lot worse than it is.
But don't you see, that's the perfect macho cop out. The guys will all nod in agreement and understand he didn't give up his manliness willingly. He should, however, tell you to go ahead and make the appointment... he doesn't have to tell them that.
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