The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Relationships

Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-31-2015, 11:07 PM   #16
Lola Bunny
Junior Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,728
I'm glad to hear that things are better for you. It's good that your business is progressing nicely. Your skills just get better and better everyday. I really enjoy seeing all your baked goods. I would so order from you if you live closer by.
Lola Bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2015, 10:08 PM   #17
Aliantha
trying hard to be a better person
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
It's been a month since I posted here, so I thought I'd better give you lot an update.

I have had several sessions with a psychologist who I think is about to give me the brush off. Our last session ended with him suggesting that I just come back in a month and then we'll reassess.

Cakes have been going well. I have quite a few cool ones to share with you soon, but I'll post them in the cupcake thread for those who are interested.

In other news, Aden has moved out. A few days after my last post there was a bit of a blow up here between the big boys and Aden thinking I favour Mav (of course Mav thinks I favour Aden, so I'm pretty sure I'm not favouring anyone) and he got the shits and said he might as well move out, so I called his bluff and suggested he might like to give it a go then. So he left. He hasn't gone far. He's living at his girlfriends house with her family. Things have been pretty frosty with him, but I sent him a message earlier this week which has helped. I'll show you what I said.

Quote:
Trish
Dear Aden,
I just want to say a couple of things, and then I will no longer bother you. First of all, that I love you today as much as ever. No matter what happens, that will never change, and I doubt you will ever find anyone who will love you more than I do. A mothers love is something only a mother can understand, but it's also something only a mother can give, and mine for you is unending and unbreakable.
I want you to know that I am proud of you. I like that you care so deeply for those you love, and I admire your loyalty, even in the face of adversity. It is one of the traits that will take you far in life.
Your strength of character and your moral compass are also things about you that I admire. You have done well to have them developed so well at such a young age. I'm not sure I could have said the same about myself at your age. Maybe I could, but it's all about perspective I guess.
Through everything that has happened over the last month, I have given a lot of thought to your needs and what you are so angry about, and in the end I have had to let go of my reactions to your anger. I have asked myself many times how I am to blame for how you're feeling, and as I said earlier, I have made mistakes as a parent. Many of them. One thing I am completely at peace with is the fact that I have always done my best with the knowledge and strength I have had at all times. I have never once made a decision or a choice out of spite or with an intent to harm any of you. I have always tried to ensure you have everything you need, and some extras so that you don't feel left out by your peers. I have tried in all cases to be respectful and supportive of your relationships. In short, I think I have always done my best to be the best mother I can, and I am very regretful that you feel otherwise. My only hope is that in time you will come to understand these words for what they mean from me, not as you might perceive them with the current burdens you bear. My last advice to you is to try and let go of all the anger you are harbouring. It is only making it harder for you to achieve all that you deserve. You need to let it go.
In closing, I think that although it saddens me to say it, you not living here is probably for the best. I do hope that things will improve between us soon and you will at least try and spend some time with us. We all miss you. Particularly Maverick. He is heartbroken that you've left, whether he will admit it or not. I am not trying to guilt you by saying that. I just know that he will never tell you himself, and I never would have realised the depth of his sadness until a discussion we had last week about where things stand here. Anyway, that's just food for thought. Maybe if you want to still be angry, be so at me. I can cope. I don't think your brother can. Cut him some slack. He loves you and misses the bond you two shared. Don't let it break completely.
I wish you well son. I hope that you continue to strive to reach your goals and achieve every one of them.
Love,
Mum xx
Aden
20/04/2015 17:25
Aden
I don't know what to say.
x
Trish
20/04/2015 17:42
Trish
Thats ok.
Anyway, I'm hoping he might come for a visit on the weekend and we can have a proper chat. I'm not really overly concerned about him. He is almost 19 after all. I'd be living out of home for almost 2 years by the time I was his age and the world didn't end then, so it probably wont now. I think he's just going through a bit of a big man stage. Wants to assert his authority on the world, and that's ok. It's just not going to wash with me.

Things with Daryl are about the same. We're not reconciling any time soon, but I am finding it easier to talk to him now. Most of my anger has fizzled out as I've become happier with myself. I'm not affected by his decisions as much as I was and have been able to separate my emotions.

