There is certainly a lot of January about at this time of year.
Anon, Trilby has some fabulous advice here, the bit I like best (apart from "quit the job") is this: "when your family asks you why you're doing this say "because it makes me happy." and smile. You don't need to explain it to them----they wouldn't get it anyway. "

I was wrong to feel good for a few minutes.

The new bitch said I have to submit a doctor's note for being sick Monday. That isn't the policy as far as I know. Doctor's note if more than 3 days absent. She's out to get me and it fucking sucks. Why don't they just fire me?

Jesus fucking christ what did I ever do to deserve this? Did she require the same of S who was out monday and part of yesterday? I doubt it. I really fucking doubt it. And when E was calling in with migraines she made sure to tell HER that she should sign up for FMLA to protect herself.

It's taking everything I have to not email back "You stupid fucking cunt. Shove it up your ass."

Mother fucking fuck. They are trying to kill me. They really are. I don't want to do any more of this giant project if that's how it's gonna be. I'm not gonna wrap it up all fucking nice so they don't have the mess to deal with when I'm gone.

How much more pain can I take? How much more can they shove me around? And fucking WHY?

Time to invoke FMLA except I don't trust HR either and I don't know where to start. I feel like slicing my wrists just so they have blood to deal with. They'd see me before I died but I could bleed all over her, screaming...and they won't be happy until I'm shut up in the psych ward.

God damm this hurts.

ok. calm down. Find out if it really IS the policy. She's creating a hostile work environment.
NOTHING is worth this, honey. NOTHING. Go to the ER and rant and freak and you'll get some help pronto and they will have to shut up about it (HIPPA)

make notes.

The caveat "at supervisor's discretion."

I'm freaking out. I feel like sticking this fork in my fucking eye. I can't fucking take this. I can't listen to this anymore. I don't deserve it. It's killing me.

Someone has to help me. My family won't help me. I'm losing it.

I can't live like this. What should I do? what should I do?

go to HR and ask for the FMLA paperwork and say nothing else.
get to the doc's ASAP - scream and threaten if you have to - have them fill out the FMLA and you get a break to gain perspective, get better, etc.

do it. don't say anything to anyone. NO ONE.

PS when I left the Most Evil Woman in the World I took my rolodex with me.

dick move, I know as the other nurses then had to figure it out; but hey. They didn't exactly support me either. I would get pleasure thinking they'd go looking for a number and .....ooops! Not there! I also didn't teach anyone the case management program. No one asked to be taught, I'd given two weeks notice, I figured it was their problem for not being pro=active. That gave me some happiness too, knowing they were dickless for a while. I drew the line at ruining the Xray film. That would only hurt the patient; but I thought about it. I thought about exposing the entire bin of film (there's no way you can tell if it's been exposed) so all their xrays would come out blacker than the ace of spades...when I walked out of there I felt the world slide off my shoulders.

do it before you lose control of the situation and decisions are made FOR you. you don't want that, believe me.

Please do what Trilby says. She knows. Please do. And particularly don't explain to anyone you don't have to by law.

doctor told mem to go to er. I have to tell someone that is what I was advicsed by my physician.

I will be in toucn when I can.

oh anon :( good luck in the ER. I'm sure I don't wish the evil bitch the worst upset tummy ever invented on the day of her next appraisal. I'm sure I don't.

good for you. Now. Breathe. drive safely. be in touch when you can. it's over for now.

we love you.

:eek: :sniff:

Good for you. You can do this.

I am relief. she needs this. Now let's say a collective prayer that she gets some real fkking help with some compassionate people instead of the burned out messes that usually work the ER. Please Universe, take good care of anon. She feels too much right now and needs to know You are there, are taking care of her and that You love her. Get her to the right ER, right Doc, right nurses, etc.


thank you.

I don't exactly know how you feel, but I certainly remember being at the end of my tether.
Grief at home, awful job - the only pleasure I has was riding on buses. I used to get off at Oxford Circus to take the 172. It extended my journey by about an hour and a half. Shitty, shitty life.

Seriously. nothing is worth this. You work hard. You make a difference. Fuck them if they can't see that. Quit and take a low pressure job in a bar or a supermarket or a sandwich shop. You'll get bored of it on the second day, but pretty much everyone will be nice to you. And it will give you the push you need to get back into something fulfilling.

Wish you had a financial safety net over there. When I moved back to Aylesbury, Dani suggested I went on Disability Benefit. It was 100% the right thing to do. I had the time to volunteer at a school. The school I now work at. The only way I could be happier with my job is if they paid me 5x my salary so I could get a place of my own.

Readjust your perception of failure, Anon.
Your fambly might not like the decisions you make, but they're a lot better than having to read that note.

Anon, you may want to get a lawyer and sue all their asses for just about anything and everything. See what sticks. They'll settle just to be done with the suit. Take the $ go on a nice Vaca then come be my marketing director.

