China to increase yak production

Hubris Boy · 07-22-2003, 01:34 PM

07/22/2003
China Daily

The Central Committee of the Ministry of Economic Development announced today a bold new strategy designed to increase the production of yaks in China. The initiative, called "Fight Gloriously to Increase the Production of Yaks and Yak-Related Products," will result in a twenty-five fold increase in the value of China's yak market by the year 2030, according to ministry spokesman Wun Hung Lo. "All sectors of China are to be working in harmony and determination to make yak production a vital success," reported Wun.

News of the initiative was greeted with joy and enthusiasm, as unsolicited statements of support poured in from around the country. "The workers of Beijing Rubber Shower Sandal Factory. No. 4 pledge their fraternal support to the bold initiatives of China's yak industry," read one such statement. "Party cadres and students of Joy of Socialist Labor Political Reeducation Facility No. 3427 will be vigilant in their efforts to promote our glorious new yak-based initiatives," read another.

China's previous efforts at yak production enhancement were less than totally successful. Mao Zedong himself was personally interested in enhancing China's world role as a leading yak producer. In 1957, his infamous "Glorious Stride Toward Yak Supremacy" resulted in the deaths by starvation of over 20 million Chinese citizens. "Despite the vigilance of the Great Helmsman himself, our earlier yak initiatives fell victim to obstructionism and sabotage from counterrevolutionaries, wreckers and right-deviationists being directed by yellow running-dog imperialists from abroad," explained Wun. "We will redouble our efforts and our watchfulness to ensure that the new yak productivity norms are met ahead of schedule!"

Reaction from abroad was equally enthusiastic. "We welcome this bold new initiative, and vow to do all we can to help make it a success, in the spirit of international proletarian solidarity," said Tomas de Cojones, Cuba's Minister of Yak Imports.

"This is yet another example of the failure of American hegemonic imperialism to suppress the wills and the spirits of indigenous peoples around the world," said Deepak Chopra.

wolf · 07-22-2003, 01:44 PM

HB, you are wicked ... wickedly funny, I should say. :-D

99 44/100% pure · 07-22-2003, 03:41 PM

Funny, yes, but he's also just plain wicked.

Griff · 07-22-2003, 04:03 PM

Foolish Americans! This is stage two Yak Milk campaign. Doesn't the imperialist pig remember Stage one? bwahahahahaha!

warch · 07-22-2003, 04:10 PM

Its good to see that the new efforts are being directed into thoughtful goals of increased production, rather than the ill conceived, vainglorious, and deadly supremacy policies of the past.

"Unemployed students, have been collected from internet cafes and posted to the west, where they have been assigned to production collectives. Drawing from the success of Panda breeding, the production facilities include dimly lit holding pens, soft recorded music, various harnesses and tethers, and large monitors displaying continous yak coupling.

New arrival Li Wei, 22, praised the initiative stating, "While surfing Internet sites, I was taken by the desire to question authoritarian control, express my honest thoughts, and continue my quest for knowlege by collecting reading materials. Thank goodness the Yak production initiative will properly channel my energies into right action and utilize my expertise in civil engineering. There are no computers here. Only Yak and love."

elSicomoro · 07-22-2003, 07:42 PM

Not bad HB, but your World Extremist Update was funnier.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-22-2003, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sycamore
Not bad HB, but your World Extremist Update was funnier.

Oh pooh pooh. It's brilliant.

richlevy · 07-26-2003, 04:45 PM

What was funny there is that when I first saw the title, I was thinking of the Yakovlev (YAK) jets produced by the Soviet Union. The YAK is now a civilian class of small jets.

I've got to stop taking things so seriously.

07-22-2003, 01:34 PM	#1
Hubris Boy Keymaster of Gozer Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Patapsco Drainage Basin Posts: 471	China to increase yak production 07/22/2003 China Daily The Central Committee of the Ministry of Economic Development announced today a bold new strategy designed to increase the production of yaks in China. The initiative, called "Fight Gloriously to Increase the Production of Yaks and Yak-Related Products," will result in a twenty-five fold increase in the value of China's yak market by the year 2030, according to ministry spokesman Wun Hung Lo. "All sectors of China are to be working in harmony and determination to make yak production a vital success," reported Wun. News of the initiative was greeted with joy and enthusiasm, as unsolicited statements of support poured in from around the country. "The workers of Beijing Rubber Shower Sandal Factory. No. 4 pledge their fraternal support to the bold initiatives of China's yak industry," read one such statement. "Party cadres and students of Joy of Socialist Labor Political Reeducation Facility No. 3427 will be vigilant in their efforts to promote our glorious new yak-based initiatives," read another. China's previous efforts at yak production enhancement were less than totally successful. Mao Zedong himself was personally interested in enhancing China's world role as a leading yak producer. In 1957, his infamous "Glorious Stride Toward Yak Supremacy" resulted in the deaths by starvation of over 20 million Chinese citizens. "Despite the vigilance of the Great Helmsman himself, our earlier yak initiatives fell victim to obstructionism and sabotage from counterrevolutionaries, wreckers and right-deviationists being directed by yellow running-dog imperialists from abroad," explained Wun. "We will redouble our efforts and our watchfulness to ensure that the new yak productivity norms are met ahead of schedule!" Reaction from abroad was equally enthusiastic. "We welcome this bold new initiative, and vow to do all we can to help make it a success, in the spirit of international proletarian solidarity," said Tomas de Cojones, Cuba's Minister of Yak Imports. "This is yet another example of the failure of American hegemonic imperialism to suppress the wills and the spirits of indigenous peoples around the world," said Deepak Chopra.

07-22-2003, 01:44 PM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	HB, you are wicked ... wickedly funny, I should say. :-D __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

07-22-2003, 03:41 PM	#3
99 44/100% pure Infrequently Astonished Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Baltimore metro area Posts: 324	Funny, yes, but he's also just plain wicked. __________________ Overcompensating for the 0.56% that is irredeemably corrupted.

07-22-2003, 04:03 PM	#4
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Foolish Americans! This is stage two Yak Milk campaign. Doesn't the imperialist pig remember Stage one? bwahahahahaha! __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

07-26-2003, 04:45 PM	#8
richlevy King Of Wishful Thinking Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Philadelphia Suburbs Posts: 6,669	Yak aircraft What was funny there is that when I first saw the title, I was thinking of the Yakovlev (YAK) jets produced by the Soviet Union. The YAK is now a civilian class of small jets. I've got to stop taking things so seriously. __________________ Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE! I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama

07-22-2003, 04:10 PM	#5
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Its good to see that the new efforts are being directed into thoughtful goals of increased production, rather than the ill conceived, vainglorious, and deadly supremacy policies of the past. "Unemployed students, have been collected from internet cafes and posted to the west, where they have been assigned to production collectives. Drawing from the success of Panda breeding, the production facilities include dimly lit holding pens, soft recorded music, various harnesses and tethers, and large monitors displaying continous yak coupling. New arrival Li Wei, 22, praised the initiative stating, "While surfing Internet sites, I was taken by the desire to question authoritarian control, express my honest thoughts, and continue my quest for knowlege by collecting reading materials. Thank goodness the Yak production initiative will properly channel my energies into right action and utilize my expertise in civil engineering. There are no computers here. Only Yak and love."

07-22-2003, 07:42 PM	#6
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Not bad HB, but your World Extremist Update was funnier.

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