I don't personally think there's anyone else. I think she's just a coward. She knows it's over. But she's not willing to just say that. She's doing that stupid thing where you just wait and maybe you'll feel differently in the morning... except no one ever does. But if she just keeps waiting, maybe you'll get tired of bugging her, and then she won't have to be the bad guy, right?

I'm really sorry things have worked out the way they have, disenchanted. But seriously, listen to what every single person is telling you at this point: it's over. And even if she did come crawling back at some point, you need to have the ability to recognize that this is not, nor will it ever be, the makings of a marriage. Not. At. All. And Beestie's right--you will look back on this when you really meet the right girl and say, "Holy hell, why was it so hard to see what a bad idea that was at the time? I'm so glad I got out of that one."

No matter what her actual intentions are, she's a game player. Surprise me, don't surprise me. I would like to be with you, oh I never want to be with you again, oh maybe if you just wait longer. This is not the stuff of healthy relationships.

at this point, I'm not looking to take heroic measures to save the relationship. I think it's got doom-stank all over it.

But one conversation. Maybe get a few questions answered so they don't have to haunt me, you know?

Granted, I'm oscillating pretty rapidly between wanting clarity and closure, so tomorrow may bring a different opinion.

Oh, and Undertoad, I work with a bunch of engineers, if any of them show up in a sun dress, I'd be running away. ;)

don't bother asking her the questions, here are the answers:

It's not you it's me, I just want something more, something.... else
the time just isn't right for us
I need more time to find myself
no of course there isn't anyone else
i wasn't lying when i said i loved you it's just that....oh i don't know
this is exactly the problem, you just won't give me enough space

here, have a beer and stop being so damn sexist

monster: you missed "It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I'm not in love with you."

i wasn't sure if you were ready for that one...

here, have another beer. it's OK, it's Bud, I'm not trying to get you drunk

Yikes! OK trust me on this, eat lunch with the marketing folks from time to time. Marketing chicks know about the importance of quality packaging!

That's the one the bastardexfiance[spit - ding!] used on me.

I believe in honesty, but I also believe in trying to preserve someone's feelings. Having said that, what does everyone think is a GOOD way to approach blowing someone off? I tried to let a guy down easy once and he was on his knees bawling and begging and I thought "Um, this is part of WHY..."

You can't really say:

1) When you walk into the room, I become very disappointed
2) When you kiss me, I feel I might heave
3) If I hear you say "I seen him/her at the store" one more time I might kill you
4) Sometimes I visibly roll my eyes when the phone rings and I see it's you

Brutal honesty is always best, but there's a fine line between tact and honesty sometimes. Give the girl a break. I would say, however, that "she's just not that into you."

I say this with my usual sarcasm drizzled over truth.

Aw c'mon, just once? :rolleyes:

:muse:

At my last company, it was Finance or Business Development. Yee-haw!

Here is the solution. :D

Monster may well be both the funniest dwellar, and the wisest dwellar, all in one.

My apologies if this has already been covered...I've only read page 1 and page 15. I'll be going back to read through pages 2-14, but it's gonna take a while to read everyone's replies and your responses.

Relationships at this stage (preparing for possibility of marriage) should NOT be so hard or require this much work, and if one person is having to do all of the 'work' and/or compromising...it isn't very much of a partnership, IMO.

Get your answers from her if you wish, but cut your losses and run. Myself, I wouldn't even give them the satisfaction of thinking I thought enough of them to even want to know 'why'. It is enough if *I* know it is done. I don't need to give them an opportunity to think they had me so wrapped up in them that I had to keep coming back for 'answers' I already knew.

Best of luck,
hh