Please keep us updated. I care and I feel so helpless because I am so far away. Do you think you can feel the hug I'm trying to send you?

Anon: *hugs* let us know how you get on m'dear. Hope the ER people can offer some kind of help through this crisis.

Remember that when you "disappear" Sarge.
Not cracking the whip - you kinky sod - just reminding you that people on here worry about you too x

I spoke with someone.

She is where she needs to be; talking with someone she needs to talk to so she's getting help RIGHT NOW which is a relief. She's in a good place and i told the person if she felt like calling Trilby she could and here's my number. She needs to rest. Hopefully she'll get some.

yeah!


But AA friends you've known for years IRL? when you disappear, they don't bother even calling.


fucked up world.

saw my counselor yesterday and she recounted all I'd survived and I just looked at her and said, "Yeah, like a cockroach," coz that's how I felt.


How to get out of this?

We're both survivors baby.
You need to come over here and meet Seb - he's lush.

Fuck alcohol.

Is Seb some new kind of drug?

I thought I told you to shush?!

He's like a drug. Yummy young counsellor.
I think he's Jewish. He has a David Baddiel/ Louis Theroux thing going on.

CBT... your internal story about yourself is actually wrong, and you have to change it.

I just heard from anon. they are safe.

I have spoken to anon and she has given me permission to tell you all she is going to be admitted for a few days at Upper Valley Medical Center in Piqua OH.

She sounded relieved to be getting help. I'm so, so glad. i know what that's like the Thelma and Louise ending.

UT- you're right. but bc of my recent binger (5 days) my brain chemistry is fooked. I see a red door and I want it painted black....all that shite till the etoh clears. And I hate myself for drinking. i hate myself more than anyone here (even merc!) could hate me for doing it. but I do it. I do it.

but thank you bc you brought me back to real sense. Anon's stuff brought up a lot of stuff----circle of life and all that, right? At least she's safe.

I'm glad she's getting help.

Thanks everyone. Awaiting transport to the bin. Phone dying but the charger is in my purse which is locked.

T
My goal being to figure out what i need to do and how to do it. Not blindly crazy but with self-assurance. I love you all for caring. Thnks, more than you know.

I'm so glad help is at hand. Rest, be peaceful. Take your time. We'll be here for you.


Sent by thought transference

Whew I don't have the pit in my stomach thank goodness and keep us posted. Our hand is on your back!

Best wishes and lots of healing your way!

So my ekg doesnt match the one from when i was here for my back. I might be going to cardiac floor instead. I dont know what that means.

welcome back pit in stomach :eek: Probably just a precaution. I am wondering if your meds are all wonky..

it means you get more attentive care.

Take care of yourself infi. We're pulling for you.

:eek: Stop that right this minute! You're a married man and father of daughters! :eek: :eek:

So you're the only one who can have a stroke around here?

I'll show you how to properly have wanker's cramp.

Wow. I picked a bad day to bypass this thread for a few hours. I'm so sorry you're in this avalanche of shit. I see you have gotten some assistance (YAY!). I want to contribute this affirmation: You're not crazy, bad shit is being dumped on you. Also, HR is not your friend. They work for the company, they might dish out stuff you can find useful, but they're not there for you, they're their to manage the company's resources that happen to be people.

Fuck. Good luck.

Mine's on yer ass.

You wish

You did the right thing, honey. First step is the biggest. You'll be okay now.

Being on the cardiac unit means you'll be hooked up to an ekg the entire time you're there-lots of wires to disconnect from, etc. but also you WILL get better care and now they have physical proof that the job is stressing you out. Did they mention what the 'abnormality' was? Typically it's Atrial fib for stress. also when one of the leads comes off they come into the room and snap it back on to you which happens a lot.

get all the help you can. tell them everything that's going on at work and how you're being treated, past history, let it rip. The more they know about the stress of your life (live alone, hateful job with loathsome people, ex homeless guy bf, family nonsupportive, etc. etc., the more they can help you. Your NOT complaining your giving them history. let them know how bad it has gotten; your thoughts; your urges to drive your car into a ditch just to get out of work....it's ok. They've heard it all before, believe me, and they KNOW you're not crazy.

Love and good wishes, Claudette

And if you want somwthing in the night, just pull a wire off. mine fell off all the time and they kept waking me to fix it. I'm relying on you to wreak my revenge ;)

Yeah, Tril is right. Just spit it all out. Once all the cards are on the table it'll be much easier for them to assess what your needs are, and what sort of help you can get. Also spending time in hospital might give your family the wake up call they need?

I'm with those who say to just get out of the job and find something simpler. The stress is not worth it mate. Life isn't about putting up with shit. I don't really know what it is about, but I do know it's not about that.

