It's got a good beat, Mr Clark, I can dance to it.
OoPs. now I'm showing my age. :o

Let's not forget the equally vile "Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon", in which it is apparently intimated that until a female has got herself a man and lost her maidenhead, she isn't able to be woman...

Then there is the cunundrum poor, maligned (she said with sarcasm) Britney Spears found herself in when she was "not a girl, not yet a woman"--betcha a lot of teeny-bopper boys beat off to that one. Yuck.

I'm with you there. And anything by Celine Dion. <shudder>

- Pie

Yeah, Gary Puckett had those crappy songs, I'll have to agree with that. His voice gets on my nerves, too. Britney Spears is a teenybopper without talent who sounds just like every other teenybopper without talent out there nowadays.

One song I just cannot stand, though, is Spirit in the Sky. Don't know who sings it, don't care. It's annoying, and it sucks.


Sidhe

On the other hand--I am currently (as in right now) listening to Harry Belafonte. He's soooooo good. Day-O!

Sorry---:guinness:

Are you serious? so he is a fabricated country pop star?

oh lord.

*spirals into dismay and disbelief*

Brianna accidently put the Thompson Twins Hold Me Now on another thread. So I'll list it here. :)

Ugh -- I'd forgotten about "You'll be a Woman Soon" -- yes, equally vile. As to Puckett's voice, he and all the other caterwaulers of both genders (Dion, Carey, etc.) fit in a category I call "Sounds like they're swallowing a bucketful of cum." Ironic, considering Puckett's subject matter.

Actually most of them are fabricated to a greater or lesser agree, John Denver was just so obvious about it. Here are the lyrics to a Country Western Song that I really DO like:

Gone Country
(sung by Alan Jackson)

She's been playing in a room on a strip
For ten years in Vegas
Every night she looks in the mirror
But she only ages
She's been reading about Nashville and all
The records that everybody's buying
Says 'I'm a simple girl myself
Grew up on Long Island'
So she packs her bags to try to her hand
Says "this might be my last chance."

She's gone country, look at them boots
She's gone country, back to her roots
She's gone country, a new kind of suit
She's gone country,
here she come!

Well the folk scene is dead
But he's holding out in the village
He's been writing songs speaking out
Against wealth and privilege
He says 'I dont believe in money
But a man could make himself a killin'
Some of that stuff dont sound
Much different than Dylan.
I hear down there it's changed you see
They're not as backwards as they used to be."

He's gone country, look at them boots!
He's gone country, but to his roots
He's gone country, a new kind of suit
He's gone country, here he comes!

He commutes to LA
But he's got a house in the valley
The bills are piling up
And the pop scene just aint on the rally
He says 'Honey I'm a serious composer
Schooled in voice and composition
But with the crime and the smog these days
This aint no place for children
Lord it sounds so easy, it shouldnt take long
Be back in the money in no time at all'

He's gone country, look at them boots
He's gone country, back to his roots
He's gone country, a new kind of suit
He's gone country, here he comes
Yeah he's gone country, a new kind of walk
He's gone country, a new kind of talk
He's gone country, look at them boots
He's gone country, oh back to his roots

He's gone country
He's gone country
Everybody's gone country
Yeah we've gone country
The whole world's gone country

Songs like this are the reason I'll listen to CW occasionally. The song is a great parody of the whole CW/ Nashville scene, plus its got a great melody and rock beat that make me want to start dancing every time I hear it. (Alan Jackson appears on his covers in a very swank cowboy style suit with boots, (of course!) that would probably have bought an entire cattle ranch at the price. He doesn't pretend to be anything other than what he is.

I can't speak to John Denver the man, but I did like his music.

I'd like to get into your pants
 

For all you country music fans,
I Wrote this classic April 10, 2001

I saw you at the rodeo/
I had a date in mind/I asked if you'd go out with me/
You said "That would be fine"/
Now he we sit at Taco Bell/
Havin' refried beans and wine/
And I'd like to get/
Into your pants
'cause I juse shet in mine/

I thought I just had/
gas to pass/
God-damn them beans and wine/
My bowels just plain erupted/
Couldn't hold in in this time/
I didn't bring spare/
Underwear, but/
I sure will next time/
So let me get/
Into your pants/
'cause I just shet in mine.

