Holiday Madness

darclauz · 09-26-2003, 03:11 PM

I live in Columbus, and the rest of my family lives in Virginia Beach. Three kids...three spouses..and now 4 grandkids.

Christmas morning is insane. I buy 7-11 gifts per kid, and per parent. Everyone is like that...we take HOURS to open gifts. So last year, we elected to exchange names among the six spouses/kids. It was a great choice..shortened the insanity, helped the budget.

This year, both my brothers have sold houses and generated some profit. So that makes me the poorest relative. We all voted, and decided to buy for the kids....however, the wives in VA want to buy whatever for everyone, disregarding what we had all planned.

This is the time of the year when the histrionics begin. I love Christmas -- don't get me wrong. But we drive 600 miles (nearly), haven't yet had an "us only" Christmas with our daughter, and then have to endure anguish and angst from EVERYONE, while they share their own personal misery with all.

I love the holidays, I love to shop... and none of us have forgotten what Christmas means (at least in our household.) But the weeks before can be a genuine trial..always tears, always anxiety. This is the time of the year that I always want to cancel Christmas.

So! How does your holiday go? Do you have the same trials as my house?

juju · 09-26-2003, 03:57 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with staying home for Christmas if your extended family lives far away. They're not going to resent you for one Christmas if you live 600 miles away.

My direct family lived about the same distance away from everyone else, and we usually just mailed presents to each other, with the occasional visit every few years.

be-bop · 09-26-2003, 05:23 PM

I used to like Christmas when I was a kid and when my Kids were small but could do without all the visiting families and togetherness b/s.Just toooo stressful
Christmas now is just like a shark feeding frenzy of buying,buying and more buying as shops/ tv adverts ram it all down your throat.the shops now are stacking Christmas stock its not even October yet.
Last year in one of the stores security guards had to separate fighting shoppers trying to beat the shit out of each other over the frenzy of getting the last turkey's n the store.
Goodwill to all men...Bah Humbug.

SteveDallas · 09-26-2003, 07:12 PM

We've done the "visit all the relatives" thing. It's a drag with 2 small kids. (We live in Philadelphia, my family lives in North Carolina, and my wife's lives in Chicago.) The past couple years with my wife managing a retail store, it's kind of hard to get away around Christmas. So we just stayed put. I highly recommend it. As my dad told me, "you need to establish your OWN holiday traditions." Don't feel guilty about it, whatever the temptation.

Oh yeah that retail I mentioned is sheet music. By this time they already have Christmas music out. I needled Mrs. Dallas about it once, and she agreed it's obnoxious, but said that people start asking for it this early so of course she tries to meet customer demand. I dunno, maybe they need to practice it for 3 months before they can play it.

I like Christmas and appreciate it on many different levels, but the pushing of it back into October makes me puke. (My mom once forbade me to wear a "bah humbug" tshirt with Santa Claus X'ed out to midnight communion on Christmas Eve. I told her it was a positive Christian message against the over-commercialization of the holiday, but she wouldn't have it.)

Beestie · 09-26-2003, 09:22 PM

I LOVE Christmas! I'm Catholic and my wife is Muslim and SHE loves Christmas, Too.

Usually, what's left of the train wreck of my family (my dear mother and sister) come up for a few days and we have a wonderful time just hanging out. Christmas Eve, we open presents but it ain't about the cost - its about the appropriateness of the presents.

You are in a pickle since you are "competing" it seems with other family members for the kids "respect." Its a game you can't win. We stress no spending more than nominal $ on our kids who appreciate the attention more than the substance of the gift.

If you don't enjoy the trip - as modified - then stay home. If you really want to go, then go on your terms and tell everyone else (by your actions) the terms of your participation. If it isn't working out then look forward to not returning.

Family is good but it needs to be controlled.

slang · 09-27-2003, 05:24 AM

In my previous life as someone with a real job, much disposable income and accustomed to traveling great distances as a part of my career, I was all but expected to trek back home for Christmas.

I dont travel anywhere for Christmas now and *thats the way I like it*. Hell, I can get liquored up and call my relatives on the phone and get into an argument nearly as effectively as actually being there.

