I can read upside down and backwards.

Can't do any of the knuckle or individual finger things, can do the Vulcan Salute, can cross the fingers without assistance of the other hand, can roll tongue. Can't dance. I'm not as bad as Elaine, but I can't dance. I'm mighty white when it comes to dancing and basketball.

I can make my index fingers undulate like a cartoon charmed snake.

I can crack my ankle. Just the right one.

One of my college friends could do that. He would randomly walk up to people and announce, "There is magic in the Earth, and it goes 'wriggle, wriggle, wriggle.'" The proper accent is somewhat like that of Tim the Enchanter.

He would start the finger waving at the first 'wriggle' and continue throughout, punctuating each 'wriggle' with a fresh wave.

It describes somewhat clumsily, but it was fairly cool. Strange to have it done to you. He was a class-A geek (now has a doctorate in computer science) and knew better than to try to pull that gag on P.E. Majors. It went over great with the rest of us in the Honors Program.

I can do amazing squats (according to my trainer), standing, with arms straight up over my head, to full squat with butt almost touching the ground and right back up.

Yeah, I'll bet that's "amazing" when he's right behind you, "observing your form" ...

I just recently started putting a plate under my heels, for stability, when squatting. And high reps (torture!). Squats are the king of all exercises.

How do you do them without your knees breaking? Mine always feel like they're about to shatter like a dropped vase.

Tell your sissy knees to stop whining? I don't know. These days my workouts are arranged around what's least injured.

I can pop my toes without touching them. And I can make my ankles make gross grinding noises, but that isn't the same as popping them. :)

By Hugh Gallagher:

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.

Oh my god it's Merc!

The sleeping in the chair bit is accurate. Our call room has a bed that sucks big time. So we bought a recliner. I have been using it as a bed for two years.

I can sleep on a big rock.

When I was in my 20's and 30's I could too, no problem. Now I have to many aching joints painful bits.