Greetings, Amy...I'm a relative newbie here as well. Don't forget to duck when low-flying flames shoot by!

Seriously, for a public forum, the people here are pretty darn bright (discounting myself, of course) and very interesting in the oddest ways. You'll enjoy it here...or else!

Re: Real Funny Dave
 

Yes, be sure to point out how superior you are by not being mean.

Do me a favor and chill out. I wasn't making fun of you.

Hello Amy,

I'd like to take this opportunity to say that I am watching over you and protecting you. Unless of course you don't believe in me. Then yer on yer own.

This is not an invite to flame me for everything bad that ever happened to you either. I'm a busy man, I can't make everyone's life wine and roses. :)

Ummm Excuse me God Sir... or Madam as the case may be... I have a question I've always wondered about maybe You can Enlighten me...

Can You make a long distance telephone call that lasts so long You can't afford to pay the bill for it?

Oh, and welcome to the Cellar Amy. It's a nice place. No, really it is. :cool:

(God checks the heavenly "unit") Yes, it's there and God is a man, despite silly modern notions that God might be a woman.

As for the phone bill. I make a *lot* of long distance calls since my actual appearance is normally intimidating to mortals. God is big and powerful but also a bit of a cheapass, so I use phone calling cards. Sure I can *miracle* money out of my ass, but I prefer to save my energy for helping people directly, making their breasts/peni bigger, making accounting miracles for the IRS, helping people to pass drug tests and the like.

God also has a lot of shit to do and would rather not deal with monthly bills. It's much easier to buy a pre-paid phone card and put it in a person's file so we can settle up when that person expires.

For some reason, I'm feeling rather less enlightened than I had expected to.

Not what you expected?

Welcome to the boards, dear!
 

Wanna fuck? :blush:

Goddamnit, we turn the childrens controls off, and look at what he does...

Re: Welcome to the boards, dear!
 

Watch out, NBN ... God will smite you ...

Goodness...Here I've just rededicated my life to the worship of my Lord and Savior Billy Mays and now I end up on the same BB as God?


Well, heck! I guess it's back to happy damnation and the Penn and Teller BS board for me...

The Lord works in mysterious ways :)

This is a part of my new PR campaign. I'm trying to be a more approachable and relatable God.

Oxyclean is a wonder to behold. Mine eyes are so clean you can eat off of them! Huzzah!

Grass stains! Clay stains! BLOOD!!!:eek:

30 messages of excited introductions, and yet I find it highly likely that Amy will never return to read or reply to a single one of them.

Alright, people, place your bets! How long will it be before Amy posts again? Will it be...

o  1 day
o  2 days
o  3 days
o  4 days
o  5 days
o  1 week
o  1 month
o  1 year
o &nbsp;<b>never</b>

I'm putting $5 on never. Feel free to invent your own option. :)