After showering, dry yourself from top to bottom.

Coffee beans must be ground just before brewing.

As she nears orgasm, suck lightly on the clitoris.

This is for all the younger dwellars, as they set out to find their own places and, if you're anything like I was, start out with cheap furniture from Odd Lots or K-mart that requires massive assembly. YMMV, I love putting stuff together:

1) Take everything out of the box.
2) Find the directions. Look at them. Love them. Embrace them.
3) Sort out all the pieces. If you have 2 Screw Cs, make sure you are supposed to have two and not four.
4) Lay all sorted pieces out in generally the same order you will be needing them.
5) Follow Step 1 of directions
6) Follow Step 2 of directions
7) Continue in this manner until finished.
8) If you've read the directions, you will know you don't completely tighten any screws or nuts until the end. Do this now.
9) If you've followed the directions religiously, you will have a particle board coffee table Ethan Allen himself would be proud of.
Oh, and I guess the prologue to Step 1 would be "buy screwdriver."

So what time should I be there? (I like mine rare, and Johnnie Walker Black will do just fine thanks.)

"always add acid to water"

You mix the drink before you cook the steaks, right?

The drunker you are the better they taste.

Did you mean 40%? You could be right about the oil. But olive is what we have on hand and it seems to do the trick.

It will water itself down when the ice melts. What I'm doing is "pre-staging" the drink. Kind of like reaching out and gently pushing the ride cymbal with your hand, to get encourage a gentle vibrating motion before you actually strike it. This prevents the first note from being harsh, if you catch my drift. Gets you right into the cushy part of the groove.

Additional research shows that while extra virgin's smoke point is somewhat low, the more refined extra-light olive oil has the same smoke point as corn oil. You may resume in perfection, just use the extra-light.

I never knew that about the cymbal. Goodness.

I'm surprised nobody has commented on the hair dryer.

I thought that was an Alton Brown innovation. It's in his book.

The right way to drink:

Open bottle of liquor
Bring to lips
Tip bottle of liquor up to a 70degree angle
Take 1 large swallow
Lower bottle of liquor
Sigh and wipe your lips
Repeat

I did not know that. I learned it from my dad. He only used it to revive dying coals in an emergency. I, however, use it to produce the same perfectly heated coals every time. That, and as mentioned, for the "cleaning cycle" during which those half-a-bottle of lighter fluid sized flames are directed towards all parts of the grill, cauterizing the grates and burning away and lurking lighter fluid vapors.

to make an omelet:

1. 3 eggs. (fuck tone loc) crack them one handed into a cereal bowl.
2. whip up to fluffy with a fork .....you have to lift it as you stir to inject air into the eggs.
3. heat the pan and put a nice blop of real butter in there to melt
4. before the butter burns, pour in the eggs
5. let the eggs cook until a bubble begins to rise
6. using a batter spreader or a spatula, lift the edge of the cooked eggs, and tilt the pan so the raw egg wash runs under the cooked part
7. repeat this at different spots around the pan until there is no more egg running well enough to flow under the cooked parts.
8. let the bottom firm up a bit
9. flip eggs using a 'little e' motion
10. add omelet ingredients to left side of the circle
11. as the omelet firms up, slide the left side off onto the plate, and flip the right side over on top of it to close it
12. sprinkle shredded cheese, or segmented sliced cheese if desired
13. serve with hashbrowns or homefries and toast

http://sunnyside-up-cafe.com/omelet.JPG

Now I'm hungry again.

<tim allen>For real power, you use a leaf blower.</tim allen>

I actually saw this done in Seattle at an off-site where they were making smoked salmon for 50 people.