It's great that you're getting some help. You'll be in my thoughts during this period. You're doing the right thing. xxx

My first thought about the EKG was also that the stress has driven your blood pressure right up, or caused another physical sign (like atrial fibrillation). And I'm right there with the other Dwellars who are saying give the medics ALL the history, every detail, everything we've seen here plus the stuff you even held back from US :eek:! Please take this opportunity to get well. Rest. And quit that fucking job.

BigV - I wanted to address this last night but was too tired but I will here now.

yeah, i saw that she posted she didn't trust HR. Nobody trusts HR; you're right-they are there to protect the company. unfortunately they also hold the fmla papers she needed to cover her ass. that's why I advised her to ask for the paperwork and say absolutely nada else. Inquisitive, "helpful" HR person, "Oh, you need fmla papers? Is your child or you sick you poor thing?"

you answer, "May I have the FMLA papers please?" ad nauseum. Never answer those snakes. just take what you need and get out. EAP works for the company, too. You think they give a rat's ass whether you're about to pop yourself out of existence? Nope, they're there to make sure you don't hurt the company.

I'm well aware of these corporate games and "helplines" all one big fucking joke.

Oh, that's ok, monster. I'm pulling for you too! :D

Threw up my breakfast again yesterday.
Called school to explain. Called later in the day to check I could come in tomorrow (Thursday- today) and was told because I'd been sick I had to be off 48 hours.

I was seriously aggrieved.
I was off work most of December.
I did not need another two days off.
Throwing up in the mornings is liver related, you can't catch it.

But because I'm sober these days, less ashamed and more sensible, I called to speak to the Head today.
I was able to get a doctor's appointment at 09.00 tomorrow (Friday) because of a cancellation.
My H was very kind and reassuring. I was able to say that I'd been upset that I couldn't return to school, but I also voiced that I had no issues with him or the school. I know he has a job to do and he has been very good to me throughtout my troubles.

Apparently the right thing to do is call the school and simply say when I will be in. Any report of vomiting comes under official guidelines. He even said if it continued to be a probem they might consider changig my start time. I don't think it willcome to that as long as I keep it on the quiet.

So although this is in the Upset Thread it could just as well be in the Happy Thread. I work for good people and the only nagging fear is how much I have let them down.

Oh, Cherry Berry! I'm sorry this thing is taking you away from your beloved job/children. You're getting better, every day, you are, you ARE. blessings to you. At least they understand at school.

I spoke with anon and she is better, says she can feel you guys pulling for her and is getting some perspective. Her mail/house are being taken care of. She does not care to see anyone (I offered to bring her some real food) but she just wants to focus on herself and get better ASAP. She feels safe and is glad she is where she is.

She tells you all thank you.

thanks for the update.

Amen to that!
Amen to that too! So, SO glad she is in a safe place.

You're a kind lady, Tril x

Glad to hear she's feeling safe and is getting the help she needs. And thanks for the updates Tril.

@ Sundae: remember everything you have said to others about alcohol dependency being an illness. You haven't let the school down. You have experienced a period of ill health, including the various symptoms associated with alcohol dependency.

Good point.

Went to the docs today.
She said the threaded veins (spots) on my chest and back and arms won't go away. Not ever not never. So I'm stuck with them. No more cleavage showage.

She gave me a prescription for my morning nausea. Not a cure - she says my body has gone through a long period of stress and this is simply something to help it cope. Take every morning and there should be no more vomiting.

She was surprised and confused that I hadn't had a liver scan. You know, Tril has been on at me since last year to ask for more help - turns out she's right (the GP is one of the senior partners, it's Hobson's Choice who you get to see). So I will get a letter for a hospital appointment for that. She also wants me to have another blood test asap to make sure all is well. Turns out my liver damage is actually very slight. But she's concerned about some of the other symptoms. Being teetotal is never a bad move, liver-wise, but there may be more going on. Nice.

Oh and when I got down to Reception and asked for a blood test the earliest they could give me was in a fortnight. Not next Friday, the Friday after. So let's hope it's nothing serious, eh?

ETA thanks for the encouraging words peeps.
I do take them on board.

Glad you got someone who took a closer look. Two weeks to get lab work done! Sounds like Ontario (actually you could probably get the blood drawn promptly, but getting the result would take a month). Good luck, hope the news is good ...

I suspect there's a bit of a peak of bloodtests going on this time of year. GPs tend to be very busy during the colder months generally too.

Glad to hear the liver damage isn't as bad as you thought. Maybe the other thing going on is a persistent infection? The antibiotics might not have fully cleared it the first time.

Anyways, at least now you're seeing a decent doctor who is taking appropriate medical steps to figure out what, why and how to treat. That's definitely good news.

Also, haven't tried myself (though intend to at some point) but bio-oil might help reduce the apperance of threadveins. Anecdotally it seems to have some good effect. But, it was designed for scar healing, so there's no real data on its effect on thread veins.