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Old 03-07-2016, 12:23 AM   #1
Sundae
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Drinking

You know earworms, right?
Imagine waking up with an earworm every day, which says drink, drink, drink.
You count down the minutes until the store opens when you can buy a drink. This is despite being able to manage without one if you have no money or have an appointment. It becomes ingrained.

One supermarket opens at 07.00 but is more expensive. The next one at 08.00 but is only really feasible for spirits (and spirits at that time of the morning really fuck up your day). The liquor store opens at 10.00. That's a long wait when alcohol has screwed your sleeping pattern to the extent that you're awake from about 04.00.

Your best bet is to go to the cheap discount store for soft drinks, and then sneak spirits into them so you can drink openly in public. Just make sure you're close to a toilet. As well as making you need to pee, excessive alcohol brings on diarrhea. Liver damage also means your body does not absorb vitamins, which added to the express exit of anything you eat makes malnutrition a given. Also, alcoholics tend to live chaotic lives, so preparation of wholesome food is less likely.

You will dribble.
Leaning over a book or newspaper, even in public, if you open your mouth there is a good chance saliva will simply fall out of your mouth. It's easy to ignore/ disguise, but it happens. It's embarrassing even if no-one else sees.

You will have some form of incontinence.
I've heard dreadful stories of people soiling themselves publicly or in their beds – this hasn't happened to me, but I am very wary of passing wind. There is always a chance that it's not just wind.

Your body clock is shot.
Mine was even as a child, but alcohol pretty much guarantees it. Fitful sleep which doesn't benefit your brain, waking far too early (see above re shops being open) and constant exhaustion. Once you have cirrhosis you're tired much of the time anyway.

Your appetite is badly affected.
Even if you have a normal life, with a clean living environment and people to help look after you, it's hard to eat normally. Liver conditions mean you should eat 4-5 meals a day and not go on starvation diets. Low calories without exercise (when you live in a freezing flat and it rains every day) mean the body starts consuming muscle and the fat around the organs. You may have double chins and a fat belly, but your pancreas is causing terrible pain because it's lost its protective layer.

You will spend time in hospital.
Whether you are currently drinking or not (and I'm not, FTR) it's on your record. I have a history and am treated accordingly. The “domestics” (cleaners, food servers etc) treat me very well. They don't give half a damn about why I'm in. I'm, polite to them and grateful. Always say please and thank you as I was brought up to do. The student nurses are also quite lovely. But even in my last hospital visit, which I did not choose and was not specifically drink related (as in I hadn't been drinking, although it was due to my history) I overheard a Doctor referring to me as “the alcoholic in room 6”.
It meant I had four medical students come to examine me over five days. I didn't mind being their tame alcoholic – I'm not a grizzled old man, rough-sleeping and swearing at them and smelling of wee. Maybe it will help them to help people in the future. But I wish I hadn't overheard that Doctor.

You are untrustworthy.
Your family will no longer trust you. The lines between drink and mental illness will be blurred. A missed bus/ coach/ train will no longer be a misfortune, it will be because you were drunk – even though you weren't. You're a liability. Not because you've always been a bit odd, a bit of a black sheep, a bit over-imaginative, but because you're a piss-head. It's an excuse for family members who dont know how to pigeon-hole you to shrug and give up because you've chosen this life. Mental health be damned, you're a drunk.

The good things?
You find friends. There are people who really love you, despite your failings. They keep you trying and keep you sober.
The family who love you do the same – they may not always get it right, but you don't always get it right for them either.
And at some point you get back into rehab and therapy. I hope.
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Last edited by Sundae; 03-07-2016 at 12:46 AM.
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Old 03-07-2016, 10:10 AM   #2
xoxoxoBruce
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Don't obsess about where you are and how you got there, concentrate on where you can go, and how.
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Old 03-25-2016, 07:38 AM   #3
be-bop
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I read Sundae’s earworms post and wanted to post what it was like from the other side. I understand the symptoms that having an addiction is not easy to function with, I know, I have had my problems with drugs, but living with an alcoholic in the family is not easy it's complete turmoil.

My Mother is an alcoholic and has been since the late 70's early 80's, she's 79 now and still puts it away like a champion.
It's the lies, the excuses, the drunken rants, how it's always someone else’s fault and never trying to help herself get better, never being able to be trusted at a family get together, the down right fucking embarrassment of always being drunk at the wrong time. And of course the insults aimed to hurt.

I walked away from my Mother over 10 years ago after a major row in which she insulted my wife her grandchildren but mainly me and how useless I was as a son , people have said “It's the drink talking” but hey after that Barney it took me all my control not to strangle the life out of her , so I walked away and have had very minimal contact since.

And I feel so guilty about it, she has missed her two Granddaughters weddings because they would not invite her, she has 4 Great-grandchildren she has never met because neither of my daughters want anything to do with her because of what she has put me through over the years and I'm the one with the guilt trip.

I know when she finally goes I will be completely shattered with guilt but it could have been so different if she had just tried to seek some help even if she had tried and failed it would have changed everything about how people felt about her.

Big hugs to Sundae for her battle with her demons, I know it's hard, but you're trying and all the cellar is rooting for you,please remember that when you are having a bad day/night you are not on your own
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Old 03-25-2016, 07:46 AM   #4
Undertoad
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I'm so sorry be-bop, that you had to go through that, it seems you have dealt with it in the most sensible way possible. Strength to you sir.

~

In addition to all the bad things that will happen, my ex's sister wound up with Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome, referred to as "wet brain". Permanent brain damage with memory loss.

Addiction is an amazing and terrible thing.
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Old 03-25-2016, 09:47 AM   #5
xoxoxoBruce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by be-bop View Post
And I feel so guilty about it...
Do NOT feel guilty. Most everyone has a sentimental attachment to "home", where they grew up. But if the water there is poisoned, you sure as hell shouldn't be drinking it, and would be abuse to expose your family to it. Staying away is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.
In case I was vague, Do Not Feel Guilty, now or ever. Sad things turned out this way, but not guilty. Got it?
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Old 03-25-2016, 08:33 PM   #6
monster
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We walked away from my mum when we came to the States, similar reasons, same cause. She was a danger to our kids. Dunno if she's still alive. last I heard she married the guy she was living with and he wheeled her down the aisle in a wheelbarrow
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Old 03-26-2016, 08:27 AM   #7
glatt
 
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Wait. Who is banana lady then? Is that your mother in law?
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Old 03-26-2016, 08:49 AM   #8
Griff
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We all have to figure out life. I'm glad you guys are trying.
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Old 03-26-2016, 09:51 AM   #9
monster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt View Post
Wait. Who is banana lady then? Is that your mother in law?
yup
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Old 03-28-2016, 08:33 AM   #10
Gravdigr
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Griff View Post
We all have to figure out life.
Oh, I gave that shit up. A loooooooooong time ago.
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:24 PM   #11
plthijinx
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alcohol is a total bitch. Thankfully, it's been way easier for me than most. I go to meetings which helps tremendously however at first, wasn't so easy. I am very very thankful that alcohol doesn't/didn't grab me like some I've come across such as a few I know through the meetings that have 15, 20 or 25 years who still battle everyday with the thought of drinking nagging at them. I am truly Blessed in that aspect to not have the cravings that I did during that first month. Sundae, I sincerely hope and pray those cravings abandon you if they haven't already. One very helpful thing I used to do was have plenty of ice cream available to you (I still eat it often, but not as much) or sweets. This can help your body via the sugar cravings that are/were satisfied via the sugars available through alcohol consumption. Stay strong!
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