60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For

[xoxoxoBruce]

From Esquire.

1. Danger dogs.
The Tijuana delicacy -- a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo -- has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate. See also:

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7. Bullfighting school at the California Academy of Tauromaquia.
One of the only (legal) bullfighting schools in the country. Someone's getting wounded in this battle. Hopefully, it's the bull.

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12. Punching Barry Bonds in the face.

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23. Mountain biking in Moab, Utah.
Possible dehydration, heatstroke, and disorientation. Probably the most inspiring panorama you'll ever see.

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29. Playing tackle football past the age of 25.

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37. Speaking truth to power.

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40. Attending a Glasgow Rangers versus Glasgow Celtic soccer match.
Preferably in the Scottish Cup final. Imagine: Red Sox versus Yankees, if the ALCS involved sectarian hatred, hooligan rioting, and the occasional death threat.

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47. The Krispy Kreme burger at the Gateway Grizzlies ballpark concession stand in St. Louis.
A bacon cheeseburger with glazed doughnuts in place of a bun. A thousand-plus calories. Minor league gimmick; major league angina. $4.50.

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49-59. The 18-Hour Vegas Vacation.

For each activity, multiply the time spent by 100 and subtract the total from your life expectancy. Repeat twice annually until death.

 Sunning (sans sunscreen) to a robust burn while marinating in premium tequila after dozing off at the pool: 1 Hour

 Chain-smoking unfiltered Kamel Reds to intimidate fellow poker players: 2 1/2 Hours

 Agonizing over minor scoring fluctuations in a meaningless NBA game: 2 1/2 Hours

 Devouring hare stuffed with duck confit and foie-gras-and-blood sauce at Guy Savoy, not to mention the 12 other courses: 4 Hours

 Watching Cirque du Soleil's Love, at the Mirage. (No life sacrificed, just dignity): 1 1/2 Hours

 Impersonating Nick Nolte with a bottle of Grey Goose at Tryst at the Wynn: 1 Hour

 Wandering downtown in search of the Four Queens, one of only two Vegas casinos that still offer single-deck, 3-2 payoff, dealer-stays-soft-17 blackjack: 1/2 Hour

 Talking shit to strangers with unplaceable accents at the table while alternating caffeinated and alcoholic drinks in ten-minute intervals: 3 1/4 Hours

 Threatening to exact bloody revenge on the firstborn child of a stingy dealer: 1/2 Hour

 Touching Brandie when it "feels rights" at Crazy Horse Too: 1 Hour (Ten Songs)

 "Date" with suspiciously underdressed woman sitting alone at the hotel bar: 1 Hour (Okay, 15 Minutes)

Check 'em all out, at the link, and ponder if they are right for you.