Christmas has become a stressfull time, not a joyous one. There are relatives I travel long distance to see but I dont do it at Stressmas.

darclauz · 09-27-2003, 08:40 AM

i really do like christmas..and my mom is my best friend... been away from home 8 years now and still talk to her on the phone every day. so i like to be there. i like to make the trip.

geo, as i mentioned in another thread, is the worst road tripper EVER, and he turns into the creature from the black lagoon on road trips. he's evil, because his real life (tv..computer games...ya know, THAT life) gets pushed aside.

i don't intend to compete, and i don't like it when others do...did you guys see my big fat greek wedding? that family is JUST like mine. looooooooooots of people, a million different dramas and traumas. still, it's my family, and i wouldn't trade it.

it's only the PRE-christmas stuff that i hate...the jockeying with egos. i like the shopping (if i can do it early) and that gives me time to make cookies, to attend advent services, to read the night before christmas to my daughter, to make lists to santa...i like all that. i don't care when it starts in the stores, because i'm always shopping by october anyway..not because i'm commercialized, but because i love giving gifts..good gifts. (not pricey, but well-thought, and memorable.)

darclauz · 09-27-2003, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by slang
Hell, I can get liquored up and call my relatives on the phone and get into an argument nearly as effectively as actually being there.

just out of curiousity....any clue who voted the "nothing, leave me alone option???!?!?

vsp · 09-27-2003, 10:53 AM

I am an atheist, but I can get into the secular aspects of Christmas (watching nieces' and wives' eyes light up when they're done shredding the wrapping paper) to some extent.

I am not a Christmas card person. Some people choose to treat them like a strategy-tactics RPG -- "HE sent me one last year, so I'll send one to him. I think she might send me one this year, so I'd better send her one or she won't send me one last year." Who gives a rat's ass, other than people who have stock in Hallmark?

Much of my family is right here in the Philly area -- my wife, father and I are in West Chester, my aunt and her daughter, son-in-law and three grandkids are in Newtown Square, and my other cousin, his wife and two kids are in Parkesburg. We used to get together for lots of holidays, but when my grandmother and uncle died a few months apart, it shot the guts out of that spirit -- those two were the glue that held the extended family together, so to speak. Still, I'm sure we'll get an invite to Christmas dinner.

My wife's family is in Williamsport, and we'll visit them for an extended weekend.

Gift-giving gets ridiculous for people of my age (thirties). One cousin has three kids; another has two. My wife has four nephews and two nieces. All of the above are under 18, so all are kinda sorta expecting gifts, and that's BEFORE figuring in the adults. As such, my side of the family has an unofficial rule that if you're buying for someone's kids, you don't have to buy for the parents, for sanity's sake. Even then, I usually go the gift-card route, figuring that I'm sufficiently out-of-touch with what makes a twelve-year-old happy these days.

My wife is having lots of fun Christmas shopping for clothes for the kids on eBay, which will save a lot of holiday headaches.

xoxoxoBruce · 09-27-2003, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juju
I don't think there's anything wrong with staying home for Christmas if your extended family lives far away. They're not going to resent you for one Christmas if you live 600 miles away.

Oh yes they will. Plus they'll find at least 2 other things to resent. Family = can't win/don't even try.

darclauz · 09-27-2003, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Oh yes they will. Plus they'll find at least 2 other things to resent. Family = can't win/don't even try.

the worst part is the guilt afterwards...my mom's italian, and she can do it without even trying. it's genetic.

she gets her feelings hurt.... and she can't help that...and the guilt is just a natural outpouring from there.

Whit · 09-28-2003, 09:38 AM

Quote:

From Dar:
none of us have forgotten what Christmas means

      Which would seem to have something to do with competitive gift-giving, whining and guilt trips... Hey, my family is has got it down too.

I've still got my "Just say Bah" button from the 80's and I'm rather fond of it. X-mas has been more fun now that I've got kids. As soon as they hit their teens and don't want to deal with it any more, I'm done.
      I hate everything about the season, the expense, the fake shows of appreciation for gifts that'll be in the next garage sale unopened, the family togetherness ... oh god ... the family togetherness..., the constant reminder of the 'true' meaning of Christmas whatever that is and the cards that pretty much say "Since I don't know you I got you a really generic card." With the death of my great-grandmothers a couple of years ago the food is just not the same. It's good but it's hard to beat the feast presented by two old women that are trying to out cook each other... Yeah, it sucks.
      My only saving grace is that I can take off with all the kids in the family at my heels. We have fun. The other adults leave me alone. No one bitches or gripes about me not talking to them the way they did when I was spending my holiday with video games.
      Then there is the two worst parts of x-mas. It's cold, I hate cold. Two, family togetherness.... *shudder*

Elspode · 09-28-2003, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by vsp
Who gives a rat's ass, other than people who have stock in Hallmark?

