I'm sorry Choco!

Where does your mom live? Hoping she is going to be ok.

Thanks, everyone. I'm pretty scared, right now. We aren't close, but as she and I often joke, she's the only mom I've got.

She lives about four hours south of me. With Beans being a pretty tough baby, I haven't gotten up the nerve to make the trip down. She hasn't made the trip up because she works six days a week and has a phobia of driving anyway. I've offered to pay for a plane or bus ticket, but she hasn't taken me up on it.

so sorry Chocolatl, I hope your Mom gets well soon. :thumbsup:

Sorry, Choco. Hope your mom feels better soon...

I hope she's ok Choco. Maybe it's something simple and manageable. Sometimes serious disorders have simple solutions. Like some types of diabetes for example (that one's just on my mind because of the low carb stuff and reading about it, and having had it during pregnancy etc). Try not to worry too much till you know the answer.

I hope Beans stops giving you a hard time soon too! xx

Today I am rather upset about my son and his mental health situation. This is my oldest child, the one who joined the navy and ended up applying to the USNA and got in and graduated in 2007. He did 5 years in the Navy and made it to a Lieutenant and I only found out last fall that he had attempted suicide while in the sub fleet and was being let go. He did end up with a full honorable discharge and was discharged for medical reasons which is good, he can still get VA coverage and benefits. He got a good job in Pennsylvania in the private sector and moved his family which is his wife of 2 years, 1 year old son and his mother (my ex) who lives with him due to some health issues.

I spoke with him on the phone the other night, I had heard his wife and baby went back to Washington state for a family visit for a week or 2 and I was upset that he was feeling very depressed. Seems like the remnants of the depression that drove him to contemplate suicide while in the sub fleet are still with him. I asked him if he had found a good therapist yet, he said no and that he could only see a VA psychiatrist once every other month or something and that every civilian one he called had a waiting list to get in. I asked him if he was taking his anti depression meds and he said he had quit all of them a few weeks ago as he read that most of the shooters in those mass murder gun tragedies was on drugs for mental health (thankfully he does not own a gun that I am award of). I cautioned him about stopping the meds. He said he was lonely and missed his wife but they are tallking a lot on the phone, she was home with family as her grandmother was dying. I encouraged him to work against the depression, reach out and talk to others, and all the other things I could think of. He said he wasn't sleeping much and not eating, all signs of serious depression.

I reminded him that all his troubles that seem so big are just temporary and he has a good job, a wonderful wife and baby and really not much to worry about. He asked me if I liked kids, like babies. I told him I did and had taken to being a dad right away and loved spending time with him and his siblings when they were babies and as they grew up. He said he loved his son but had difficulty relating to him. I knew my son had struggled with the fact that he married and the baby came so fast and that he had had a hard time dealing with him as a new born, he just had no intuitive parenting skills. Now his son is 20 months old, real active and beginning to talk and running around the house, really active. I tried to remind my son what it was like when he was that age, I told him he looks up to you as your dad and when you walk in that door you are the most important thing in his day. I told him not to worry so much and the only thing he has any control over is himself and how he reacts to things effecting his life.

My wife said I did a good job of talking to him and giving him advice. However, I don't know what his future will be like. Something deep down in side him is causing a lot of mental pain. Oh well, it will all work out I guess but I wish I could do more for him.

Thanks for listening if you read this.

It sounds like even if he has trouble relating to the kid, he misses him while he's in WA. The relating is probably wondering whether he's doing a good job of parenting or not, but isn't that something all dads go through, especially with the first born. I wonder if the ex is onboard with this.

Yes she is on board, she is a really great wife and mother. But the whole thing has been mentally challenging for her to understand what it is that effects him. It all came as a surprise during their first year of marriage and they got pregnant just 3 months after their wedding which was not planned. My son has always been one who plans everything and has a hard time adjusting to sudden changes if the plan is altered.

Sorry guys. Hang in there.

Sound a difficult thing to get to grips with Chris.

But it also sounds like you handled the call really well.

Chris, I'm so sorry. Can you visit while hia wife is away? would it help?

I just found out that Spike, my ex-cat has cancer and is being put down tomorrow. My daughter is 12 now, and this has to be killing her. I think Spike is only 4 or 5.

Oh Bummer !!!!!!

Yeah. The kids never mentioned him being sick. Just saw it on facebook.

Might be that I'm more bummed about being that out of touch with their lives. I see them twice a week, but.... I guess maybe they just found out. The picture she posted, showed him with skinny back legs.... Kind of bedraggled.... Maybe he was wet, I dunno. i feel bad for spencer and shelby too. And Dennis. Sigh.

Oh no! How sad for you all, Jim :(

Oh Jim, that's horrible.

Sorry man.

Sorry Jim. :(

i have to stop reading this thread.


choco---I am so sorry about your mom and I hope it's nothing serious.
Chris----I can't imagine the worry and pain you're going thru. And your son is going thru.
and Jim---the combination of seeing your kids twice a week and a terminally sick pet is just...heartbreaking.

