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-   Nothingland (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=36)
-   -   Aliantha's attention avarice advances alliteration attempts by assclown (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=15257)

Trilby 09-04-2007 08:02 AM
motivated to mock the masses.

YOINK!

Spexxvet 09-04-2007 11:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sycamore (Post 381112)
Jim, could you please send me some of whatever the fuck you're smoking? ...
He uses the cyber date-rape drug. On himself. Then he brutally attacks his penis. And likes it.

Flint 09-04-2007 11:34 AM
This first part is really funny:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spexxvet
He uses the cyber date-rape drug. On himself.
But this part is completely unnecessary:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spexxvet
Then he brutally attacks his penis.
Adding too much information can ruin a joke. Next, more overkill:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spexxvet
And likes it.
It's a repeat of the "long/short" timing, from the first two lines. Too much of a good thing.

Spexxvet 09-04-2007 11:44 AM
I was trying to meet specific criteria:

Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim (Post 380991)
....to pop into a thread after it has played and deride those involved by taking it seriously and making snooty comments. Fillibusterer, tw frequently employs this maddening method of mushmouthed manipulation when he is motivated to mock the masses.
...
Just that first sentence wouldn't have been serious, snooty, or mushmouthed enough.

Flint 09-04-2007 11:46 AM
Less is more. The first sentence was powerful. The additional text only diluted it, leaving it spread thin, and ineffective. :2cents:

Trilby 09-04-2007 11:50 AM
It's nice to see some literary criticism taking place here in the Cellar. Long overdue, I say.

Cicero 09-04-2007 01:24 PM
I think if she had separated those three comments only adding in between other people's posts it would have really worked.
An "LJ Streaming Narrative".
A new and innovative writing style. Whaddaya think? I might adopt it.

Flint 09-04-2007 01:29 PM
Demonstrate?

Cicero 09-04-2007 01:39 PM
Well, say I brought up possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer.

Flint 09-04-2007 01:43 PM
What is the "new and innovative writing style" ???

Cicero 09-04-2007 01:51 PM
I'm getting to that Flint. I am demostrating. The new and innovative writing style is the "LJ Streaming Narrative."

Now say I brought up possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer as an example. (this is fiction folks and not intended as a jab)
Again.

Flint 09-04-2007 01:56 PM
Okay, let's say you brought up the possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer. As an...example. Of...something.

Cicero 09-04-2007 02:12 PM
Lj scowls and folds up the binoculars, and goes to the back bedroom and opens the drawer.

Flint 09-04-2007 02:16 PM
Flint falls asleep at his desk. He falls and hits his head on the keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd... . . . like that?

Cicero 09-04-2007 04:17 PM
He digs through his latest copies of ass-masters and deposits the binoculars in his favorite hiding spot.


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