@ dar: it's those split seconds of cold that are too jolting! That's too much planning for the shower head direction, and too defensive to hold your hand up to ward off jolts, when it's easier to just let it start without you.

haggis

Very Short Story

Man driving down road.

Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, PIG!

Man yells out window, BITCH!

Man rounds next curve.

Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.



Thought For the Day: If men would just listen.

Have a few minutes to kill. Got this in an email from my boss today. Thought I'd share it with you.

Enjoy...


.......................................................................................................
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque, She pulls a Rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great.... That's just great! Some asshole's got my pen!

That reminds me of a blond joke.
How do you know a blond is having a bad day.
There is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!


There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn't get a fair trial


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.


But the most compelling evidence of all : 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do


Have a Blessed Day!

Chuckled out loud.

While my water heats up, I like to go outside and have a smoke.

Just kidding, I don't smoke.



I like to go outisde and have a chaw.



Which brings up the next question:

If it's okay to pee in the shower, and it's okay to poop in the shower, is it okay to spit my tobaccy juice in the shower?

Just make sure you empty it before the next showerer.

I know we have covered peeing, but pooping? Seriously?

You know, it's just like the book says: Everybody Poops, In the Shower

Why poop in the shower when you have a cat to do it for yoy?

I was reminded of the Flame warriors and was having a great laugh rereading them and assigning types to dwellars (nope, not namin' nothin'), so I was going to resurrect the Flame warriors thread, but then I reread it and noticed it wasn't one of our best and I didn't want to be a Necromancer so I thought I'd post the link here instead. Flame Warriors

and I came up with a new one: MeMeMe. I think I may be one of these.
MeMeMe cannot let a meme die -even on 9/11, you insensitive bastards- and is on a mission to use evryone at least once a day. Cock.

:lol:

haggis be

What do you call 50 bumblebees trapped in a Budweiser bottle?


A redneck vibrator.

Correlation vs. causation
 

Sometimes the relationship seems obvious:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/decline.png