There is no such thing as gravity. The earth just sucks.

jim, that's very sad. inevitable of course, our pets die, sadly. *you* know there's a silver lining, being able to support your kids, in your way, at this time when they need their Dad. sorry for your family's loss.

So sorry to read that, Jim. I can't imagine how hard it must be to want to comfort your kids while only getting to see them twice a week.

That sucks.

Sorry to hear that, Jim. It's heartbreaking from every angle.
Chris, I'm sorry your son is going through this. I hope he finds the combination of treatment and support that works for him.
Choco, any further word on your Mom?

She said she has an appointment tomorrow to go over her results. I'll try to post once I hear what's going on. Thanks again, everyone, for your concern and good wishes.

sorry Jim :(

thanks, y'all.


I missed seeing Ripley yesterday because the forecast called for snow all day.... which never even happened.... and they had to go have Spike put down.

remember this pic?

Attachment 43109

He was the bad cat. He'd pull the trash over, throw the litter around, whine incessantly for food.... maybe he was edgy his whole life because there was something wrong inside.


this is the one where he looks sick:

Attachment 43110

I'd gotten over missing the cats. When I said I see my kids twice a week, I was actually saying that I see them relatively often compared to most non custodial parents. Most divorced dads get the kids every other weekend. But I NEVER get to visit my cats. I tried once to meet Dennis again, but he was too freaked out about being outside to recognize me. It's not like I can go up to his place and hang with him.


I remember how fucked up I was when Bunyip had to be put down, and then Bonzai a year later. They were 15 & 16. You expect that. 4 or 5 years from a pure bred cat from a breeder, though. I wonder if Shelby will be contacting the breeder.

That is so sad, Jim. He's so shrivelled up. My wife had a cat that lived to 23 and he looked like that at the end.

The first picture is great. Never eat anything bigger than your head.

He does look sick, there. I'm so sorry, Jim. I hope someone contacts the breeder; that's just too young. A responsible breeder would do some investigating and then remove the affected bloodline from his or her breeding program. Unfortunately those breeders seem to be in the minority. So sorry :(

Jim, I am so sorry. It's never easy, parting with a pet, and you've had to lose Dennis twice, in a way, in a relatively short time. Hugs to you all.

yeah WSS

Sorry about Spike I loved seeing his photos. Isn't he the one that walked the ceiling beam? RIP Spike

just because it's purebred doesn't mean the breeder is doing anything but mindlessly putting one with the other. My Persian had poly cystic kidney disease in defense of her breeder they did not have a genetic marker then. They do now. Cancer is an odd diagnosis in a young animal.

Rest in kitty peace, Spike.

An update on my mom: huge sigh of relief that it's not cancer or total renal failure. Her doctor said she has a renal blockage, and set her up to see some specialists tomorrow. Breathing a little easier now.

That is fabulous news Choco!

Nice to see good news in this thread!

Dennis is the beam vulture. As far as I know, hes healthy and happy.

Sorry, my mistake!

Sent by thought transference

So glad to hear this, Choco! Hope all goes well with the specialist.

Again my sympathy, Jim.

Ach Jim, I do remember that picture. The last photo is terribly sad. I feel for you all on this.

So sorry about your kitty cat Jim. My thoughts are with you. xxx

Choco, glad you're feeling better about your Mum. She better hope that 'blockage' doesn't get loose in the mean time and decide to evacuate the premises or she's going to be in a world of pain. Poor old thing. I hope she's better soon. xxx

Sorry about Spike, Jim.

Glad to hear your mom's situation is less dire than feared, Choco.

So frustrated. SO tired of being sick and tired. Still passing out on the sofa when exhaustion hits after work, except I have hours of academic work I should be doing every night. Sick of having sweats that soak through my clothes, followed by clammy chills. Sick of not being able to exercise and sick of my clothes not fitting. Sick of only dozing in fits and starts at night, waking in a panic trying to remember what I've forgotten to do. Sick of blurry vision and chemo brain.

I don't think I can face taking tamoxifen, which promises to worsen many of these things, along with other charming side effects.

Sorry to whine. I will carry on. If I hadn't had a mental picture of March being the time when I'd be feeling better, back to the gym, on top of my classes, etc., I wouldn't be as frustrated. Have to remember: she who expects nothing shall not be disappointed.

sometimes just bitching [sharing] makes it a little better. I hope you feel better soon O.

Sorry ortho. I can't even imagine tackling everything you have on your plate right now. Is there anyone near you who can help you with anything, take anything off your plate no matter how small?

I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have pity-parties like this. I think I need a change of scenery. Maybe I'll go back to smalltown this weekend and see my second son. I should have enough energy for the drive.

Sorry Jim. It's hard to lose a pet and you had to lose this one twice.

@Ortho - it helps to have something (besides your health) to look forward to. That way you're not dependent on improvements to keep your attitude up.

ortho, hang in there. Us "overachievers" ned to stick together ;) I'm fed up with being told that I expect too much. but at the same time I get told that my progress is so good because I expect so much.

Thor's Academic Games coach has a wall display outside her classroom that says "Shoot for the moon. If you miss, you'll still land among the stars" True dat.

