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Old 11-16-2011, 07:27 AM   #556
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@ Jim
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Old 12-01-2011, 10:14 AM   #557
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How do you keep a moron in suspense?























































I'll tell you later.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:11 PM   #558
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Q. How can you tell when a firefighter is dead????





A. The remote control slips from his hand.
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Old 12-18-2011, 07:16 PM   #559
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Q. How do you name the son of a Puertorican and a blonde girl?




A. Retardo
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Old 12-18-2011, 08:09 PM   #560
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THE ITALIAN ELBOW

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301.
There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3.
When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........
"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido,
I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.
How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business ,
you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money,
a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "times up'?
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Old 12-27-2011, 04:28 PM   #561
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Name:  Captureetybey.JPG
Views: 838
Size:  59.1 KB
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Old 12-27-2011, 05:50 PM   #562
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I dunno if i already mentioned this one:
what sound do flat tires on an Italian car make?

dago wop wop wop
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Old 12-27-2011, 06:56 PM   #563
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Why didn't the Puerto Rican girl's father want her to marry a black man?

He was afraid the kids would be too lazy to steal.
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Old 12-27-2011, 08:04 PM   #564
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A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we 've always covered our pricks with leaves."
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:54 AM   #565
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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.



What's the difference between an African American and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing the blues when you put chains on it.
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Old 12-28-2011, 09:15 AM   #566
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oh man... that last one got a guffaw. I can't wait to tell it to my black friends!
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Old 12-28-2011, 10:03 AM   #567
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GunMaster357 View Post
A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we 've always covered our pricks with leaves."
I"m lucky I did't have food in my mouth when I read that one.
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Old 12-29-2011, 03:03 AM   #568
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Why don't Mexicans have cook-outs?

The beans keep falling through the grill.


Why do Polish men make lousy lovers?

They always wait for the swelling to go down.
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Old 12-29-2011, 02:33 PM   #569
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr View Post
Why don't Mexicans have cook-outs?

The beans keep falling through the grill.
So that's why they can't keep their mouths shut: they always spill the beans.
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:32 PM   #570
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regular.joe View Post
I"m lucky I did't have food in my mouth when I read that one.
Sure, you were lucky. What about meeting with one of these leaves wearer ?
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