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Old 09-12-2019, 08:15 AM   #1
Operations Operative
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: in hiding
Posts: 578
Sometimes it all looks pretty desperate

So we moved house:
- which meant that Best Beloved (BB) has to find new work. He hasn't yet, partly because he was so depressed about job rejections that he got signed off sick from having to look for work. Which is of course going to be a vicious spiral downwards of no application, no job, more depression rinse and repeat.
And we both went for health checks and it was recommended that BB stop "self-medicating" his (long-standing pre-existing) depression with booze for the sake of his liver. He's done that. So have I, largely, in sympathy.
And his antidepressants were increased to cope with no work, and having to face no work without booze, and then it was found that the anti-depressants were also not good for his liver, so the dose has had to be reduced (not removed altogether ...).
So he has to cope without two props which helped.
And we had to miss out on our two week summer break which we love and so look forward to because liver numbers needed checking at exactly that time.
And he gets stressed about not having any money of his own, and next month his unemployment benefit stops altogether. So it'll all be pretty fucking even more miserable.
And stuppid fukkin Brexit means that all of his nine medications may be unavailable soon.
And he has four hospital appointments next week for which we need the car.
Oh, yeah, the car ....
Meanwhile, the car has needed attention to the tune of over three grand so far since we moved, and has still broken down twice in a week, and is in the garage as I speak and "it looks like it's the turbo". And two mini breaks I'd planned to cheer us up because we missed out on our main holiday were fucked, one by weather and one by the FUCKING CAR. Fuckit I'm looking at leasing a brand new one instead. Right now.
So yeah, I could do with some support (with a nod to Monster and Limey here) but BB is home all day and I work from home and so I can't even sneak a teeny doctor's appointment without him knowing and I don't want him thinking that I'm upset at all. I had a look for an online depressed person's support person support website, and found one but knew I'd just weigh in trying to help everybody left right and center when it's me that needs the help. So nope, not going there.
Financially we're OK (provided Brexit which makes me feel physically sick at the moment doesn't make electricity so expensive I can't afford to run the computer, and that th'innerwebs don't break because, well, why would any country want to do commerce with any other nearby electronically or any other way).
On the upside, after a four month wait he has an appointment to start CBT soon. And is in the queue for counselling from the local psych nurse as some of his stuff stems from emotional trauma in his past. God it would be so lovely if some of this actually helped him.
But, ironically, although the catalyst for all this, the house move was a good thing to do. Apart from this little pile of shit which we're stepping through. One. Day. At. A. Time.
Thanks for listening.
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