> THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
>
> 1. Innovative
>
> 2. Preliminary
>
> 3. Proliferation
>
>
> 4. Cinnamon
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
>
> 1. Specificity
>
> 2. Anti-constitutionalistically
>
>
> 3. Passive-aggressive disorder
>
> 4. Transubstantiate
>
>
>
>
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
> DRUNK:
>
> 1. No thanks, I’m married.
>
>
> 2. Nope, no more booze for me!
>
> 3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
>
> 4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I’m not hungry.
>
> 5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
>
> 6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
>
>
> 7. I’m not interested in fighting you.
>
> 8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no
> coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!
>
> 9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
>
>
> 10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
>

Children's books
Daddy Has an Itch. Mommy Smells Like Fish: A Child’s Rhyming Guide to STD’s
The Best Things to Drink Are under the Sink
Toy Story 3: Buzz Gets a Woody
Is Angelina My Mommy?
Where the Wild Thongs Are
The Smith & Wesson Coloring Book for Kids
Ashley Has Two Daddies, and They’re Both Going to Burn in Hell
Dismemberment Donny Needs A Hand
The Secret Pot Garden
Princess Poledancer And The Twirly Tassle Gang
Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy & The Easter Bunny: Just The Beginning of a Lifetime of Lies
Math Will Make You Ugly
The Magical World beneath the Tarp on the Pool
All Alone with the Internet: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story.
The Fog in the Looking Glass (and Other Ways to Find Out if Grandma’s Still with Us)
A Buzzing in the Night: Why Your Wii Control’s Batteries Are Gone
It’s Not that Grandpa Doesn’t Love You, He Just Loves Drinking More
You Don’t Need to Think When You’re Pretty
Furious George Gets Cut Off on the Freeway
Why Do Grandma’s Boobies Touch Her Waist? (And Other Questions Not to Ask Out Loud)
Rachel Has Seven Mommies: A Children’s Guide to the Book of Mormon
Things We Can’t Afford because Your Father Left Us
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning
Frog And Toad Are Friends with Benefits

:lol: I like those, xoB

...and that's how the fight started
 

Today I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
and slipped quietly into the garage I hooked up the boat to the truck,
and proceeded to pull out into a torrential downpour. The wind was already blowing 35 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and confirmed that the weather would be that bad or worse all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible.."

My loving wife of 12 years replied, "I know. Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

True story:
Today I went to my disabled mother's house (our old house) to do some wash, re-organize her room and hang up some curtains she purchased awhile back. they all looked the same and I didn't bother to check the sizes... I asked if they were all the same to which she replied "yes, of course"...

I proceeded to dress the first windows (she wanted 2 panels per window). Huh? one is two feet shorter than the other.... pulled looked at the packages... first one 42X84. Second Panel package is 42X63... ok... lets take a look perhaps its a one off.... uh no... she had 5 different sizes of the same fabric curtains... I could only make one set... :facepalm:

At least I got a good laugh.

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

``Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale.''

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

good one, gravdigr!

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, ‘Do you think we’re out far enough, Barbie?” Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, “Nope, not yet Bubbles.”

So they row a little farther…. Again Bubbles asks Barbie, “Do you think we’re out far enough now?”

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, “No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest.”

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath she says, “OK, it’s finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.

very good

Before Chelsea's wedding Hillary wanted to discuss some of the issues newlyweds deal with ...

She asked Chelsea ... "Have you had sex with Marc yet?"

Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"

Hah!

A Man's Fairytale ...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "NO!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing
and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and
scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and
farted whenever he wanted.


The End.

rock!