When I was at my worst (homeless, penniless, very sick) I thought that if I kept on moving ahead, this could not last forever. Help always comes, and usually at the last minute. I know that you don't want to hear this, Better times they are a coming. If you want to talk PM me, I'm always here.

Thank you for your advice. I feel like I've been doing all those things for years. I try to do better and wait for better and cruise along then it all just keeps coming baack to remind me I'm not good enough, not really, for anyone or anything and all this waiting for a tomorrow that might be better to come is just beating a dead horse.

It's not going to get better and I won't be good enough but dont' worry I will not do anything stupid. I'm just so tired and I want to cry into the virtual arms of a bunch of people who probably don't think much of me either or wouldn't if they knew me (so I've been told.)

And then there are those people who do the same, and who TRULY aren't good people, and wind up happy anyway - it tells us that happiness is sort of unrelated to what we do. A trick of the brain, more than the outcome to the work we've been doing in this world.

I think you're right and that is what I was thinking. why keep trying to fight the good fight when it doesn't seem to make much difference when the tricfk of the brain seems to repel any happiness.

Fuck that 'not good enough' shit. You're wrong.

No im not, it was made perfectly clear to me.

Then they're wrong, and a piece of shit for saying it, so, you should pay them no mind anyway.

Fucking A, it doesn't matter what they think, it behooves them to knock you down for their status. It only matters what you think of you. Are you doing your best? That's all you can do. If someone says they can do it better, agree with them, and tell them to have at it. It only matters if you give a fuck... so don't.

The brain will do the reverse trick (you can trick it yourself) -- and then, all that work is no longer tasks for unappreciative people, but just stuff that you do for love or money?

Grav is right, you're a valued part of this community as you are, I suspect, IRL. Someone is trying to cut you down, as xoB says, for their own aggrandisement. Fuck that. Pity them. I do for their paltry, petty pitiful behaviour.


Sent by thought transference

I'm curious if these are "friends", family, or cow orkers?

Some people can be so very careless with other people's state of mind.

What qualifies this other person to judge your worthiness? Why accept their judgement as more valid than another?

We've seen at close quarters, in this place, how catastrophically wrong someone can be about their own value. Bri's family are still living with the fallout from that and will do so for the rest of their lives. And every longtime dwellar here felt and feels that loss at times. For all that I understand how depression and addiction can warp a person's sense of their own place in the world, it baffles me still how someone so warm and valued could feel so worthless.

I have no doubt in my mind that there are people who would be equally baffled that you feel this way about yourself.

"clear" and "true" have exactly zero dependencies on each other.

there's lots of stuff that's clear and true,
lots of stuff that that's clear and untrue,
lots of stuff that's unclear and true,
lots of stuff that's unclear and untrue.

Neither implies the other, ever. Try to base your belief and your actions on what is true, clear or otherwise.

Anon, these are just your inner demons talking and translating the words of those around you with bias. You know this, really, and it doesn't make it easier to bear, but soldier on, because the better times are ok, and we value you. We may be virtual friends, we may be IRL friends, we may be trolls, but we value you, and we don't value just any old words on a screen.

Reminded me of this:

This pic is from a couple of years ago
Today they did not make it back out.


Attachment 54240

The car had three people in it when they drove out on Mildrum Bar,
but when driving back to the ramp, the car went under.
... only 2 survived.

I had to delete 2 folders on my desktop. One was clean jokes, and the other articles I'd gleaned from the net and converted to WORD Docs with large print. Every month or so, I'd print these and send them to my 95 year old Aunt to read, then pass on to her fellow assisted care facility tenants.
Yeah, she died Thanksgiving morning. RIP Helen. :sniff:

My condolences, Bruce. At 95, your aunt must have been able to tell some amazing stories, and I'm sure she looked forward to the jokes and articles you sent.

Memory eternal.

Sorry for your loss, Bruce. You were a great nephew.

She was from a dirt farm in Vermont, married my uncle and went to Alaska for 3 years, down to CA where they bought one of the very first slide in truck campers, then back to MA where they built the house I showed behind my horses in the sticks thread. She taught 4th grade until she retired because the guy they hired for principal was a dickhead. Yes, lots of good stories.

That is so sad. Sorry for your loss bruce.

So sorry for your loss, Bruce. You were, indeed, an excellent nephew for your aunt.


Sent by thought transference

I remember you mentioning printing out those things for her to read and pass around, and I was most impressed. You are a very thoughtful person.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss, Bruce.

I'm sorry to hear that Bruce. It sounds like she was a good woman®. You did well by her.

Thanks. She was a champion berry picker. No shit, she could out pick anyone for any type berry, or wild grapes, 2 to one. Then she'd make jams and jellies, and give then to the senior center for their food sales. She made so much she worried about not selling it all, so every Thanksgiving I'd buy whatever was left and pass them out at Christmas. I'd get a thank you note from the senior center for my donation because she'd pass the money along. She was like that, a good person.

Definitely a good person, and the imprint she left on you still shows. I am saddened by the news of your loss. I'm sorry you're hurting.

Sorry to hear about Aunt Helen, Bruce.

Awesome women seem to run in your family.

:blackr:

Sorry bro

Sorry Bruce.

This.

Not just today, but, yesterday, and, tomorrow, and the next day, and......

Attachment 55196

I miss mah kitteh.

He was magnificent.