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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

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Old 01-24-2007, 05:55 PM   #1
Perry Winkle
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Post Needing People

The men in my family are always mostly friendless (excepting a small hand-full of really close, but still at arms length, friends). I don't know where it comes from, but we have something ingrained in us that makes us think that needing people is a weakness and being warm toward people is dangerous. We can come off as cold, distant, sober, ..., (I think you get the idea).

We know that belief is bunk, but it is very effective at keeping us closed off. And when we manage to turn it off we're pretty solid people persons.

My maternal grandfather, his son (my uncle) and myself are the most extreme examples of this. We don't speak unless we have something to say, and even then we might not say anything.

It's hard for people who aren't intimately familiar with the way men in my family are to grasp this. This is fine for my grandfather he's been married to my grandmother for 50 years, and for my uncle who's on his second marriage, but for me...

Let's just say I'm not entirely happy with my relationship situation. And I think it's mostly due to this personality characteristic. It's so ingrained that I'm sure there's no way to remove the trait from myself, so I'm just looking for ways to minimize the impact it has on my day-to-day interactions.

I was going to ask for advice, but I'm not sure there's anything to be done.

I'm having the most introspective month of my entire fucking life, and it's driving me mad.
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Old 01-24-2007, 06:09 PM   #2
yesman065
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Well lets start with for not talking too much, you just said an awful lot. I, for one, have enjoyed reading your posts here.
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Old 01-24-2007, 06:13 PM   #3
lumberjim
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he is having a very extroverted introspective month. if not here, then where?

i think he's trying to say that he likes clint eastwood movies
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Old 01-24-2007, 08:29 PM   #4
DucksNuts
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Babysteps Grant!!!

Why dont you just say....."I'm going to smile at a different random person everyday",or "I'm going to make polite conversation with someone I dont know today".

I have the opposite problem, I'm every bodies best friend within 2 minutes of meeting them. Totally extroverted and a bit full on, which tends to make me a bit needy at times...but I am learning n changing slowly
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Old 01-24-2007, 08:43 PM   #5
Undertoad
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I thought about meeting a lot of people and being very social, but then I remembered, I don't care for a lot of people, and being social would drive me up the fuckin' wall.

present company excepted of course, cellar people generally rock. but the general public, what a bunch of rude power-hungry assholes, fuck them.
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Old 01-24-2007, 08:55 PM   #6
yesman065
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I'd rather be close to a few people and know that they are true friends than be friendly with many. Thats why I'm an animal lover - The more people I meet the less I like more people.
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Old 01-24-2007, 09:24 PM   #7
SteveDallas
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Grunt.

You got any more beer?

Thanks man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by grant View Post
We don't speak unless we have something to say, and even then we might not say anything.
Introversion is not a disease. You must resist efforts to "cure" you.
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Old 01-24-2007, 09:35 PM   #8
Clodfobble
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grant
Let's just say I'm not entirely happy with my relationship situation. And I think it's mostly due to this personality characteristic.
Well, if you think you could manage to move to Fort Worth, Texas, I do have a shy sister-in-law who is looking for the strong, silent type. It's unfortunate that an introverted person looking to meet another introverted person is a bit like a quadriplegic on a snipe hunt.
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Old 01-24-2007, 10:04 PM   #9
SteveDallas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clodfobble View Post
It's unfortunate that an introverted person looking to meet another introverted person is a bit like a quadriplegic on a snipe hunt.
COOKIE!!
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Old 01-24-2007, 10:15 PM   #10
Aliantha
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I don't have a very huge circle of friends. Just a couple of close g/f's. Then there's my family which is huge. Maybe that's why I don't worry too much with other friendship type relationships. Because I don't need to.

As long as your needs are being fulfilled, you shouldn't compare yourself to what anyone else's idea of a friendship circle should be. Just make yourself happy. If you need more friends, just go get some.
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Old 01-24-2007, 10:44 PM   #11
monster
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You need to move to the UK. You'll fit in perfectly.
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Old 01-24-2007, 10:50 PM   #12
Beestie
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I don't see a problem, Grant.

If I could get through a day on three words I would. Sounds like somebody put a bug in your head that this isn't right.

Took me a while but I finally realized that the only person that knows what's right for me is... me.
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Old 01-24-2007, 10:53 PM   #13
freshnesschronic
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Hm... Do you have a significant other? That for one, might make you, how shall I put it, less "wanting to seek out" other people for social compionship. Heck, when I'm with my girlfriend I'm all set and happier than anything. I too have only a couple close friends, but I still am pretty friendly to acquaintances, but total strangers I pretty much ignore unless they notice me.

Do you find it hard to deal with these strangers?

That's my biggest gripe in my own socialness as well.
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Old 01-25-2007, 05:26 AM   #14
Perry Winkle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim View Post
i think he's trying to say that he likes clint eastwood movies
The only Clint Eastwood movie I like is "Million Dollar Baby." And that's mostly because the Missouri people in that movie are eerily familiar.
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Old 01-25-2007, 05:31 AM   #15
Perry Winkle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveDallas View Post
Introversion is not a disease. You must resist efforts to "cure" you.
I try, but it often seems our society rewards extroverts out of proportion to introverts. So the "rational" side of me says I should just change. Not that easy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beestie View Post
I don't see a problem, Grant.

If I could get through a day on three words I would. Sounds like somebody put a bug in your head that this isn't right.

Took me a while but I finally realized that the only person that knows what's right for me is... me.
I guess my while is still ticking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yesman065 View Post
Well lets start with for not talking too much, you just said an awful lot. I, for one, have enjoyed reading your posts here.
Thanks, ym065.
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