As a resident of Hallmark's home town, I can tell you that owning stock in Hallmark must have been a really big deal once, if the wealth of the Hall family is any indication. These people are stinking rich. Fortunately, they are civically generous and philanthropically-minded. The fact that we have any art and culture here in KC at all is due, in large part, to the Hall family.

juju · 09-28-2003, 09:53 AM

I think cards are really stupid. What if every time you wanted to make a Cellar post, you had to go out and try to find the exact words that describe what you want to say somewhere else on the web. Then you'd just copy-and-paste it, and pay that website $5 for the honor of using their words.

See what I'm saying? Why do people do the same thing with cards? Whenever I buy them, I just buy the blank ones and write what I really want to say. And yet, everyone thinks I'm insane or sadly bitter for doing it.

Whit · 09-28-2003, 09:58 AM

      Heh, I can think of a few posters around here that often do the cut and paste thing... Without the $5, of course.
      Are you sure they don't think you're insane or sadly bitter because of what you write in these cards?

View Poll Results: What's the best Christmas ever?
Quiet vacation...no family, no trees, no lights.	3	12.50%
Family, food, and gifts-- one day only.	7	29.17%
A religious ceremony and a quiet gift exchange.	2	8.33%
No gifts, just family or friends.	0	0%
A season of goings-on - parties, presents, the works.	6	25.00%
Nothing. Just leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!	6	25.00%
Voters: 24. You may not vote on this poll

09-26-2003, 03:11 PM	#1
darclauz Breathing into a paper bag Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 334	Holiday Madness I live in Columbus, and the rest of my family lives in Virginia Beach. Three kids...three spouses..and now 4 grandkids. Christmas morning is insane. I buy 7-11 gifts per kid, and per parent. Everyone is like that...we take HOURS to open gifts. So last year, we elected to exchange names among the six spouses/kids. It was a great choice..shortened the insanity, helped the budget. This year, both my brothers have sold houses and generated some profit. So that makes me the poorest relative. We all voted, and decided to buy for the kids....however, the wives in VA want to buy whatever for everyone, disregarding what we had all planned. This is the time of the year when the histrionics begin. I love Christmas -- don't get me wrong. But we drive 600 miles (nearly), haven't yet had an "us only" Christmas with our daughter, and then have to endure anguish and angst from EVERYONE, while they share their own personal misery with all. I love the holidays, I love to shop... and none of us have forgotten what Christmas means (at least in our household.) But the weeks before can be a genuine trial..always tears, always anxiety. This is the time of the year that I always want to cancel Christmas. So! How does your holiday go? Do you have the same trials as my house? __________________ Taking up smoking to lose weight.

09-26-2003, 07:12 PM	#4
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	We've done the "visit all the relatives" thing. It's a drag with 2 small kids. (We live in Philadelphia, my family lives in North Carolina, and my wife's lives in Chicago.) The past couple years with my wife managing a retail store, it's kind of hard to get away around Christmas. So we just stayed put. I highly recommend it. As my dad told me, "you need to establish your OWN holiday traditions." Don't feel guilty about it, whatever the temptation. Oh yeah that retail I mentioned is sheet music. By this time they already have Christmas music out. I needled Mrs. Dallas about it once, and she agreed it's obnoxious, but said that people start asking for it this early so of course she tries to meet customer demand. I dunno, maybe they need to practice it for 3 months before they can play it. I like Christmas and appreciate it on many different levels, but the pushing of it back into October makes me puke. (My mom once forbade me to wear a "bah humbug" tshirt with Santa Claus X'ed out to midnight communion on Christmas Eve. I told her it was a positive Christian message against the over-commercialization of the holiday, but she wouldn't have it.) Last edited by SteveDallas; 09-26-2003 at 07:14 PM.

09-26-2003, 09:22 PM	#5
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	I LOVE Christmas! I'm Catholic and my wife is Muslim and SHE loves Christmas, Too. Usually, what's left of the train wreck of my family (my dear mother and sister) come up for a few days and we have a wonderful time just hanging out. Christmas Eve, we open presents but it ain't about the cost - its about the appropriateness of the presents. You are in a pickle since you are "competing" it seems with other family members for the kids "respect." Its a game you can't win. We stress no spending more than nominal $ on our kids who appreciate the attention more than the substance of the gift. If you don't enjoy the trip - as modified - then stay home. If you really want to go, then go on your terms and tell everyone else (by your actions) the terms of your participation. If it isn't working out then look forward to not returning. Family is good but it needs to be controlled. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-27-2003, 05:24 AM	#6
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	In my previous life as someone with a real job, much disposable income and accustomed to traveling great distances as a part of my career, I was all but expected to trek back home for Christmas. I dont travel anywhere for Christmas now and thats the way I like it. Hell, I can get liquored up and call my relatives on the phone and get into an argument nearly as effectively as actually being there. Christmas has become a stressfull time, not a joyous one. There are relatives I travel long distance to see but I dont do it at Stressmas. Last edited by slang; 09-27-2003 at 01:49 PM.

09-26-2003, 03:57 PM	#2
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	I don't think there's anything wrong with staying home for Christmas if your extended family lives far away. They're not going to resent you for one Christmas if you live 600 miles away. My direct family lived about the same distance away from everyone else, and we usually just mailed presents to each other, with the occasional visit every few years.

09-26-2003, 05:23 PM	#3
be-bop Operations Operative Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: scotland/uk Posts: 664	I used to like Christmas when I was a kid and when my Kids were small but could do without all the visiting families and togetherness b/s.Just toooo stressful Christmas now is just like a shark feeding frenzy of buying,buying and more buying as shops/ tv adverts ram it all down your throat.the shops now are stacking Christmas stock its not even October yet. Last year in one of the stores security guards had to separate fighting shoppers trying to beat the shit out of each other over the frenzy of getting the last turkey's n the store. Goodwill to all men...Bah Humbug.

09-27-2003, 08:40 AM	#7
darclauz Breathing into a paper bag Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 334	i really do like christmas..and my mom is my best friend... been away from home 8 years now and still talk to her on the phone every day. so i like to be there. i like to make the trip. geo, as i mentioned in another thread, is the worst road tripper EVER, and he turns into the creature from the black lagoon on road trips. he's evil, because his real life (tv..computer games...ya know, THAT life) gets pushed aside. i don't intend to compete, and i don't like it when others do...did you guys see my big fat greek wedding? that family is JUST like mine. looooooooooots of people, a million different dramas and traumas. still, it's my family, and i wouldn't trade it. it's only the PRE-christmas stuff that i hate...the jockeying with egos. i like the shopping (if i can do it early) and that gives me time to make cookies, to attend advent services, to read the night before christmas to my daughter, to make lists to santa...i like all that. i don't care when it starts in the stores, because i'm always shopping by october anyway..not because i'm commercialized, but because i love giving gifts..good gifts. (not pricey, but well-thought, and memorable.) __________________ Taking up smoking to lose weight.

09-27-2003, 10:53 AM	#9
vsp Syndrome of a Down Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: West Chester Posts: 1,367	I am an atheist, but I can get into the secular aspects of Christmas (watching nieces' and wives' eyes light up when they're done shredding the wrapping paper) to some extent. I am not a Christmas card person. Some people choose to treat them like a strategy-tactics RPG -- "HE sent me one last year, so I'll send one to him. I think she might send me one this year, so I'd better send her one or she won't send me one last year." Who gives a rat's ass, other than people who have stock in Hallmark? Much of my family is right here in the Philly area -- my wife, father and I are in West Chester, my aunt and her daughter, son-in-law and three grandkids are in Newtown Square, and my other cousin, his wife and two kids are in Parkesburg. We used to get together for lots of holidays, but when my grandmother and uncle died a few months apart, it shot the guts out of that spirit -- those two were the glue that held the extended family together, so to speak. Still, I'm sure we'll get an invite to Christmas dinner. My wife's family is in Williamsport, and we'll visit them for an extended weekend. Gift-giving gets ridiculous for people of my age (thirties). One cousin has three kids; another has two. My wife has four nephews and two nieces. All of the above are under 18, so all are kinda sorta expecting gifts, and that's BEFORE figuring in the adults. As such, my side of the family has an unofficial rule that if you're buying for someone's kids, you don't have to buy for the parents, for sanity's sake. Even then, I usually go the gift-card route, figuring that I'm sufficiently out-of-touch with what makes a twelve-year-old happy these days. My wife is having lots of fun Christmas shopping for clothes for the kids on eBay, which will save a lot of holiday headaches.

09-28-2003, 09:53 AM	#14
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	I think cards are really stupid. What if every time you wanted to make a Cellar post, you had to go out and try to find the exact words that describe what you want to say somewhere else on the web. Then you'd just copy-and-paste it, and pay that website $5 for the honor of using their words. See what I'm saying? Why do people do the same thing with cards? Whenever I buy them, I just buy the blank ones and write what I really want to say. And yet, everyone thinks I'm insane or sadly bitter for doing it.

09-28-2003, 09:58 AM	#15
Whit Umm ... yeah. Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Arkansas, USA Posts: 949	Heh, I can think of a few posters around here that often do the cut and paste thing... Without the $5, of course.       Are you sure they don't think you're insane or sadly bitter because of what you write in these cards? __________________ A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body.

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