Cows of the world say "MOO!"

Here is something amusing I found on the net:

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

[Yelof]

IRISH VERSION

We have cows, nothing but cows
on our stinking priest infested Island.


Ah nostalgia, it gets you everytime!

[DanaC]

English Version

You have two cows
One you stole from Ireland and the other you stole from India.
You squander them both.

Ireland laughs at you from behind it's sleek new European cow

[jdbutler]

The Indians have hundreds of thousands of cows
The people worship them as gods
Their children are starving
The people wonder why
Goofy Bastards

Colorado Cows

You have two cows.
One gets shot by a Texan during hunting season
The Californian who owns a "ranchette" ajoining your farm complains about the smell of the second cow. Los Angeles sues you over your water rights to your tiny portion of the Colorado River. A tourist leaves the gate open on the fence you have up between your property and public land. The remaining cow wanders off. You drink a case of Coors and shoot the Californian and the Texan under the Colorado "make my day" law. Life is good.

[Elspode]

You know, in Kansas City, they let the cows walk right down the middle of Main Street. That's why they call it Cowtown, you know. And some people keep cows for pets, right in their apartments. They eat beef-flavored breakfast cereal and cover their kitchen counters in leather.

[DanaC]

Goddamn it I KNEW that's what America was like!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally posted by Elspode
You know, in Kansas City, they let the cows walk right down the middle of Main Street. That's why they call it Cowtown, you know. And some people keep cows for pets, right in their apartments. They eat beef-flavored breakfast cereal and cover their kitchen counters in leather.

Uh,..er,...do Pagans ever...uh...fib?

Originally posted by DanaC
Goddamn it I KNEW that's what America was like!

ummm... Kansas or Colorado version?

[Elspode]

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Uh,..er,...do Pagans ever...uh...fib?

Uh...um, er...uh...NO!