Other titles begging for lyrics:

"You're much prettier than just three beers ago"
"Sniffin on her skid marks since she's gone"
"If you really really loved me, you'd have married someone else"
She had her only tooth pulled...to make room for my hawg"
"Next to you/Janet Reno's/Looking good"
Why don't they name babies Judas"
Everytime I see you / I wish I were born blind"
"She's got a mind / Like a steel seive"
"Bring your snorkel with ya / 'cause you'll be divin for my muff"
'I'm a prayin for Alzheimers / 'cause I still remember you.
"My poppa told me / Ya' can't unsuck a dick"

*snort* That's great -- could be a real song! You ought to write it up and shop it around!

Oh, CW has some great one liners:

"If the phone doesn't ring, it's me." - Jimmy Buffet

"Forget about it. I can't remember when it felt so right, so just forget about it." Allison Kraus

"Some people say you shouldn't tempt fate and for them I cannot disagree; but I say fate should not tempt ME!" Mary Chapin Carpenter

"You ain't much fun since I quit drinking." Toby Keith

etc.,etc.,

Hello Everyone,
I'm new here but I had to chime in on this one
Does anyone remember the macarena (SP?) ? :greenface

NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo! Not the Macarena!!

Welcome to the Cellar Tigana. Shame you had to arrive on such a *sour note*. :lol:

Imagine listening to the Macarena and Mambo #5 over and over and over again - I once was in the same room as a faulty jukebox that really liked to play those two songs over and over and over again.

AAAARGH! Not The Macarena! I'd forgotten the damn thing and now it will be playing in my head all night. I'll get you for this! :D

I have tried very, very hard to repress that memory. Particularly of AlGore "dancing" to it.

Thankyouveryfuckingmuch.

ooops! :biggrin: Heck of a way to make my first impression, but you have to admit if thats not the worst it's in the top 10 maybe even the top 5 !

The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles:
 

Do You Love As Good As You Look
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
Heaven's Just A Sin Away
Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You
know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All OverYou)
I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car
Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You
I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)
I Meant Every Word That He Said
I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him
I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I'm Not Married But The Wife Is
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat
I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time
I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me, Her Memory Will
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone
else Who Will
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad
It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me
It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long
Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your DearJohn Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
Please Bypass This Heart
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without.
Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love
Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
Touch Me With More Than Your Hands
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
You're A Cross I Can't Bear
You're Ruining My Bad Reputation
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Wow...as detailed as some of these titles are, who needs to hear the song?

jdbutler, are these compiled on a site somewhere? Or are you just amazingly fastidious to present them in alphabetical order for us? Funny stuff there, thanks!

BTW, my mom used to sing the "chewing gum" song to us -- I had know idea it was a REAL song, much less C&W!

I think "Chewing Gum" was pop rather than country, actually.

"I'm Going to Hire a Wino" is one of my favorite songs.

And I hate country.

I know that some may disagree, but I'm not that anally inclined so as to put them all in order. They were sent to me in an email years ago and I saved them to a file. As far as I know they are all real song titles, but they are funny! :thumbsup:

Another song that sends me into a blind rage - McArthur Park. I hate that song! :angry:

I recognize a couple, but many are definately ones that probably got 5 minutes of air time and were never played again. Country is actually an interesting genre. There's the sappy, "Ma' Coonhound done left me" group, but there are also some incredibly clever songs with great lyrics and a terrrific rock beat that make wading through the "coonhound" songs worthwhile. Its also like belonging to a secret club. Most people just hear the word "country" and their mind turns off. To each his own. I couldn't stand a strict diet of Country only, but there are some country songs that make me want to laugh and dance at the same time. Can't beat that. ;)

my sister once arrived at her 8:00am math class in HS to see the words to this song written on the blackboard, by the teacher who was in a frothing rage, screaming at the students: "DON'T EVER LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!"

Out of curiousity, I transcribed the song to see if I could divine some message that I should be warned against. No idea.

Terri Gross had Jimmy Webb (the perpetrator) on the other day and they chatted about the song. She failed to extract any useful info either.

As far as the math teacher goes I think they didn't had the really cool meds we have now...

FYI:
Written By: Jimmy Webb

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

[break]

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one
And I ask myself "why?"

[break]

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
Oh, no
No, no
Oh no!

However,
NOTHING is as bad as Cher's stirring "gypsies, tramps and thieves" You might as well say beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice.

how about "Flying Purple People Eater"

That's got to be one of the worst

Gosh I have to pick just one? There are so many horrible songs. Anything by Alanis Morissette makes me switch the radio station. I cant stand her, for some reason her voice is like driving nails into my ears. Anything by the Backstreet Boys or InSync is right up there too. I worked at a place that played them at least twice a day. It was horrible. There are other songs but its late and I cant think of them right now.

