Yeah, but only if you HAVE them.


I also left out such things as:

When you meet a new person, sniff their butt....
Kitty poop is a good snack....
When you toss your cookies, eat it quick before it goes bad...
After a bath, go roll in the most disgusting thing you can find...



Some things just aren't warm and fuzzy, and not appropriate for a nice, wholesome family place like the Cellar, you know?:p


Sidhe

Yet MORE phrase origins:




The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic
Church. When deciding if someone should be sainted, a
devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative
view.


The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English
law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with
anything wider than your thumb.


The phrase "sleep tight" originated when mattresses were
set upon ropes woven through the bed frame. To remedy
sagging ropes, one would use a bed key to tighten the rope.



And I thought this was cool:


The last thing to happen is the ultimate. The next-to-last
is the penultimate, and the second-to-last is the
antepenultimate.

bought the farm
 

I’d have to look this up to get it right and I’m too lazy but I believe the story behind “bought the farm” had to do with test pilots crashing on farm land and the Army having to pay the farmer for damages to his crops.

Here are some interesting and useless facts:

There are 62,000 miles of arteries, capillaries, and veins
in the adult human body.


At 12,000 feet above sea level, there is barely enough
oxygen in La Paz, Bolivia to support combustion. The city
is nearly fireproof.


The only crime defined in the U.S. Constitution is treason—
Article III, Section 3.


The worst climate in the world may be at Yakutsk, in
Russia. In winter, the temperature falls to -84 degrees
Fahrenheit. In summer, it can reach 102 degrees Fahrenheit.


No one truly has double joints. Contortionists are actually
able to stretch the fibrous tissues known as ligaments.
Ligaments hold organs in place and fasten bones together.
Ligaments normally restrict the movements of certain
joints, but some folks find that their ligaments are more
flexible than others.



------------------- Bizarre Signs ---------------------
(from Bizarre News)

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back
in."

On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your
plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your
nose?"

At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We
want tows."

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
Stay!"

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come
on in and get fed up.

At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."



Interesting and useless animal facts:

After the female praying mantis mates with her partner, she
then eats him. The female hooks her deadly arms around him
and slowly nibbles away at him during copulation. Sometimes
she doesn't even wait until after sex to make him her next
meal, but his sex drive is so strong that he can keep going
even while being eaten.

The male swamp antechinus, a mouse-like marsupial from
Australia, is the only mammal which dies after mating. The
males dedicate their lives to non-stop mating until they
literally drop dead. Most of them die of starvation because
they have no time to eat between sex.


A species of starfish known as the Linckia columbiae can reproduce its entire body — that is, grow back completely— from a single severed pieces less than a half-inch long.

Oopsies
 

The manager of Action Video in Greensboro, N.C., looked at the gun held by the robber in front of him. "That is not a real gun," Ron Simpson told the robber. "This is a real gun," he added as he pulled out his own gun, which he has a permit to carry. The surprised robber grabbed a candy rack to use as a shield. "Like that's going to stop the bullet," Simpson told him as he picked up the phone to call police. The robber ran. "Police don't suggest this, I know," Simpson said later, but "I'd do it again." (Greensboro News & Record)



When two men stepped up to the counter at a convenience store in Stuart, Fla., the clerk asked if they were old enough to buy beer. When Winston Lamar, 22, handed over his ID, she noticed he had a gun. But before he could do anything with it, store clerk Marie Blanco, 42, grabbed it and the men ran, taking the beer. A half hour later, Lamar called the store to ask if he could come back for the gun and ID. Blanco said he could, telling him the police had left, but two sheriff's deputies were there to arrest him and Drew Nash, 21, when they returned. (Ft Myers News-Press)


"Fiji Village to Apologize for Eating English Missionary" -- AFP
headline



Real Doctor's Excuses


1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

7. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

9. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

10. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

11. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

12. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

13. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

14. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

15. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

16. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

17. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

18. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

19. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

20. Please excuse Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.



Bizarre English Translations:

TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If
you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read
notis.

BUCHAREST HOTEL: The list is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

YUGOSLAVIAN HOTEL: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.

SWISS MENU: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

BANGKOK DRY CLEANERS: Drop your trousers here for best re-
sults.

CZECH TOURIST AGENCY: Take one of our horse-driven city
tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

SWISS MOUNTAIN INN: Special today - no ice cream.

NORWEGIAN LOUNGE: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

BUDAPEST (HUNGARY) ZOO: Please do not feed the animals. If
you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

JAPANESE HOTEL: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condi-
tion of warm in your room, please control yourself.

MAJORCAN SHOP: English well talking. Here speeching Ameri-
can.

Did you know...

Some maps will include a false lake, street, or other detail. The reason for this is to catch if another cartographer duplicates and publishes someone else's work.

Some fact books do something similar by including a made up fact. They could then catch if someone else copies their information.

How pissed would you be if you hiked for miles to a lake that didn't exist.

The driveway for Plastic Forks severed as such a check-feature on ADC maps for a very long time. Possibly still does. I haven't bought a fresh map in years.

In music, a 64th note is also called a "hemidemisemiquaver."

(say THAT five times fast...)


The painting known as Whistler's Mother is actually called Arrangement in Gray and Black.

The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long, or write approximately 50k english words.

The real name of the painting known as the Mona Lisa is La Giaconda. It's the portrait of a middle-class Florentine woman.

Tequila, indigenous to Mexico, is obtained from the agave which, contrary to myth, is not a cactus.

Audrey Hepburn's given name originally was Andrey. Andrey is a feminine form of Andrew. Belgian-born Hepburn changed the n to a u to become Audrey.

Camels store fat in the hump, not water. Baby camels are born without a hump, which comes later.

But...if the driveway was a fake feature, then how was there a driveway there?

Also, I just want to go on record as saying that, like the male preying mantis, I, too, can keep on having sex while being eaten.

:D

The streets I circled on this map do not exist:

http://ciberbosque.org/images/sycamore/map.jpg

So...what goes on over there on Blow Street, Syc?

We made fun of that street a lot as kids...I still chuckle whenever I pass it.

Blow St. is just a residential street that runs across the south side of St. Louis in several sections. Of course, I can't speak for what goes on behind closed doors...

Early Medical Procedures and References
 

From the Advocate. Source=World Features Syndicate

Plastic Surgery (noses): 750 BC
Reference to Dyslexia: 30 AD
Heart Valves named: 221 BC
Artificial Limb (foot): 484 BC
False Teeth: 700 BC
Sunscreen: 7800 BC

It's fake if the call it a street and it's really a driveway. Of course this driveway is more like a private road.

I deleted the Mantis part, 'cause I'd rather not get into that. :rolleyes: