i'm definitely the man for the job: greatest interview ever

thealphajerk · 11-13-2007, 11:53 PM

EDIT: this is an old piece of mine i came across and decided it was too good not to share here... this whole thing is written with tongue planted firmly in cheek...

sorry it's long, but it should be entertaining.. give it a crack
.....................................................................................................

Foreward:

Recently, some of you music lovers may have noticed a small, poorly represented and little known band is sliding on into our humble but ever so stinky little melbourne town, which band you say? Just that band formerly known as "polka tulk" : Black Sabbath! Fucking awesome? the best thing to come here ever? well .... no, sorry Dio.. i won't be attending your filthy dragon weiner loving, short man syndrome, tight pants fest this time.... now i'm not saying i don't like sabbath or anything like that, i'm just saying 1980 was a very bad time for this particular band and given the downfall of a lead singer any band in their right mind would not ask a tiny operatic poodle to take the reigns, also the overall result of the band during the dio years sounded more like a toaster being thrown into a neon puddle filled with screaming jockeys playing novelty oversised, out of tune violins with cockatoos instead of bows . "Why don't you like dio?... waaah he's the man.. waah" I'll tell you what, i'll like him, no, i'll love him the day he stops ruining perfectly good bands and sueing other perfectly good bands with perfectly good names *ahem* (dios (malos).) and goes back to being some sort of spokes person for dungeons and dragons, how about it..

Management has requested the previous statement to be stricken from the record and removed from heading the following article due to a "conflict of interest policy", needless to say, i refused... which is the reason this is not being published any more.

I should probably explain myself a little at this point, you see after i started writing a "hate blog" (above), i was briskly interrupted and as an effect of a strange segway of a mix of luck, wit and circumstance i was somehow asked to actually interview the black sabbath lead "singer" on the topic of the upcoming tour celebrating the release of "black sabbath: the dio years", now normally i'd just flat out refuse, but the magazine in question is quite large (un-mentionable for legal reasons but lets just say it has something to do with a moving rock) and it's not every day you get the opportunity to confuse readers using a demographic that is pretty much, well national at least.
Ok, this is some excerpts from the interview, which, popular oppinion aside, i personally thought went rather swimmingly... i won't post the entirety of the interview as some parts would be considered a arduous task of a read for some, anyhow here is the peice:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A date with the dragon:

Black sabbath's Ronnie James Dio talks to name void 's Lucas Parsons.

LP: So, Ronnie.. oh, i can call you Ronnie right?
RJD: Screaming out "I am" means that you are a person and that you are not a number. You can survive. So yes, yes you can

LP: Yeah i know what you mean, just like in those advertisements on t.v. for car insurance, you get them over there right? Where exactly are you by the way?
RJD: I am too smart to fall into that trap, you can't fool me.. i am everywhere..(makes devil horn sign), i would love to drive, i hear it can be a relaxing escape.

LP: Ok, enough of this hokey pokey-ing, down to the question shit, are you looking forward to visiting the merry old land of oz?
RJD: There is a lot of ways to die. You can be shot or stabbed but death by love is worse, A lot of people think that the dreams that they have are going to come true. A lot of times that is just not true. You have to have a vision.

LP: Uhh, a vision of Oz?
RJD: I must take steps forward. I never look back at what I have done before.

LP: Yes, i agree and it shows through your magnificent work, are you proud of the things you have achieved in your life so far?
RJD: I take compliments very badly. I am good at what I do and I know I am good at what I do. There shouldn't be an argument, It is not a battle of the bands for me. If you start approaching it that way -- you are talking about two completely different kettles of fish, there's the best and the worst, and i'll only ever be the man (makes devil horn sign).

LP: I know you are Ronnie, your the man's man.. evryone knows that.. hell, i'd do you just for being so awesome, (laughs) no.. sorry Ronster just kidding around (pause)....... but seriously, can I?
RJD: They want to get close to someone they really care about. Some want to see that person greater than human and some want to see them as a human being. I am just a regular guy who does one thing and really, really enjoys it.

