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Old 05-09-2008, 03:28 PM   #1
lookout123
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Kid's sports - Revenge of the Coaches

So it begins. Wednesday night I had the opportunity to evaluate the soccer skills of 73 children between the ages of 5-8 years old. Many I knew, many are new.

I was well aware that the general consensus was that I had a stacked team last session so we would destroy the competition. Nobody thought that when teams were picked, but they did by the end of the session. I was told this time we were going to break all the teams up and start over from scratch rather than filling our losses in with players who were new. There are 3 coaches returning and 3 who are brand new guys I've never met before. One of them I'm certain will be a lifelong friend. I knew that from the minute I met him and he gave me a crushing handshake, started juggling a soccer ball, and telling me about all of the Championship teams he's coached for other clubs. BFF, I tell ya.

After two hours of evaluating kids all the coaches sat down with their notes and a huge whiteboard. I sat quietly while R, a returning coach wrote each of our team names on the board then announced he wanted all of his returning kids back. No objections, so he wrote all their names under his team. M made the same statement, so they wrote all appropriate names under her team. They all looked at me expecting the same and I just plainly said I knew there was bitching about my team last time. Two of my stronger players moved up to the next age group so they were out of play. I told them to just write Lil Lookout and B under my team name and then I'll be in the round robin picking for the rest of my team. They all quickly agreed so we started the round robin.

Each kid had been assigned a mutually agreed upon score from 1 to 5, 5 being the bee's knees of skill level. The plan was to go round the table and pick players from highest skill level til they were gone. R's team already had two 5's, and I had Lil Lookout as a 5, so we were out. The other coaches took the remaining 5's at two per team. Then the same with 4's. I had B so I was out. They didn't let me have my next pick from the 4's because he was on my team before and another coach really wanted him. So after all the 5's and 4's are gone I have LL and B and the other coaches have 4/5 of their players filled.

We followed the same process for the 3's, 2's, and were just going through the ones when someone looked up and noticed that everyone who was on my team was a returning player from my last team and that is when the argument started. The two coaches who had kept their teams together just sat quietly while the other 3 coaches and director got on my case about stacking my team. I let them go and go until finally it got quiet and I asked them who was the last coach who got to pick in each round. It was me. How many players did we pick each round? One. How many rounds have we gone? 7. How many of you picked ANY of my returning players when they were sitting in the open pool? ZERO. They argued a bit more but the director finally got my point - Those coaches didn't rate any of my players highly enough to actually pick them for their teams. If my players were so vastly superior in skill, why didn't they pick them? I followed the rules and picked players just like they did - but I rated these kids highly enough to bring back even the one who everybody laughed about because his skill level is a -.5 on a 1-5 scale. Discussion ended there. One of the new coaches - my BFF, of course, was still bent out of shape saying I was still going to run the league and it wasn't fair. I was annoyed and tired as we'd now been picking teams for two hours. I had all the players I specifically wanted (just my returning kids minus one) so I just told them they could assign the rest of my players and I'll take what I get without complaint. They all smirked and agreed as I left.

I got my team sheet today and I have 12 players. That means that if everyone shows up, no player will spend more than half the game on the field - including LL and B. The other players that they assigned me after I left were all of the kids who didn't show up for evaluations. They could be 1's, they could be 5's. All we know is they've never played at our club before. History tells us they're usually 1's. My team has 7 boys and 5 girls with a combine point total of 27 as the unknowns are ranked as 1's. The average point total for the other teams is 37.

Eh, that's cool. I've started from scratch before so I don't mind that, I just hate that I've got so many players that the playing time could be limited. Oh well, we'll see what happens come Wednesday for the first practice.

Team Record: 0-0-0
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Old 05-09-2008, 04:15 PM   #2
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One view: Tied for first place, undefeated. wooT1!!

Another view: Let's go have some fun with our new friends!

