Yep, you're right. Recently I've gotten more and more distressed by the "say your happy, and you'll be happy" school of "thought."

How do you know she sees? At any rate, as your department head, she should certainly NOT try to give you any counseling--it's just not a good idea when there is a pre-existing close relationship of some kind.

Wait, hold up. How does this fit in?? What's going on here? (I'm not asking you to vent publicly, but you have to figure it out.) IMVHO, it would be a mistake to address your job/burnout issues without some input from whoever is treating you for depression. Your worst case scenario is that your symptoms are driven by your depression and you will have the same problems in a new job, no matter how good that job is.


Check the rules carefully... at most places, in the event that you do quit, they will have to pay you off for the value of any earned but unused vacation time.


All the more reason you should seriosuly consider bailing. At the moment you're simply rewarding her behavior.

Yes, it's so true... people will just say, "oh, don't be so negative!" But forget it.. if you think bailing out is the right thing to do, you need to do it.. and not worry about how it will affect your mom and her perception of you.

And your pride and loyalty do you credit. But it sounds like your boss doesn't deserve them. What you need to decide is, do you just have a problem with your boss/department? Or is it the institution as a whole? If the answer is B, you really do need some kind of exit strategy. (And I know that's easier said than done. Looking for a job is hard work, and it's difficult to do when you're being drained by an existing job, and a problematic emotional/psychological situation.) If the answer is A, and you really feel loyalty to the institution, then you should consider carefully if you want to complain to your HR office, with an eye toward a transfer to another department.

So I would say, don't decide that you can't afford to quit until you find out exactly how much $$ you have coming to you for your unused vacation time. Also, in the situation you describe, your boss will suffer greatly from your leaving, and will have a hard time finding a replacement. These may sound like cold comfort now. But if you do it, I promise you'll derive a surprising amount of pleasure from the situation. It won't pay the bills but it'll do wonders for your morale.

When I first read the tirade I thought maybe a job change to astronaut could be in order for Shawnee but she seems like she needs support more than sarcasm. I understand her feelings of loyality. Most of us identify with our jobs a lot more than we realize. If someone asks who we are we tend to respond in terms of what we "do" "I'm a minister" instead of "what" we are "I'm an aging, overweight, white, agnostic male". It becomes a powerful (as well as econically necessary) part of our existance.

In addition to temp agencies, you could also call up some consulting companies. I am not sure where you are, but they do pay well and have a better chance of giving you benefits right off the bat. I am not sure about Manpower, but the temp agency I used to work for only offered it after like 6 months of straight work.

Just an idea - I know how you feel, but one thing you have to keep in mind is that you cannot let the job rule your life. It isn't your life, it is just a job. No one will die if you take some time for yourself. The only one that will be hurting will be you. Hope you work it all out.

Shawnee - I know where you're coming from, having been in a very similar place. When your job starts to affect your personal life, it's time to review where you are and where you're headed.

For me, it meant giving notice on a Monday, and when the abuse kept up on Tuesday, walking out of the office and not looking back. I understand the financial concerns, because they were huge for me as well - but I would recommend taking Clod's advice, taking a day or three off, and hitting up the local temp agencies.

There are other jobs out there. There is only ONE you.

It might be too late for my real dream jobs: Astronaut or Fireman or Cowboy. Sigh... Pirates can be pretty old, can't they? ;)

Sorry, haven't read every response here but wonder: Shawnee, do you have a doc? A GP or a Psych? Anyway, either one can fill out the papers for Medical Leave of Absence. Perhaps you could get MLA and then decompress enough to figure out what you NEED to do. If you worry about your job while on MLA there still is FMLA to protect you. You sound exactly (though, of course, way more eloquent) like me a few years ago. I was getting paranoid. Very paranoid. It was either ME or the JOB. I know (Lord, do I know) how entangled we get with JOB=ME thinking. ya know what? fuck that. I'd rather be a happy waitress with an English degree than a miserable Rn making lots of money.

FYI--I used to live on 58,000 a year. Now I live on 20,000 a year and I've only sacrificed a BIT. (well, ok. I desperately need a car and things for the house, but, hey, I needed those things when I was making money and never did follow thru with it) YOU CAN DO IT! You really can.

YOU are more important than any job.

Thanks Bri...I always enjoy your opinions because you do seem to have gone through a lot of the same things.

ON the other hand, knowing how short-staffed we are, there is NO WAY I could be off for an extended period of time without them making some arrangements. We are WAY understaffed as it is, and that loyalty kicks back in that I don't want to make everyone else miserable. Of course, I've been on the receiving end of this many times. It's funny when I hear of schools who have one person doing verifications, one person pulling in and analyzing and comparing FAFSA information, one person administering scholarships, others who counsel, someone who reports disbursements to the Dept of Ed (and reconciles those to the penny...millions of doleros.) Someone to determine state awards. I do all those things and more. My coworkers have as much on their plates. They turned down our proposal for a new staff person (bad budget, bad bad budget, they all lament.) Never mind that the number of students processed increases in leaps and bounds each year.

Anyway, here I go again. I would like to stay in the public employee sector (the bennies are pretty good) and work for the state or city. I need to really look into options.

But, if I don't get some relief soon, I may be taking medical leave without pre-planning it.

By the way, Bri...you rock, but you don't post enough! :p

They are short-staffed and would need to make arrangements? Well, your manager is a Big Girl, and, if we are to believe that she deserves her exalted position and bloated pay, she should be ready to make those kinds of "arragements"---let her do her job.


An MLA is pretty much bullet-proof. PM me for more details.

It's always fun when you find out later that they replaced you with two people.

It's even more fun when they don't replace you at all. :(

But then there's the place that gets fired from their contract after you leave. :D

Yeah, well, in my case it took them a year after I left to break down and decide to do that. :headshake

I found out recently that the last company I worked for in Philly (Radian) was sold to one of its competitors (MGIC). While I feel bad for all the people that will lose their jobs, it brought a smile to my face. That company couldn't make up its mind what it wanted to do and didn't have the management to straighten it out.

I have plenty of time off coming, but if I mention taking time off my boss has not acted like she liked the idea (again, the fact that I may have a complete breakdown at any moment seems irrelevant to the fact that there is work to do.).......Shawnee123

Take it....take all of it. Screw the boss and the horse she rode in on.

But save one day for graduation.