bump.

Is there any chance we can get even a hint of context here?

I mean, I suppose in the most generic terms... we're talking about a scenario where husband wants one thing, wife wants another, and it's such a divisive issue that it threatens the marriage? At that point it's not loyalty to the spouse vs. loyalty to self, it's loyalty to self vs. loyalty to the marriage, which the self also has a stake in.

Big V, this is clearly an important question for you, but I don't think it can be set out in such vague terms. Please give us some context. Is this related to the time of year (it was an issue for you about a year ago, too)?

yes.

sorry.

I will provide some useful context, quite soon, just now, I can not.

Give me a minute.

Simple. You said I do, or I will, so now you'd better.

That's what I did by the end! But I was faced with dealing with a diagnosed obsessive-compulsive control freak, so it was a matter of self-preservation.

context.

the thread's old, I don't remember the original context.

the situation's old, the players are the same, the stakes are far far higher.

I am trying to change my head.

loyalty is not the right word anymore.

I have to change my level of trust, self confidence.. shit I'm afu.

maybe you should sit a few plays out.

good idea.

Who will sub for me?

Who will carry the ball forward?

Who will defend my goal?

Your suggestion is an excellent one. I need a second. A substitute. A backup. A friend.

Get a counsellor

BigV, I don't know what to tell you because I don't know what you are going through. You know what I've been through though, so just know that we're here. and there. and, hell, this is the cellar, so we're everywhere.