Oh Monster. I am so sorry to hear this. Virtual hugs sent your way.

The fates are cruel.

They are and savagely so.


Easy for me to say, I know, but try not to second guess your decisions about things like this. What you need to be doing, is what you are doing at any given moment. Sometimes that means not making a decision and that's ok too. It takes what it takes.

Be kind to yourself hon.

OK, I'm sure this is TMI and way too maudlin, but I need to tell someone, I'mm'a hope it's like telling about the monster under the bed...

I knew there would be dreams. But I thought they would be dreams about him still being here and alive and then I'd wake and be disappointed. but they are not.

They're just realistic flashbacks of the whole horrible thing. So much so that I avoid going to bed in the hope I'll get too little sleep to reach dream phase.

I know, don't worry, I'll deal with it. That's how much I used to get anyway, but I had been getting a little better..... it's just a relapse. I do get some sleep. I'm off to bed RFN. and it's um ....well not midnight yet.

:(

I hope those ones fade soon. Was last night ok?

Sorry, monster. I've been in the conscious/subconscious desire-to-avoid-sleep boat before myself. I hope it gets better soon.

That's awful, Monster. Do you have some old home movies or old letters you could go through before you go to bed? Seems like it would be somewhat better to remember the good times.