The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-10-2013, 10:22 PM   #181
orthodoc
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
Shit does wash off, but if my cat pooped on my pillow I'd take steps to ensure it didn't happen again. Not by killing the cat, but ... one could theoretically use the Hierarchy of (Industrial Hygiene) Controls:
a) Substitute a less toxic substance - not possible unless you have a robo-cat;
b) Change the process - see (a);
c) Engineering controls - isolate the process (put cat out of bedroom); machine guards (? put rails and a mosquito net around and over your bed so that cat doesn't have access?)
d) Administrative controls - lessen the amount of time you spend in bed;
e) Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) - a face mask to prevent rolling over and mashing cheek into poop on pillow? Other suggestions?
__________________
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi
orthodoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2013, 11:24 PM   #182
Lamplighter
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods
Posts: 6,402
f) Prevention - an appropriately placed cork in the cat
Lamplighter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2013, 03:43 AM   #183
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
g) Take poor baby to the vet. I will have to ask for credit card access which will not go down well, but let's put it this way, had to change bedding and wash onesie again last night. As well as duvet, as he managed to sit his poopy fur right on the part where it pokes out at the end of the duvet cover.

I ended up downstairs on the sofa under a spare duvet in the (correct belief) that if he didn't have me to come to for comfort he would go into his drawer and curl up there, thus containing badness until it dried.

Poor baby.
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2013, 07:59 PM   #184
limegreenc
shed door curio
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 406
Showing my inner intelligence here

THE GHOST POO
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl.

THE CLEAN POO
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

THE WET POO
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you dont ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE POO
This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees,and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN POO
No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG POO
The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER POO
The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO
The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining your guts out all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE WET CHEEKS POO
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID POO
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE MEXICAN FOOD POO
A class all its own.

THE CROWD PLEASER
This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.


THE MOOD ENHANCER
This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL
This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO
A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK POO
This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO
This is any poo created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER
A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER
A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM POO
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO POO
Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL
A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poo (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near pooing facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC POO
This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO
This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poo.

PREMEDITATED POO
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

POOZOPHERENIA
Fear of pooing - can be fatal!

ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POO
Also known as a "Still Going" poo.

THE NUCLEAR POO
It's a Kind A Poo That Happens when you eat the ghost chili. Combo of The Bombshell and the second wave. this poo will ruin your bathroom and clears the house. WARNING: it will hurt your ASS & Rip ya a new One!

THE POWER DUMP POO
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER POO
This kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poo.)

THE SPINAL TAP POO
The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" POO
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poos. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE POO
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POO
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POO
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POO
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.
__________________
“We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
limegreenc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2013, 07:51 PM   #185
jimhelm
a beautiful fool
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
Wasn't there one about a poo only making it half way out?

I had a No More Pumpkin Seed Shells Poo recently. Like the dorito one, but more needle and razor blade like.
__________________
There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool
jimhelm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2013, 08:15 PM   #186
lumberjim
I can hear my ears
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
I can't believe I forgot to mention that I posted that last from the bowl.
__________________
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan
lumberjim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2013, 01:18 AM   #187
orthodoc
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
More water, LJ/JH. More water. That is all.
__________________
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi
orthodoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2013, 07:50 AM   #188
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
I have a whole Profanisaurus to refer to if you want a more comprehensive list.
But perheps a new thread might be better...?
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2014, 12:32 AM   #189
sexobon
I love it when a plan comes together.
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
Goodnight Tonchi, wherever you are.
sexobon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2014, 02:26 AM   #190
Molasar
Part-time superhero (off shift right now, leave a message)
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
Posts: 211
@limegreenc http://cellar.org/showpost.php?p=879931&postcount=184
you missed one, (and @sundae it's not in the Profannisaurus)

THE STANDY-UPPER POO
A poo, probably trained in civil engineering, that lays a foundation at the bottom of the pan and then builds vertically until it breaks the surface of the water and forms something like a skyscraper, dry and above the water.

Sometimes called THE ICEBERG POO for obvious reasons, but should not be confused with the HAZARD TO SHIPPING POO which is itself often called the FUCK ME, THAT BASTARD WILL SINK A SHIP JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE, or occasionally THE APB POO or in extreme cases THE ESCALATING TO DEFCON-1 POO.
Even experienced marine biologists gave been known to class it as a GREAT BROWN SHARK though the only bit they got right was to get the hell out of its way.
__________________
The only dumb question is the one you didn't ask.

Last edited by Molasar; 01-20-2014 at 02:27 AM. Reason: BB code failure
Molasar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2014, 11:07 PM   #191
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
ZenGum?
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 01:51 PM   #192
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Going to bed now.
By the time I settle in and settle down it'll be about 20.00.
By the time I sleep it'll be about 04.59.

I'm getting up at 05.00 for my first solo bakery shift.
My anxiety - which generally runs at a high seven I admit - is definitely at a Spinal Tap eleven. When I was being trained I still worried and fretted and then dreamed about bread all night before I started work.
I expect this to be a 14 hour shift - ten hours worrying and fretting and four hours actually at work.

Can it be that bad, really?
I refer you back to the previous sentence regarding anxiety. It is ridiculous, but it is real.

Goodnight.
I hope you sleep well.
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 01:53 PM   #193
glatt
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
Sleep tight.
glatt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2014, 01:55 PM   #194
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
I have confidence in you, Sundae.
Clodfobble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 08:35 AM   #195
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Goodnight. *hic*

__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:05 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.