What would you do? What would you think?

Sheldonrs · 01-18-2011, 01:38 PM

Here's a bit of background:

My parents were divorced back in 1968, when i was 7 1/2.
I saw my father maybe 4-5 times after that and he had re-married a few months after the divorce.
Back in 1996, shortly after my Mom found out she was dying (cancer) she had to leave her job and go on Disability. After she had applied, she was informed that she was also eligible for Widow's benefits since her former husband had passed away and she had been married to him longer than his 2nd wife.
Mom passed away in March of 1996, before she could collect anything.

When my sisters enquired about the date & cause of death of our father, just for family medical background history information, they were told we would have to go down to the office, fill out a bunch of forms and pay a fee. Since none of us cared enough to do that (he was an abusive jerk who gambled away a not-so-small fortune in businesses he and my Mother owned; and then literally left in the middle of the night after cleaning out my Mom's purse).

Flash back to more current dates, periodically, I will do web searches under his name just to see if any info has become available on when and where he died. In December, I found this article from the NYT:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/re...Njzo.html?_r=1

My boss was able to do a Lexis/Nexis search and it is indeed him and his 2nd wife. Same names and ages, etc.

My question is, would you get in touch with him if this was you? after over 40 years? I have very few memories of him, none of them good.

wolf · 01-18-2011, 01:41 PM

Well ... you're an adult now, maybe he is too?

Personally, I'd say regretting having met him again will be easier to get over ...

xoxoxoBruce · 01-18-2011, 01:42 PM

I wouldn't, but that's me. Unfortunately you'll have to make your own decision.

monster · 01-18-2011, 01:42 PM

Nope.

Pete Zicato · 01-18-2011, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

My question is, would you get in touch with him if this was you? after over 40 years? I have very few memories of him, none of them good.

So. Not dead, then?

What are your motivations for contacting him. Curiosity? Rage? (You want to tell him off.)

If it's because you want an apology, then I have my doubts.

Sundae · 01-18-2011, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Personally, I'd say regretting having met him again will be easier to get over ...

I agree. Will you worry at this like a wobbly tooth if you don't?
I would leave it, if it were me. But I'd probably then regret it in 20 years time.

Not much help, sorry.

Sheldonrs · 01-18-2011, 02:58 PM

I think the only reason I would get in touch with him would be to see the look on his face when i told him his only son (and most hated child) is gay. :-)

Griff · 01-18-2011, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

I think the only reason I would get in touch with him would be to see the look on his face when i told him his only son (and most hated child) is gay. :-)

The health history idea is a good one the revenge shocker maybe not so much. tough call bro

Clodfobble · 01-18-2011, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

I think the only reason I would get in touch with him would be to see the look on his face when i told him his only son (and most hated child) is gay. :-)

What about the look on your face when he tells you that actually, he's had more sons, and he has showered them with devotion and supported them in every way? Sometimes people have the ability to hurt us long after we thought we were beyond them.

To be honest, I don't think I could contain my curiosity, if it were me. I'd contact him via email/snail mail, something that he can mull over and won't put him on the spot, and make it very clear that you're not looking for money, or emotional investment from him, or pretty much anything at all, you just wanted to let him know you're out there. But I'd keep in mind that continuing to be ignored after that point isn't the worst that could happen.

HungLikeJesus · 01-18-2011, 07:28 PM

Hey, how do you know he's not looking for money?

zippyt · 01-18-2011, 09:37 PM

what would I do ??

Not worry about his Old runnen off stealen ass !!

Yer better off with out him !!

footfootfoot · 01-19-2011, 08:48 AM

Yeah, what Zippy said.

He's had plenty of opportunity to make amends.

Big Sarge · 01-19-2011, 01:54 PM

Reach out & try to forgive. He could have changed.

Pico and ME · 01-19-2011, 02:10 PM

If you haven't already let go of the negative feelings you have about him, then don't do it. After 40 years, it really doesn't matter, does it?

Undertoad · 01-19-2011, 02:14 PM

Since he was the sperm donor you should donate some sperm in his honor.

01-18-2011, 01:38 PM	#1
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	What would you do? What would you think? Here's a bit of background: My parents were divorced back in 1968, when i was 7 1/2. I saw my father maybe 4-5 times after that and he had re-married a few months after the divorce. Back in 1996, shortly after my Mom found out she was dying (cancer) she had to leave her job and go on Disability. After she had applied, she was informed that she was also eligible for Widow's benefits since her former husband had passed away and she had been married to him longer than his 2nd wife. Mom passed away in March of 1996, before she could collect anything. When my sisters enquired about the date & cause of death of our father, just for family medical background history information, they were told we would have to go down to the office, fill out a bunch of forms and pay a fee. Since none of us cared enough to do that (he was an abusive jerk who gambled away a not-so-small fortune in businesses he and my Mother owned; and then literally left in the middle of the night after cleaning out my Mom's purse). Flash back to more current dates, periodically, I will do web searches under his name just to see if any info has become available on when and where he died. In December, I found this article from the NYT: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/re...Njzo.html?_r=1 My boss was able to do a Lexis/Nexis search and it is indeed him and his 2nd wife. Same names and ages, etc. My question is, would you get in touch with him if this was you? after over 40 years? I have very few memories of him, none of them good. __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

01-18-2011, 01:41 PM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Well ... you're an adult now, maybe he is too? Personally, I'd say regretting having met him again will be easier to get over ... __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-18-2011, 01:42 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I wouldn't, but that's me. Unfortunately you'll have to make your own decision. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-18-2011, 01:42 PM	#4
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Nope. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-18-2011, 02:58 PM	#7
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	I think the only reason I would get in touch with him would be to see the look on his face when i told him his only son (and most hated child) is gay. :-) __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

01-18-2011, 07:28 PM	#10
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Hey, how do you know he's not looking for money? __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

01-18-2011, 09:37 PM	#11
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	what would I do ?? Not worry about his Old runnen off stealen ass !! Yer better off with out him !! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

01-19-2011, 08:48 AM	#12
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Yeah, what Zippy said. He's had plenty of opportunity to make amends. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

01-19-2011, 01:54 PM	#13
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	Reach out & try to forgive. He could have changed. __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

01-19-2011, 02:10 PM	#14
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	If you haven't already let go of the negative feelings you have about him, then don't do it. After 40 years, it really doesn't matter, does it?

01-19-2011, 02:14 PM	#15
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Since he was the sperm donor you should donate some sperm in his honor.

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