Ah ha! It is apparently from this book in her school library.

Hector's inaugural season as a high school hockey goalie is almost over.... :( Senior Night (last home game) is next week. The Senior Goalie's mom told me that when they were asking the seniors for amusing anecdotes from their careers he asked if they had to be "appropriate". The answer was yes, but tell me the inappropriate ones. So he told her about the first time they played like crap this season and were whinging like hell and the coach was asking for comments. Apparently, the hitherto pretty silent Freshman Goalie (5foot nothing, 80lb) piped up and told them they all needed to "Grow A Pair". There was a shocked silence for a while....
:lol:

Nice!

I have no idea where he heard such a phrase (no really, it wasn't from me, I like to teach that you don't need "a pair" (or even one) to give it your all....) I admit the 'tude may be not entirely out of the blue....ish ;)

....she's not looking....right?....
....
.....


Junior in High School discussing making her poster to run for vice-Prezz of he National Honors Society at her school....

"Favorite Quote..... "How much is a Brazilian?"




So after I picked my jaw up of the floor and spluttered WHAT!!!!!???????!!!!!


She said ......you know, Bush, when he was told three Brazilian soldiers had died......

.........

She's mad that I can't stop laughing ....tears are pouring from my eyes We both just got back from a weekend of water polo training in Chicago and are knackered. it's an honest mistake, but still funny as all hell......

and we're racking them up tonight..... Just watched the 12yo come out of his bedroom to get a drink of water. he held his left palm over his left eye the whole time while he turned the tap on, filled the cup, turned it off, drank.... with the right hand only.

Me: is your eye hurting?

Him: No, I'm just preserving my night vision so I won't be scared when I go back to bed....

That's an old military trick, did he pick that up from his paintball gang?

Robert Duvall in "Jack Reacher"

cinekatz.com/double-team-review-jack-reacher/

Eta , chock a block full of spoilers;you've been warned

I bet he saw the Mythbusters episode about pirates.

bingo :D

I missed that episode.

He did it again last night. other eye this time. How in the hell does he even remember? I wake in the night, I'm lucky to remember to open either eye as I stumble to the bathroom OR they're both wide open before my brain is because something WOKE ME UP.....

A friend posted this on FB: (name changed)

"I was informed this morning by Opal's teacher:

Opal tried to cut her own hair yesterday. Opal's classmate saw it and ran to the teacher and told the teacher. Opal's teacher stop her, took the scissors away and told her not to do it again. Opal turn to her classmate pointed at her with her fingers and started to mimic scissors with her fingers cutting her hair and clothing. Pointed back at her classmate and said you are next... "

:lol: Fiesty little girl. She's only in pre-K.

Minifob's class did a project on poor children in Africa who can't afford shoes, including learning about the diseases and injuries that can happen.

Later, we are in Target, and we pass by a toddler in a stroller with no shoes on. Minifob points at her and shouts, "Mommy, she's going to get hookworms!"

:lol:

another FB post from a friend, regarding a power failure:

Smart!

Did the toddler's mom hear that and if yes, how did she react to it?

Oh she definitely heard it, everyone in a 20-foot radius heard it... but I don't know how she reacted because I immediately scurried away with him, explaining that we don't point and talk about people we don't know, no matter whether we're saying something nice/factual or not.

"This Thursday, one toddler will out another toddler as a vector for hookworms..."

"In a city where dogs run free and toddlers go barefoot, a young girl learns the horrifying truth and speaks out ..."

LoL......my nephew would loudly say a woman is fat sometimes. :lol: Had to teach what NOT to say about a woman. Perhaps I should stop calling myself fat in front of him so often that he thinks it's okay to say that out loud.

For awhile we had to make the rule for Minifob, "When someone is fat, we say, 'I like your hair.'" It really helped for him to have a replacement phrase, because he felt absolutely compelled to comment.

Good idea. One of my guys asked, "What's wrong with your face?" of an adult visitor last week.

How do you respond to that? (As a teacher and as the person with the face.)

The kids are on a roll this week...

Minifobette is heading into her weekly social skills playgroup, and she is hopping across the floor instead of walking.

Therapist: Oh, are you hopping like a bunny?
Minifobette: No, I'm doing parkour.

We both ignored it. If I knew her, I might have turned it into a teachable moment, but this child has real deficits in receptive language and tends to explode when he doesn't understand something. So I tend to choose my moments carefully.

That's hilarious. How old is she again?

She's 5, about to turn 6 in April. Her exposure to parkour comes from spending time on YouTube with my stepkids (ages 15 and 12...)

I figured it wasn't from watching The Office. That's funny.

Sitting here listening to my nephew do his homework. He asks out loud, "What causes drought? What causes drought?" No one answers. "How much water does a cow drink?" My sister goes over to him to see what he's doing. She sees that he answered the reason for California's drought is because the cows drank all water. Hmmm.....

In the car ready to drive somewhere.

mm: I brushed my teeth but forgot to comb my hair.
f3: I combed my hair but forgot to brush my teeth.
mm (muttering): Oh my god, your breath is going to smell disgusting.

:lol: :lol: :lol: She's right, you know. Your breath would smell disgusting. :lol:

Just heard a student say to her classmate, "Hashtag, go fuck yourself"

:lol:

I could put this in the proud parent brag thread, or the humor thread, but it's here.

The mm invented her first joke today:

"What does Mickey Mouse drive?"

