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-   -   Humor...I Need Humor... (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=4788)

Spexxvet 04-22-2009 04:36 PM

Why is George W. Bush's semen white and his urine yellow?

So he can tell if he's coming or going.

capnhowdy 04-22-2009 08:10 PM

Men's underwear come with built-in indicators.

Brown on the back: CHANGE
Yellow on the front: CHECK BACK
Pink: NEVER MIND

classicman 04-22-2009 11:14 PM

Subject: FW: HOT AIR BALLOON EXPERIENCE


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much
help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

capnhowdy 04-23-2009 06:49 AM

Very good. I'll rip and use that today. thnx.

Shawnee123 04-23-2009 07:32 AM

Oh classic classic classic...that is the worst recycled really old joke rendition I've ever read. It doesn't even make sense. ;)

classicman 04-23-2009 08:30 AM

sorry mom sent it to me and thought.... yeh she did that thinkin thing again. IT was late and I was tired and and and...

Shawnee123 04-23-2009 08:33 AM

Awww, it's alright...just giving you the business. [/beavercleaver]

xoxoxoBruce 04-23-2009 08:34 AM

You're a beaver cleaver? :eek:

Shawnee123 04-23-2009 08:52 AM

No, that's you. They don't call you Hatchet Cock for nothing.

capnhowdy 04-23-2009 08:56 PM

....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet.

Sheldonrs 04-23-2009 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123 (Post 559380)
No, that's you. They don't call you Hatchet Cock for nothing.

Well, you need the right tool if you"re going for a nice piece of ax.

Elspode 04-23-2009 10:59 PM

I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Gravdigr 04-24-2009 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy (Post 559666)
....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet.

Little Johnny walked in on his Mom in the shower. She saw that Johnny was staring at her vagina and said "Uh...that's where your father accidentally hit me with the hatchet."

Little Johnny said "Gee, he got ya right in the cunt didn't he?"

capnhowdy 04-24-2009 06:28 AM

:lol2:

Sheldonrs 04-24-2009 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode (Post 559692)
I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Sort of a Shaw Wood Forest, huh?


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