So I'm beating the chicken er pounding the chicken... ah hitting raw chicken with a rolling pin to make Chicken Milanase, talk about your flying campylobactor! Next time I think I'll put it in a zip lock freezer bag.

That's it Griff. Exactly what I reckon. You need to educate people about better food hygiene rather than telling them you'll get sick from washing it. It just helps to build misinformation networks among those who choose not to educate themselves. IMO of course.

I like to put the chicken between two pieces of plastic wrap. Also I like to pound it with my hand. (I am still talking about the chicken.)

Yeah, the two pieces of plastic wrap are really convenient.

We have one of these pounders. It works well.
Attachment 48252

Between pounding the chicken breast so it is a consistent thickness from edge to edge, and using an instant meat thermometer like this one, our chicken has gone from being raw in the middle and tough on the edges, to being really tender and moist every time throughout the entire breast.
Attachment 48253

That thermometer has especially been a game changer in the kitchen. I had previously overcooked all meats in my paranoia of germs.

Ewww, doesn't all that pounding, stabbing with the thermometer, and letting all the fresh warm blood escape, kill the chicken before you're ready to eat it? :(

Save the bags from cereal. I use a cheap rubber mallet to pound
With

And if it's captain crunch, leave some in the bag and you get awesome breading