Gonna be a good season, I can tell.
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Old 05-09-2008, 04:38 PM   #3
lookout123
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See, I'm not real worried about it. It's going to be fun. I haven't seen the kids yet, but I'm fairly confident we can have a .500 season or better. D, my girl that moved up to the next age group was regarded as being too strong of a player and too big of an advantage for our team last session. This is the same girl that about 8 months ago showed up for th first time and stood crying on the field because she was scared and didn't know what to do. Make it fun, give them permission to screw up without repurcussion, and see what happens.
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Old 05-09-2008, 04:58 PM   #4
Sundae
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Go for it lookout.
The children who play for your team get exercise, lessons in teamwork, (hopefully) a love of the most popular global sport and a damn good coach.

The haters can go and eat their own livers.
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Old 05-09-2008, 05:27 PM   #5
Undertoad
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There are several threads that I delight in seeing show up in my New Posts scan, and this will be another one. Thanks l123. No matter what happens, I can't wait for the story to unfold.
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Old 05-09-2008, 11:49 PM   #6
xoxoxoBruce
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My prediction: by the end of the season, every other coach will have a voodoo doll full of pins, that looks just like you.
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Old 05-10-2008, 12:27 AM   #7
lookout123
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I think they already do Bruce. They're always saying "prick this" or "prick that"... Not sure what to make of it.

On a funny note, I was informed that all good coaches have accents and played at least at the semi pro level. uh huh.
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Old 05-10-2008, 06:44 AM   #8
Sundae
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You have an accent
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Old 05-10-2008, 06:58 AM   #9
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People wonder why its hard to get coaches, these threads kinda show why. Stay with it and blow off steam here.
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Old 05-12-2008, 11:58 AM   #10
lookout123
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OK. So this is not part of the normal rec league season but I'll put this story here because I coached the game and Lil Lookout played the game.

This is the game report for the club game from Saturday. Lil Lookout is on an '01 team which means that all kids on the team had to have been born after 01 Aug '00. This is the only '01 team playing in the league so every other team they face is a year older. Sometimes that doesn't mean much, sometimes it is a huge and obvious difference. Saturday was one such day.

I was asked to coach the club team for this Saturday in a game which had the potential to be very disheartening. All sports have rivalries and this is no different, even at this young age. The reason here is that the team we were to face formed after one of their founders was fired from our club for being overly aggressive and nasty to the players, after he was gone it came to light that he stole equipment and money, and he actively recruited our players and coaches with monetary incentives. Come on Jackass, it's a game... for kids. For me it was a little personal, because he is the reason that I wouldn't let Lil Lookout play club the first two seasons he was invited - the man is an overly competitive psychopath. He doesn't like me, I don't like him. We've both taken skin from eachother in the adult leagues. He is the stereotypical "bad coach". He has no loyalty to his players as people found out when he would kick out players if he could find a replacement who was bigger, stronger, better, or willing to pay more. I've never seen more people packed into the club. Every spot in the bleachers was filled. The tables were filled. Standing room along the glass was filled. The club isn't even that full for the semi-pro games we host. With that the stage is set for an intense game.

Our team is built around speed and finesse and as such they look a bit undersized against a lot of the teams. The other team has plenty of skill, but is based on size and power. The difference in appearance was staggering as the teams warmed up. Then the first shot was fired. One minute before kickoff the other coach tried to force us into a forfeit when he claimed that our keeper was not on the roster. The ref verified that he was. Then he protested that he wasn't an '01 player. He had me there. Our keeper was born 4 hours before the cutoff. He won't be able to play with us in the outdoor season, but we are playing an age group up in this league so he is eligible. I pointed that out and the ref verified that he was eligible. So the game began.

I have never seen a kids' game start at such a blistering pace. There was no feeling each other out and looking for weaknesses. The other team just kept pushing and pushing. They had our kids' ears pinned back and it looked like it was going to be ugly. K (technically an '02 player) and B just started playing with the club team this week after a lot of lobbying on my part and were caught completely off guard by the difference in intensity. My defense and midfielders couldn't get out of our side of the field. When the ball did break out our kids were pushed off the ball. Their defenders came up to my chin. K and B barely make it to my elbow. I subbed K and B out and talked to them, reminding them that they both play against me at the park and they aren't afraid of me. While I had my doubts I assured them that they may be smaller but they had greater skill and they just needed to work hard.