LP: Are you talking about me in the third person?
RJD: The fox was on the boat cooking eggs.

LP: Your kinda fucked, aren't you?
RJD: (waves tongue around), (makes devil horn sign)

LP: urm, wicked cool? Anyway roneroonie, what is that one thing you where just saying you really, really enjoy?
RJD: It is the camaraderie of us accomplishing something together.When you have all that talent around you then you just can't lose.

LP: Well thankyou ronninator 3000, you make a man blush.
RJD: It is not Tracy's fault; it is what it is. I found it to be very confusing and I agree with you.

LP: This is getting kind of rediculous Mr. Dio, can you cut out the parrable kind of shit please?
RJD: Hey man, don't be a wet blanket.. i'm a Rainbow In The Dark and your pissing all over me, hey.. did you get that pun, "Rainbow In The Dark"? That's one of my songs, (laughs for an extended period) fuck i'm awesome.

LP: Ok (coughs) , so what does the future have in store for the master of metal?
RJD: My career will be DIO and that will be the end of it. People will bow to me.We are going to atta.........

LP: (pulls audio feed)
RJD: (makes devil horn sign and appears to be screaming)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
So that's about half of it all up, although it won't be published it does have a small chance of appearing on the small melbourne community television station channel 31, so please, tell me what you think here, is this magazine or tv worthy?

thealphajerk · 11-21-2007, 02:46 AM

look at the damn guy.

he's like a mini walking stereotype

ZenGum · 11-21-2007, 08:32 AM

Did you ever see the famous Molly Meldrum / Iggy Pop interview?

thealphajerk · 11-21-2007, 11:56 PM

ha! goddamn .. i have seen that, i forgot all about it..
that damn iggy.. wonder what he was on exactly.

he could pull a craig nicholls and blame it on "mild autism"