He's counting on nobody seeing Apollo 13.

same thing that's upsetting many of us I expect.

Damn it all.

Yeah, I think we've all lost the wind from our sails.

This is a really dumb and selfcentred thing to be upset about when set against what's actually happened, but:

The thing that alerted me to the fact that all might not be well with tril, was when I tried to go to her fb page and got a message saying: This account has been deactivated. Only you can see CC on your friends list. You may unfriend CC if you wish. Or words to that effect.

I assumed that meant the account and page had been closed down entirely.

Then a stray comment from someone about the fact that the account had never stopped working for them, so they'd not been alerted as I had. I didn;t think much about that at the time.

Then today I was looking at dwellar's friends lists for some of the dwellars I haven't seen on there yet. And I saw CC as one of our mutual friends. As on my friends list the avatar is a white on blue blank face, but, I clocked on her name expecting to find a deactivated account message and instead I got her facebook page. Still there. With updates gone, but friends lists and basic details. And a Add Friend button.

I thought the account had gone, but was I actually unfriended?

When I click on her name in my own friends list I get the deactiavted message still.

I don't know. I saw the same thing you saw with the blank face and her name, a couple pictures, and her 'friends' list.

It's very strange. Of course, the whole thing is surreal. :(

Facebook is weird.

On my phone, I now have two entries for her on FB. One with her picture that doesn't work, and one with no picture that does work, but that is missing her updates from the last year.

On my PC, I can only see the entry that works, but you aren't listed as one of her friends there, and all her updates from the last year are gone.

Did you friend her in the last year? Maybe everything from the last year is gone.

Whenever FB acts wonky, I blame FB.

Not being able to ask her broke a dam. I'm still crying. I don't mean just the friending thing, but her absence, and the finality of it.

She knew, I think, that I cared for her. But I don't think I ever told her that I looked up to her. Her approval over some thing said, or written was something I really valued.

I did yes. ok, maybe that's what it is.

Thanks. Whether that is it or not, your experience suggests a fb quirk is more likely responsible.

Most likely facebook, because she told me how much she liked you and respected your view of life and the world.
I haven't worked up the courage to delete her from my address book. I guess I haven't accepted it yet. :cry:

I know. It hits me at weird times.

There was something earlier that triggered a memory. Something she said a lot that cracked me up? I can't remember it now.

I still can't believe it. It doesn't seem real.

dana I suspect that was my stray comment. turns out i don't use fb the way you do. i just typ ein the name and it goes to the page. if i go to my friends, i get the samething you do. scuse typing no lenses. rememebered I meant to tellyou this before I went to bed

Andy has recently developed a fondness for reverse engineering footwear. He's not hungry, he leaves the pieces right there and there's food and water in the next room, he's not bored, Tucker Mojo is right here to play with, SonofV and I are both in the same room, he's not stressed out in any way I can determine, we're all just hanging out this afternoon...

But I want to kill him when I look over and see another shoe in pieces.

That sucks V.

Thanks all on the fb thing. I meant to post once I got home (really hate posting with phone) then forgot. Made me feel better.

I am upset about 3 things:

1. My body clock is all off from flying back from Hawaii and fell asleep at 9 PM but woke up at 12:20 AM and am still awake. This after not sleeping at all on the 11 hours it took to get home much of which was at night!

2. There is still something in my attic. I think it is a rat because he is most active at night, I heard him chewing on something above our bedroom. We cannot find any entry point outside and our house has brick walls! No holes along the roof line or anywhere we can see. We have been hearing this for a few months now.

3. A piece of an old amalgam filling on an upper back molar broke off. I haven't had a metal filling in 35 years so it's an oldie but now I need to make an appointment with the dentist.

Some of you may remember my posting pictures of the demolition of the Gold Ray Dam in Oregon in 2010.
The year before that, the dam on the Sandy River was also demolished.
The idea behind these demonlitions was to remove barriers to salmon spawning in waters up river of the dams.

Great !
Now comes the "Native Fish Society" ...

Oregon Live.com
3/18/13

Judge to rule on stopping salmon release by Sandy Hatchery
Well that all sounds very good: "native fish" instead of all those "nasty" hatchery fish.
Why would anyone argue with that ?
Well, ....

So what, those rebuttals are just the government bureaucrats protecting their jobs. Aren't they ?

Well, maybe not...
The following is what the Native Fish Society's says about itself:

The Oregon Hatchery Accountability Project
The politics of salmon in Oregon is akin to a hurricane.
The Oregon Dept of Fish and Wildlife has been put under
the administration control of the Oregon Dept of Forestry.
That sounds OK... until you realize this is the same Department
that controls commercial logging and is an immense advocate
for the timber industry.

Just because the name of the group sounds good, don't be fooled
by the intent of the people running the organization.

Likewise, claims that hatchery fish are inferior to native fish sound believable,
until it's pointed out that in many hatcheries, it is the wild,
native fish returning to spawn that are captured and used
as the breedimg stock for the smolts to be raised in the hatchery
and then released.

There is a difference between "conservation" and "conservative" politics.
.