It's gotta be, "Wow Dad, you took a baptism for me!"

It's an odd one I know, but my favorite line ever is:

Homer: Linguo--DEAD?!!
Linguo: Linguo... IS... dead.

"We're sorry... Your finger is too fat to dial the telephone. To order a special dialing wand, mash the keypad now."

"You'll have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel".

Best Ralphie Quotes:

"The doctor says I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger out of there."

(on the 'Lord of the Flies' episode)
Ralph: "I ated the purple berries."
Bart: "How do they taste, Ralph?"
Ralph: "They taste like burning..."

"That's where I saw the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things."

When the superintendent is touring the school
"Hi, Supernintendo Chalmers. I'm learnding!"

"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me."

Chief Wiggum is buying all of the newspapers at the Quik-E-Mart
Chief: "I'm training a new puppy at home, and Ralphy here could use some touching up himself."
Ralph: "Dad says I'm this close to living in the yard."

and, of course, the quintissential Ralphy:

"I'm special!"

And Homer Quotes, just for the fuck of it:

"Mmmm....64 slices of American cheese. 63....62..."
(next morning)
"Ugh....2.....uh......1"
Marge: "Homer, did you stay up all night eating cheese?"
Homer: "I think I'm blind!"

"Alright, brain. I don't like you, and you don't like me, so let's just get through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer."

"Lisa, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

"Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins and eskimos."

(to the flinstones theme, while driving): "Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. Aaah!"
"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

(when Bart was hanging out with the gay guy who ran the antiques/campy shop in the mall) "He didn't give you the gay, did he? Did he?!?"

"God bless those pagans."

and, since I must sum up each character I mention with one quote:

"Beer, now there's a temporary solution."


Sidenote: I just saw the Sherry Bobbins episode, and the part where she floats off on her umbrella only to be sucked into a jet engine has to be the funniest damned thing I've ever seen.

Homer to Mr. Burns: "Oh, I suppose you're going to set the dogs on me. Or the bees. Or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark, they shoot bees at you".

Ralph in front of the school after being told he failed a subject:

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Ralph tarring the roof of 742 Evergreen:

Ralph: "Mr. Simpson? The tar fumes are making me dizzy."
Homer: [in hammock, drinking a Duff] "Aahhh..yeah, they'll do that."

Marge worried about Bart in the treehouse:

Marge: "What do you think he's doing up there?"
Homer: "Drug lab."
Marge: "Drug lab?!"
Homer: "Or reading comic books, what am I, Kreskin?"

And there was an episode recently, "Bart-Mangled Banner", where the family got Gitmo'd. You could quote the entire script if you wanted to...so funny.

Flanders: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all!!
Homer: Stupid sexy Flanders!