"A Minnie van."

She says it's her own.

My kids are all grown up and have their own kids, so this will have to be about the grandkids.

My younger daughter has 2 children and I've been taking care of them since the first on was born 8+ years ago. Just before the younger one got out of diapers (her idea) she came over to me one day and said "I pooped". I checked her by smelling close to her back side and she smelled like she had pooped, so I picked her up and said "lets go back to your room and I'll change you". She was all in agreement and went right along with it. we got back to her room, I took off her pants and then undid her diaper. It was clean and dry, and she immediately started crawling arround on the bed laughing and saying "That Funny".

:D nice, and welcome Bardo.

Thankyou, I did mention that my younger daughter has 2 children that I have been taking care of since right after they were born, so that my daughter and the father could work. One day right after the girl was born we were in the car, I was taking the father to work, and the conversation got around to some of the food he liked. I asked him where it came from and he answered "The grocery store." I mentioned that before that it comes from a farm, he disagreed and insisted that it came from the grocery store. So I asked him where the grocery store got it. He thought for a few seconds and then said, "It's too far away, you can't see it".

How do you actually feel about your son in law? Haha. Your daughter knows about farms though right? ;)

Sorry, that was my grandson at about 5 years old who made that comment. I see now that I wasn't very clear on that point. My son-in-law thought that what his son said was very funny,

Oh excellent. I feel much better about the future for your grandkids now. Haha

While playing a videogame together:

Stepson: Look out, those zombies are coming after us...
Minifob: Only because we're destroying their habitat!

Watched the Tour de France go through Otley today. Merveilleux.
I was right outside my front door and next to a family with a couple of small children.
Before the race, le caravane goes through, throwing treats and favours into the crowds.

I imagine that in some places it goes through at almost walking pace, but in Otley it went through at (a guess) about 50mph - well above the usual speed limit, but of course the roads are completely closed. Some vans/ lorries/ floats had large cut-away sections which would have made handing out large items safe at lower speeds. We only got tiny things flung from the back of cars.

I caught some mini bags of Haribo, some wristbands and an inflatable pillow (actually that hit the side of my face) and duly handed them over to the children, because that was part of the fun of it.

The littlest girl was on her Daddy's shoulders. Both her parents asked her for reports as to what was coming next along the road, as she had the best view.

Suddenly she screamed out "OMG! [saying the letters] it's a Fruit Shoot!"
This is a fruit based drink aimed at children.
She could barely contain herself, happier at the Fruit Shoot vehicle with an enormous bottle on top than anything Tour-related. I think if a fully costumed Disney procession had gone past she couldn't have been happier. Which did make me smile.

Anyway, after about three flavours went by and nothing had been thrown, she was so disappointed.
Her Mum said, "No pet, they were going too fast, it would have been dangerous."

"Ask the lady" came the reply, "I bet she got some."

Her Mum felt the need to apologise but I was already pretty giggly and had to laugh.
There is a little girl somewhere in Yorkshire tonight who thinks I am either a great goalie, or a mean Fruit-Shoot stealer.
Or both.

Love it! Any other Tour Tales?

What a great highlight, Sundae.

Speaking of OMG, the other night the inch, the mm, and I were watching some movie and the inch shouts "MG...O!"

"MGO?"

"Yeah, Oh My G... I mean OMG."

Well, yeah, that plus braaaaaaaaainnnssss.

This is as good a place as any.

These contain not NSFW misspellings:

Attachment 48446

No one wants to ask their parents to buy them hores.




And this one, from one of LJ's sprog, apparently:

Attachment 48447

I told you there were misspellings, should be COCK!

:p:

I was playing some Pink Floyd to "The Little People" and explaining Another Brick in the Wall (We don't need no education, etc)

The mm asks, "Are they singing that to the teacher?"
Me: "Yes."

mm: "I bet she was really offended."

Pink Floyd has new album coming out in October (I think).

"The Endless River" will be mostly ambient/instrumental music, as I understand it. Interestingly it's not 'new' music, it's expanded leftovers from 2008, and Rick Wright will be on there. He died in 2008.

[/drift]

oldest to middle child, complaining that he found onion in dinner: You know the "secret ingredient" they put in everything? It's onion.

Minifobette: Mommy, what is "do it with Justin Timberlake?"

Clodfobble: *delivers stunning TED Talk on sexual attraction*

Minifobette: *frowns, shows me her CD lyrics insert... DUET with Justin Timberlake

Ha Ha Ha, gotcha.

"Mom, what's oral?"

"It's where jewelry comes from, dear."

Lawl
You might have that backwards

This is fantastic. I'm not going to go back to double check, but I think this wins the thread.

So I'm driving back from a day at the beach in Galveston and told my 2 granddaughters (age 5 and 7) that when they get home they need to take showers and wash their hair and don't forget their girly parts as they got all sandy in the shallow water.

"Girly parts!" says the 5 year old with a giggle. "That's not their real name."

"Well, no" I reply, "I mean your vaginas."

They both giggle and the 7 year old asks, "do you have boy parts Grandpa?"

"Yes" I reply.

"Well what do you call those?" she asks.

"That's called a penis"

"Well be sure to wash yours! Sand gets on it at the beach!" says the 5 year old.

I keep mine clean. :yesnod:

Inside and out!

My mom, on FB

"I just realized how sexist Solitaire is. The Queen can't come out unless the King is there!"