The Cellar - The relationship dance

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- - The relationship dance (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=29251)

Games? Grow up. That was easy.

Looking for someone who is by nature
warm
Me! Actually usually overheating
affectionate
Me! I'll affect your credit rating
and giving.
Me! I'll give you an STD

Sense of humor a must.
See above

Wealthy nymphomaniac liquor store owner
Ah. Fail.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle (Post 871386)

Not all relationships are governed by games. Mine isn't and I wouldn't be a part of one that is.

Sometimes dysfunction develops in the interactions between two people, you get caught in some negative feedback loops and have to work through them.

Don't take your experience and project it as normalcy or something that is preordained.

My wife and I both run hot and cold at some times. It's a natural ebbing and flowing of moods. Sometimes it's irritating because it seems like we get stuck in counter-cyclical periods. There's nothing machiavellian going on there.

I don't know what my point is. I guess I am just curious about what you're reading or seeing in culture that makes you think this sort of exploitative and defensive interpersonal calculus expected.

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt (Post 871400)

I also don't play games. In fact, towards the beginning of our relationship, my wife and I talked about how some people play games and we weren't going to do that. It was so freaking refreshing.

ditto guys

Games are dumb.

Except Candy Crush.

Umm ... very embarrassed here. I started this thread after ruminating on a relationship a long time ago that went south when I didn't play games, but it seemed that that was what was wanted. One of those things where you get no closure and it rankles, because somehow you feel you weren't good enough and you never got the chance to say what you wanted. It isn't actually about my marriage. I've never played games - never learned the princess stuff, or how to tie anyone around my little finger - and neither has my husband. So ... that was a bit of late-night TMI that is now making me cringe. :redface:

But I do love Sundae's response to foot3's ad!!

What a tangled web we weave
Go 'round with circumstance
Someone show me how to tell the dancer
From the dance

Quote:

Originally Posted by orthodoc (Post 871382)

... the whole approach/back off thing ...

If a woman responds to interest positively, she is immediately taken for granted or patronized. If she backs off or grows cold, the same man comes running, pulling out all the romantic stops. As soon as she responds, he pulls away. So she must learn to be cold and aloof, while offering some faint hope of future positive interaction - even if her nature is to be warm and giving.

From my reading, I gather this is to be expected. Men don't react well to a warm, giving female. Women have to be cold and perpetually play the game, apparently.

I am a very late bloomer and seemingly slow learner. However, even I am capable of learning after being bludgeoned with two-by-fours a few times. I just don't like the required lessons. But I can learn and pass the exam. That seems to be what's required, when all's said and done.

no:

the reason he isn't reacting well to the "warm giving female" - presumably your actual personality - is because he isn't really into you, your not really clicking on his end.
the reason he is reacting to you pulling back has nothing to do with you or who you are, he just wants what he can't have. immature as hell, but quite human.

...and i'm betting the reason your stuck in the paradox is because your using the later part to give yourself the illusion that he's desiring you so that you don't have to deal with the rejection of the first part.

face it for what it is, and find someone who genuinely likes you.