11-13-2007, 11:53 PM	#1
thealphajerk Super Intendent Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mount evelyn, vic, aus. Posts: 240	i'm definitely the man for the job: greatest interview ever EDIT: this is an old piece of mine i came across and decided it was too good not to share here... this whole thing is written with tongue planted firmly in cheek... sorry it's long, but it should be entertaining.. give it a crack ..................................................................................................... Foreward: Recently, some of you music lovers may have noticed a small, poorly represented and little known band is sliding on into our humble but ever so stinky little melbourne town, which band you say? Just that band formerly known as "polka tulk" : Black Sabbath! Fucking awesome? the best thing to come here ever? well .... no, sorry Dio.. i won't be attending your filthy dragon weiner loving, short man syndrome, tight pants fest this time.... now i'm not saying i don't like sabbath or anything like that, i'm just saying 1980 was a very bad time for this particular band and given the downfall of a lead singer any band in their right mind would not ask a tiny operatic poodle to take the reigns, also the overall result of the band during the dio years sounded more like a toaster being thrown into a neon puddle filled with screaming jockeys playing novelty oversised, out of tune violins with cockatoos instead of bows . "Why don't you like dio?... waaah he's the man.. waah" I'll tell you what, i'll like him, no, i'll love him the day he stops ruining perfectly good bands and sueing other perfectly good bands with perfectly good names ahem (dios (malos).) and goes back to being some sort of spokes person for dungeons and dragons, how about it.. Management has requested the previous statement to be stricken from the record and removed from heading the following article due to a "conflict of interest policy", needless to say, i refused... which is the reason this is not being published any more. I should probably explain myself a little at this point, you see after i started writing a "hate blog" (above), i was briskly interrupted and as an effect of a strange segway of a mix of luck, wit and circumstance i was somehow asked to actually interview the black sabbath lead "singer" on the topic of the upcoming tour celebrating the release of "black sabbath: the dio years", now normally i'd just flat out refuse, but the magazine in question is quite large (un-mentionable for legal reasons but lets just say it has something to do with a moving rock) and it's not every day you get the opportunity to confuse readers using a demographic that is pretty much, well national at least. Ok, this is some excerpts from the interview, which, popular oppinion aside, i personally thought went rather swimmingly... i won't post the entirety of the interview as some parts would be considered a arduous task of a read for some, anyhow here is the peice: ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A date with the dragon: Black sabbath's Ronnie James Dio talks to name void 's Lucas Parsons. LP: So, Ronnie.. oh, i can call you Ronnie right? RJD: Screaming out "I am" means that you are a person and that you are not a number. You can survive. So yes, yes you can LP: Yeah i know what you mean, just like in those advertisements on t.v. for car insurance, you get them over there right? Where exactly are you by the way? RJD: I am too smart to fall into that trap, you can't fool me.. i am everywhere..(makes devil horn sign), i would love to drive, i hear it can be a relaxing escape. LP: Ok, enough of this hokey pokey-ing, down to the question shit, are you looking forward to visiting the merry old land of oz? RJD: There is a lot of ways to die. You can be shot or stabbed but death by love is worse, A lot of people think that the dreams that they have are going to come true. A lot of times that is just not true. You have to have a vision. LP: Uhh, a vision of Oz? RJD: I must take steps forward. I never look back at what I have done before. LP: Yes, i agree and it shows through your magnificent work, are you proud of the things you have achieved in your life so far? RJD: I take compliments very badly. I am good at what I do and I know I am good at what I do. There shouldn't be an argument, It is not a battle of the bands for me. If you start approaching it that way -- you are talking about two completely different kettles of fish, there's the best and the worst, and i'll only ever be the man (makes devil horn sign). LP: I know you are Ronnie, your the man's man.. evryone knows that.. hell, i'd do you just for being so awesome, (laughs) no.. sorry Ronster just kidding around (pause)....... but seriously, can I? RJD: They want to get close to someone they really care about. Some want to see that person greater than human and some want to see them as a human being. I am just a regular guy who does one thing and really, really enjoys it. LP: Are you talking about me in the third person? RJD: The fox was on the boat cooking eggs. LP: Your kinda fucked, aren't you? RJD: (waves tongue around), (makes devil horn sign) LP: urm, wicked cool? Anyway roneroonie, what is that one thing you where just saying you really, really enjoy? RJD: It is the camaraderie of us accomplishing something together.When you have all that talent around you then you just can't lose. LP: Well thankyou ronninator 3000, you make a man blush. RJD: It is not Tracy's fault; it is what it is. I found it to be very confusing and I agree with you. LP: This is getting kind of rediculous Mr. Dio, can you cut out the parrable kind of shit please? RJD: Hey man, don't be a wet blanket.. i'm a Rainbow In The Dark and your pissing all over me, hey.. did you get that pun, "Rainbow In The Dark"? That's one of my songs, (laughs for an extended period) fuck i'm awesome. LP: Ok (coughs) , so what does the future have in store for the master of metal? RJD: My career will be DIO and that will be the end of it. People will bow to me.We are going to atta......... LP: (pulls audio feed) RJD: (makes devil horn sign and appears to be screaming) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- So that's about half of it all up, although it won't be published it does have a small chance of appearing on the small melbourne community television station channel 31, so please, tell me what you think here, is this magazine or tv worthy?

11-21-2007, 08:32 AM	#3
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Did you ever see the famous Molly Meldrum / Iggy Pop interview? __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

11-21-2007, 02:46 AM	#2
thealphajerk Super Intendent Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mount evelyn, vic, aus. Posts: 240	look at the damn guy. he's like a mini walking stereotype

11-21-2007, 11:56 PM	#4
thealphajerk Super Intendent Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mount evelyn, vic, aus. Posts: 240	ha! goddamn .. i have seen that, i forgot all about it.. that damn iggy.. wonder what he was on exactly. he could pull a craig nicholls and blame it on "mild autism"

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