Gotta go. My friend is here. Be back later.
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
Aliantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2015, 10:23 PM   #18
sexobon
I love it when a plan comes together.
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
Can I have Aden's room?
sexobon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2015, 11:23 PM   #19
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
I'd edit out the names before they because they're Google searchable. Otherwise, you go, girl.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 12:24 AM   #20
Aliantha
trying hard to be a better person
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
Too late to edit. If a mod feels like doing so they can, and I'd appreciate it. I didn't think of it when I copied and pasted.

No sexo, you can't have his room. haha
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
Aliantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 12:32 AM   #21
Undertoad
Radical Centrist
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
Last names removed.
Undertoad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 12:41 AM   #22
Undertoad
Radical Centrist
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
And, very well stated, thank you for sharing it. A lot of this sort of stuff you don't realize until you see your friends start to become parents. That's the first time I thought, oh shit, that's a lot of work... followed by, oh shit, mom had to do all that work. For me!
Undertoad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 03:31 AM   #23
Aliantha
trying hard to be a better person
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
Kids are a lot of work. Anyone who thinks otherwise isn't doing it right. I think my boys are pretty level headed and generally good people, but They still require a lot of guidance and help. I have saved a lot on the food bill lately though. Haha
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
Aliantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 07:04 AM   #24
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
Ali, I think you handled the letter as a whole beautifully, and believe me when I say that I completely 100% understand what a fucking rage-inducer teenage behavior can be. But as your friend, I feel compelled to say, as kindly as possible, that this:

Quote:
I doubt you will ever find anyone who will love you more than I do.
is a... well, it's unhelpful to your cause.

Your love is your love, and cannot and should not be compared to the "quantity" of love that someone else may or may not feel for him. Beyond the fact that it is objectively impossible for anyone to really know what another person feels (is the red I see the same as your red?,) the implication is that he owes you something--maybe just acknowledgement or respect, if not a reciprocation of those same feelings--for being the "best" at loving him. I know that's not what you meant, but that is how it comes across.

"You will never find someone who loves you as much as I do" says as much about how he is borderline unlovable as it does about how good you are at loving him. It's the kind of phrase that is never intended to hurt, but pretty much always does.
Clodfobble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 09:37 AM   #25
fargon
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 8,924
As it was explained to me, by my Mother. "A Mothers Love cannot be described in words".
__________________
Annoy the ones that ignore you!!!
I live a blessed life
I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!!
Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.
fargon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 09:49 AM   #26
Undertoad
Radical Centrist
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
What did she use to tell you that
Undertoad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 10:08 AM   #27
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
And when was the last time youze guys thanked Mom for wiping your shitty ass and snotty nose?
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 10:35 AM   #28
glatt
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertoad View Post
What did she use to tell you that
Interpretive dance and Mongolian throat singing?
glatt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 10:49 AM   #29
Aliantha
trying hard to be a better person
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
Clod, I just meant that no one can ever love another as unconditionally as a mother loves her child. I think he probably got the point.
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
Aliantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 12:31 PM   #30
BigV
Goon Squad Leader
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
I don't know if he got that point or not, it really depends on the kid. It depends on the kid and the mood and the time of day and their level of introspection and their current state of romantic affairs and a zillion other things. For those of us who are prone to overthinking stuff (like this), Clodfobble is absolutely on point. The rest of you enjoy your advantages of plain, simple understanding.

Your letter is beautiful Aliantha. Your kids are beautiful young people too. And Aden's your first beautiful young adult. This separation (your first, right?) is just as agonizing as the arrival of your first baby. Ho--lee crabcakes?!!?!?!?!? What now??! etc.

Seriously? Normal. HIGH DRAMA, yes, but as long as no permanent damage is done, all this pain is ... fair/right/normal/expected/unexpected/unavoidable. Now that I've cleared that up for you...

From where I stand, you're doing the right thing, and doing it the best you can. That's all that can be expected from you, even by your young adult child, though he might not know it now. I really, really think things will be ok. All the stuff I've read from you over the years makes me confident that you've raised a solid citizen. This transition from in the house to out of the house is just a ... I don't know... it's necessary. And it's temporary. HA. I mean temporary as in the whole drama of the "I'm leaving!" / "Well get out then!" will pass. But then I reflected (overthinking as usual) and realized that there's another meaning to temporary. He might be back! I know my kids have done that. *sigh*

But the trauma/drama of the initial separation was never equalled, thank FSM.

You guys are gonna be ok.
__________________
Be Just and Fear Not.
BigV is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:10 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.