No advice, just want you to know I am sending you thoughts and love from across the pond. We all fuck up now and then. If I was there, I'd hold your hair back for ya, make you drink a big glass of water, then tuck you in. :)

I second what UT says. Go to bed and make decisions with a clear head. you can't make good decisions when you've been drinking, no matter how seasoned you are.

Am interested to find I threw up twice. Will have to go check the toilets just in case.

I went to A&E.
After waiting for 2 hours to be seen, the doctor advised me he was going to call the Crisis Team. Yeah, they really helped last time I was suicidal - called me on my landline 24 hours after my GP advised them I was alone and afraid and felt unable to go home.

Meh - you get what you pay for.
In the end I walked out. Shoulda listened to UT and just slept it off (as I intend to now, £10 poorer in taxi fares).

I shoulda asked them to breathalyse me. I reckon it would have been a record. But because I presented myself (yes I heard the whole conversation) they didn't think I was in any danger. Not that I'm boasting - if I could drink less I'd be a much happier person.

Right.
Sort life out.
Tomorrow.
Sorry - today.
13 December is turning point for me. No more unhappy.

Thanks for being there people. I appreciate it.

SG, you know your parents know. Can you try to let them in to help? They want to so badly but they respect your pride too much to just wade in. You could do with some good friends on hand right now, and there are times when your parents can be good friends and I suspect this may be one of those times for you.

Ah, I have this issue with my Mum.
All through my childhood and especially those painful teenage years she would throw any confidences back at me when I was at my lowest.

"Look at the state of your room! No wonder Julie didn't want to be your partner in Drama!"

[Situation created for example - everyone wanted to be my partner in Drama because I wasn't cool but I was a good actress. For a 14 year old.]

If I let her in now, I risk being hurt really, really badly. I'd prefer tp dance around the elephant for a while. Who knows, maybe I can just wish it away. I have a feeling my parents would prefer that too.

What about just your dad?

....can you explain to him why you're afraid of letting your mum in?

You know as well as I do you're not drinking to feel good, you're drinking to feel bad... punishment. Knock it the fuck off. :eyebrow:

I'm not going to preach, just make an observation. It is all the rage now to re-learn how to drink. This assumes that alcohol isn't completely toxic to us. I still have a little voice in my head that says I could learn to drink reasonably. In my case, that voice is a cruel deceiver.

Good for you Griff that "little deceiver" is to me, also known as the voice of addiction. Do not listen.

This is the sentence that gives me the chills, SG. What sort of "again" is that? Again like last night? Again like the last time the parents were away? Again like last Friday? Again like the last time life spiralled down into depression?
How can we help you to stop doing it again? How can you help yourself to stop? Because you know you can stop, and you are worth helping.

Back in the land of the living.
Sigh.

Going to really work at it this time.
If I'm not constantly ashamed of my behaviour maybe I can let my family in more genuinely. I do love them, we are close, but the dancing around doesn't help.

Well - it would if it were literal - exercise!
And that's what I'm going to do tomorrow - get out and have a good long walk. I'll come back soggy, mind - we're having torrential downpours here at the moment.

Sundae--if it helps any, I was on a three day binger from tuesday until friday. i called the AA helpline,, my mom and dad (I spent last night at their house so if I had a seizure they would be there to take me to ER) and yeah, today sucks, but I'm not drinking today. Oh, and I had about a pint of vodka every hour or two. from tues to friday. Yeah, the withdrawal was insane. I love you. I am here for you,, such as my self is of any help. you are NOT alone.

Please keep it together ladies. This is the worst time of year, but you can see it through. We all care about you very much. g

Sometimes a walk in a filthy downpour is great as long as you've a warm house and dry clothes to come home to.
As Griff said, it is a tough time of year for all sorts of reasons and being out of work in winter really Really REALLY REALLY sucks. Try to get yourself a routine going SG - exercise, go to library for a scour of the job pages, or just a good read, is there anywhere you can volunteer (I know you've considered this) ... Hang in there SG - we're all here for you.
And Bri - good on you for calling on the resources you've got - that's a hard decision to make.
:grouphug: to you both.
did I say the jobless thing really sux?