OK-here's one: Disco Duck

It should be pointed out, though, that Jimmy Webb is one of the great pop songwriters of all time, if sales are any indication. That, and I have a long-held, even if grudging, respect for him.

We do one of his songs in my band..."The Last Unicorn", originally performed by America for the soundtrack of the animated filim of the same name.

"Chewy, Chewy" by 1910 Fruitgum Company, the flipside of "Green Tambourine"...now *there's* a bad song.

... at the risk of being hit by anyone remotely religious... any hyms!!

Can you back that up any further than saying "they're religious, so they suck"? I'm not a big fan of religion myself, but some of those songs, properly performed, are truly works of art.

You're not going to get away with classifying an entire genre as "suck" here. You can claim all country, rap, R&B, or rock & roll sucks, but that telegraphs ignorance, not good taste.

Edit: Illustrative example: Eric Clapton performing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"

Anything by Gloria Estefan, specifically The Rhythm is Gonna Get You.

okay i can try to redeem myself here by saying, 'any hyms sung in a british local church' as that is all i have experienced, sorry for upseting anyone!

Ew, much better. I agree completely in that case. :)

True =Webb, and it should also be pointed out that because of the afforementioned math class incident the song has attained a dimension that I find priceless so I really enjoy it in a very perverse way. (well not like that) esp the version by the four tops. I think they could sing the phone book and I'd listen to it.

and in shame I drop my head and admit to owning the album with chewy chewy on it. What can I say? I was only seven and a "latch–key kid."

THERE SHOULD BE LAWS!!! :eek:

Ever heard those songs that have no tune at all, played in the whole scale? (C,D,E,F#,G#,A#,C) such as Debussy's Clair de Lune and such?

Dude...Clair de Lune, and most anything else by Mssr. Debussey, is incredible. I have like five different rendtions of just that one piece.

Wolf, tell him...tell him Tomita's version is mind bogglingly great.

Tomita's version is mind bogglingly great.

Oh, and if you value your hearing and sanit, stay WAY FAR AWAY from Schoenberg. (or anything else describing itself as "12-tone row".

Kronos Quartet - loath them! A friend of mine has every CD put out by this modern classical/jazz group and I once had to endure 6 hours in the car with her playing nothing but on her tape deck. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG! :greenface

Have you ever heard Kronos' version of "Purple Haze"? It is great!

I will admit that they can get avant gard to the point of noise, though.

achie breaky heart... *vomit* *wipe mouth off and laugh at mullets*

Maybe Kronos could do "achey breaky Heart." ;)

best worst song ever? the Shaggs "doin' it" it's so completely beautifully horrible.. like rubber-necking at a train wreck. I tried to find a link to it somewhere on the web, but so far no luck.

other than that pretty much the bulk of new country (bleargh!) most of the new crop of top 40 (punke).. yeah I know I'm getting old and out of touch with popular music.. HEY! wait a second.. I was never in touch with popular music :)

P.S. G.W. Bush wasn't born in Texas. :cool:

Worst song? "Everybody was Kung Fu fighting...but they fought with expert timing."

Eric Clapton sucks. :p

Hey now, "My Father's Eyes" is a good one.
As for bad, has anyone mentioned Hanson's MMBop here yet? That was pretty raucous.

Second posting down. MmBop worst catchy song ever.
Cannonball-(Breeders) best catchy song ever.

what about The Mr Blobby song!!!

what is the Mr. Blobby song?

Truly Brianna you dont want to know.

Two worst songs for me are "I've got a brand new combine harvester" by The Wurzels
and "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" as sung by William Shatner.

"Girl you'll be a woman soon" I hate on a sociopolitical level but kind of like as a soulful piece mainly because it works so bloody well in that scene from Pulp Fiction.

No. YOU suck. :D

Actually, while I've always enjoyed his old stuff, I would have to agree that his newer stuff (80's and newer) does kind of suck, at least when compared against his early work.

Clapton moves around the musical spectrum almost as much as James Taylor. His concerts almost guarantee you'll hear both stuff you love and hate. :)

All my favorite musicians turn into old Englishmen. :D

Holding Pete listening to Clapton do Wonderful Tonight at the Carrier Dome... :thumbsup:

I may be a dork but at least I'm an old dork. hmm.. maybe that's not quite what I want to say.

Omg are you serious!? I love Shatner... pure comedy.