So sorry Sundae. Talk to us about it, we're always here for you, you know.
:grouphug:

It's going to be OK.

:(

No, hon, we respected your desire to be sober and more importantly your attempts to achieve that goal. Neither of those things have changed. Amongst other things. Hard to change your life in one fell swoop. Fits and starts. Steps forward, steps back.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Just set the next set of steps.

Exactly what Dana said. And actually, I respect you for being honest with us about it too. We love you for your hoensty, and your overwhelming desire to be happy against all odds. Don't beat yourself up, just start over when you can.

And BTW, Fuck cancer.

SG - Be upset with yourself.....

ok thats enough of that - now move on and get back on the horse you've chosen to ride. We'll still be here either way and our support will not diminish.
Oh, and listen to that manc tart Dana - she's got the right outlook.

Yeah! You mustn't feel bad about yourself SG. I believe glatt. It's going to be OK.

I'm sobering up now.
The attitude downstairs is very frosty though.

Maybe I'll talk to Mum tomorrow.
Drunk or not I'm still their daughter, and they're not enabling me to drink.
I can't drink tomorrow anyway - no money. All bills/ debts paid and I do have food. For me and the boy. And litter.

Felt I should say that - Diz doesn't suffer if I drink.
Only I do.

Not exactly upsetting, actually mildly amusing, but on Pilau's behalf I'd like to offer up the fact that it's blowing a gale and raining heavily outside. he is currently hiding under my desk. I can feel the vibrations from his shivering, through my feet.




he doesn't like weather.

Apologised to Mum re drinking.
Tried to have a proper chat with her.
She said, "I don't know why you do it either. All I know is it makes us not like you."
This effectively ended the conversation.
I've been hearing this all my life - "I can't love you if", "I don't like you when" etc etc.

I would like to point out that I am not violent when drunk. Nor abusive. I did not steal from my parents to fund my drinking, and I disposed of my cans myself. I hid in my room the whole time.

This does not make it right. Of course not! And the potential for the opposite (above) is sadly always there. Except the violent and abusive parts.

I just wish they were different. As I'm sure they do me.
Oh yeah, and I want to die.

As the wise man say, your parents really know how to push your buttons... after all, they installed them.

You may drink to avoid the pain of not being perfect, but who told you that you have to be perfect?

Nobody's perfect. Not even me.

next time, don't let it end the conversation. Next time tell her "I don't like myself either when I drink". Tell her what you're telling us. If you can't say it, write it down and mail her a letter. tell her "It's hard for a person to love themselves when they feel their parent's love is conditional" Tell her you want to be the person she likes all the time, but if she wants that too, she must support you in the way that helps you, not necessarily the way she feels is appropriate.

it really seems like you two could benefit from going to some counselling together.....

Do you recall a specific incident that caused this minor puncture in the wagon wheel?

they fnck you up, your mum and dad
they do not mean to but they do
they give you all the sh1t they had
and add some extra just for you .... Philip Larkin

UT and Monster have good things to say here, SG. Hugs to you.

Stress.

I have the opportunity to sell my practice to an associate for an amount that eliminates all of my debt save the house and one car. In this deal I would continue on as an employee with an solid payout on my production and would keep my current clients with no disruption to them beyond a change to the letterhead.

I'm tired and worn out from being "the decider" and truth be told I'm just kind of tired being entirely on my own. IfI don't like working with him (even though we've worked together loosely for years) I can walk away and start over after 24 months with my clients intact. It shouldn't be that hard of a decision but there is just something gut churning about giving up the "I own my company" bit. :(