Bouncer Stories

ZenGum · 03-04-2009, 07:17 PM

As recently mentioned in the post whore thread, bouncers are good for an interesting anecdote. (Check the PW thread for an explanation of how a bouncer got the nickname "Princess").

Anyway, the same guy told me many a tale of bouncer adventures. I won't repeat the "fight" stories, the only really notable one was the 8 bouncers Vs 20 angry locals at Cabulture, Qld, and I don't recall all the details. (The bouncers won).

A better story was how he learned to refuse entry to drunk patrons. As a young lout, he'd just say "nah" and hope for a fight. As he got older he found that fighting led to too much paperwork and that confusing them is easier and more fun.

Imagine the following conversation:

Bouncer: Sorry, mate, not tonight.
Drunk: Wha? Why not?
B: It's your sausages, mate.
D: What???
B: Your sausages.
D: What sausages?
B: [points to patron's shoes] Your sausages. You can't come in with those sausages on.
D: Wha??
B: Sorry, mate, can't let you in with those sausages on.
D: ...... ?

Eventually the drunk punter gives up and wanders off.

Got any bouncer stories?

Aliantha · 03-04-2009, 07:22 PM

I've got one about my ex. It is a fight story though, and it demonstrates how stupid management can be.

Ex was sent to a pub where the Tongans and Samoans in the area were out to get each other. Ex happens to be Samoan.

A fight broke out, and he and the other bouncers flipped them all, and then Ex had the job of standing on the door.

Two of the Tongans came back and started up on him. He laid them out in self defence, but didn't see the other guy with the bottle coming from behind. Ex ended up on the ground with bad cuts to his face and unconsious. (no mean feat to knock out a Samoan I have to tell you)

Anyway, these three blokes have all been charged now. Court hearing pending.

Aliantha · 03-04-2009, 07:27 PM

Another one about my Ex. He also works as a security guard for Chubb who happen to be the contractors for Nauru (one of the places Australia likes to send detainees it considers dangerous).

He loved that job because he really didn't have to do anything. At the time he was on that job, he really only had to guard the compound. There were only two detainees, and they were allowed to go where they liked anyway.

ZenGum · 03-22-2009, 09:37 PM

I just remembered another one.

After an "incident" bouncers have to fill out an "incident report form". Certain rules apply - the forms come in a sequentially numbered pad, so once you start, you can't destroy it. And if you want to change something, you must cross it out once only, so it is still legible.
There are standard phrases used regularly: "patron refused the request", "patron became threatening". "I feared for my safety so I had to ..." etc etc.

Anyway, after one "incident" a newbie bouncer who wasn't too hot at paperwork made the following statement:

Quote:

I tell man time to go. He no go. So I punch him in the head.

Well, gotta admire his honesty.

Beestie · 03-22-2009, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Ex happens to be Samoan.

I spent a couple years in the South Pacific. Didn't have many rules but one rule I did keep was never cross a Samoan. Ever.

Sundae · 03-23-2009, 06:14 AM

Bouncer was a dog in Neighbours.
He was involved in many a story.
Can't remember them though...

Shawnee123 · 03-23-2009, 08:52 AM

Bouncers Schmouncers.

We had a lovely neighborhood watering hole, where I worked a second job for many years. After my friend sold it to the current owner, the new owner started changing everything. He wanted the sterile sports bar, wanted to be the only game in town.

So he moved the bar to a bigger building. He hired bouncers for the new "club." Shortly after this, fights became rampant. There's something about a bouncer in the area that brings out the macho (men and women), perhaps knowing someone will step in before their face is totally smashed in.

Not to say we didn't have an occasional fight in the old place, but I had been known to step between two pretty big guys, and tell them they better take it outside, while I took the drinks out of their hands. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, maybe they respected me, maybe I scared them with my glare

; I knew if anything happened the regulars would jump in if needed, but I never needed. It's all in how you carry your authority. Installing big burly shaved-headed men to keep the peace is counter-productive in an environment like that.

[/barely pertinent semi-rant]

Sundae · 03-23-2009, 08:59 AM

Nice use of the word rampant in a non-sexual thread.

03-04-2009, 07:17 PM	#1
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Bouncer Stories As recently mentioned in the post whore thread, bouncers are good for an interesting anecdote. (Check the PW thread for an explanation of how a bouncer got the nickname "Princess"). Anyway, the same guy told me many a tale of bouncer adventures. I won't repeat the "fight" stories, the only really notable one was the 8 bouncers Vs 20 angry locals at Cabulture, Qld, and I don't recall all the details. (The bouncers won). A better story was how he learned to refuse entry to drunk patrons. As a young lout, he'd just say "nah" and hope for a fight. As he got older he found that fighting led to too much paperwork and that confusing them is easier and more fun. Imagine the following conversation: Bouncer: Sorry, mate, not tonight. Drunk: Wha? Why not? B: It's your sausages, mate. D: What??? B: Your sausages. D: What sausages? B: [points to patron's shoes] Your sausages. You can't come in with those sausages on. D: Wha?? B: Sorry, mate, can't let you in with those sausages on. D: ...... ? Eventually the drunk punter gives up and wanders off. Got any bouncer stories? __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

03-04-2009, 07:22 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I've got one about my ex. It is a fight story though, and it demonstrates how stupid management can be. Ex was sent to a pub where the Tongans and Samoans in the area were out to get each other. Ex happens to be Samoan. A fight broke out, and he and the other bouncers flipped them all, and then Ex had the job of standing on the door. Two of the Tongans came back and started up on him. He laid them out in self defence, but didn't see the other guy with the bottle coming from behind. Ex ended up on the ground with bad cuts to his face and unconsious. (no mean feat to knock out a Samoan I have to tell you) Anyway, these three blokes have all been charged now. Court hearing pending. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-04-2009, 07:27 PM	#3
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Another one about my Ex. He also works as a security guard for Chubb who happen to be the contractors for Nauru (one of the places Australia likes to send detainees it considers dangerous). He loved that job because he really didn't have to do anything. At the time he was on that job, he really only had to guard the compound. There were only two detainees, and they were allowed to go where they liked anyway. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-23-2009, 06:14 AM	#6
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Bouncer was a dog in Neighbours. He was involved in many a story. Can't remember them though... __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-23-2009, 08:52 AM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Bouncers Schmouncers. We had a lovely neighborhood watering hole, where I worked a second job for many years. After my friend sold it to the current owner, the new owner started changing everything. He wanted the sterile sports bar, wanted to be the only game in town. So he moved the bar to a bigger building. He hired bouncers for the new "club." Shortly after this, fights became rampant. There's something about a bouncer in the area that brings out the macho (men and women), perhaps knowing someone will step in before their face is totally smashed in. Not to say we didn't have an occasional fight in the old place, but I had been known to step between two pretty big guys, and tell them they better take it outside, while I took the drinks out of their hands. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, maybe they respected me, maybe I scared them with my glare ; I knew if anything happened the regulars would jump in if needed, but I never needed. It's all in how you carry your authority. Installing big burly shaved-headed men to keep the peace is counter-productive in an environment like that. [/barely pertinent semi-rant] __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-23-2009, 08:59 AM	#8
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Nice use of the word rampant in a non-sexual thread. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

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