As I looked back to the game our keeper punted the ball as Lil Lookout sprinted across the center line. The ball was dropping right in front of a defender who was pressed nearly to the center line when LL crossed in front of him and was able to distract him long enough to flick the ball back over both of their heads. LL rounded the defender to see the ball was going to land halfway between him and the onrushing keeper. He started on a lungbusting sprint and got to the ball at the same time as the keeper. LL barely got a soft touch on the ball before the keeper took his legs out - but the ball kept rolling. In slow motion the ball rolled across the goalline! Commence the celebrations.

The other team pushed forward even harder and were quickly rewarded with a goal from a free kick from outside right. LL, K, and B exchanged some beautiful switches and crosses until a free for all in the goal box ended with K scoring his first club goal. I had to sub him so he could go hug his dad he was so excited. We went into the half tied 2-2.

By this time LL and B2 who are the playmakers due to their creativity on the ball were flat dead on their feet. K and B were starting to gain some confidence though and they are fast straightforward players. I pulled LL and B2 back into midfield roles as they're both aware enough to cover for the other if they break downfield. I put my two most solid defenders in place and told them to guard the alamo - nothing fancy, just clear the ball. Our kids settled into a rhythm of holding the other team up a bit farther from the goal than they had been able in the first half and making them shoot from outside. As soon as our keeper got hold of the ball LL would sprint down the center while K and B ran up the wings. B2 would follow about 15 feet back from LL. LL would get to the ball before the defenders and flick it back to B2 who would then redirect to K or B as LL would sprint back around the defender and take up a center position outside the goalbox with K and B on left and right. Good movement. We managed to hold the other team off and score another one. Now it's 3-2. The kids are running on fumes but they're holding on. LL gets fouled hard outside of the box and puts the freekick into the top right corner. We're up by two points with 2 minutes left. At that point I pull everyone but K back to our half and park the bus to burn time. Our kids would clear the ball downfield and K would sprint at it, so the other team still had to play with two defenders back while we had 5 plus the keeper blocking them from our goal.

The final buzzer sounds and the kids line up. The other coach refuses to shake any of their hands but they didn't notice. As they're jumping up and down after their hard fought win the other coach shouts, "show some fucking class, ya little pricks!" and then had a few choice words for me and let me know what he'd do to me if there weren't kids around. I kindly invited him to either do it or never speak to my kids again. He walked away. Two of his players' parents promptly quit his club and asked for tryouts for their kids.

That was a very satisfying win. I've NEVER seen such an intense game for kids. Did I mention that this team had beat our '00 team 6-1?
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:02 PM   #11
Dingleschmutz
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Now I'm imagining the jackass coach standing in the showers, angrily trying to scrub the failure off himself with a brillo pad, howling unintelligible curse words in between muffled sobs. He's wearing a swimsuit, I'm not sure if that's because he's hiding something (which would explain his hyper-competitive nature) or if it's because I really just don't feel the need to envision him naked. I'll stop talking now. Good story though.

On a completely unrelated tangent, you need some hooligans, maybe even an organized firm. That would be freaking sweet.
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Old 05-12-2008, 11:36 PM   #12
xoxoxoBruce
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You're wasting your time, Lookout. You should be creating a cult, where naked women bring you gold.
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Old 05-13-2008, 12:14 AM   #13
lookout123
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I tried that once, but they all started pissing on me. I realized later I might not have communicated precisely what I desired.
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:41 AM   #14
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See, this is exactly why I didn't really want my kids to play baseball. It turns out our local town league is very supportive, and the emphasis is on making it a learning experience for all the kids. But that seems to be the exception rather than the rule. My family and I don't need to deal with the kind of behavior you're talking about here.

Last edited by SteveDallas; 05-13-2008 at 10:37 AM. Reason: Edited to correct the part where I said exactly the opposite of what I meant
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Old 05-13-2008, 09:46 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveDallas View Post
... But that seems to be the rule rather than the exception...
?
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