This is fucked. I blame LumberJim.

I'll have to continue anyway, LJ or not. To continue...
I had to get to the cheap hotel downtown, to collect evidence.

for not contributing?

looked like the mercenary was trying to dick with you.

i can't read more than like....4 lines....so.....don't take it personally.

i got the reference. don't taze me, bro.

No problem, LJ. but now, back to business.
When I arrived at the hotel, I asked to see the manager. I was introduced to Mr. Rob Travelers. I asked if he had noticed any unusual activity in or around his hotel lately. He replied that there seemed to be a lot of Governors fro NY state checking in and out lately. That confirmed my suspicions about the potato skins! T NY governors were coming to town to...

presumably, garner votes. Was it a coincidence that this town was chock-full of potato farmers, and all the sleazy seedy side business that came along with it? As I wandered the streets that night, I started to notice things. Things I didn't want to know. The prostitutes were making their clothes out of potato skins. The drug dealers were lacing the drugs with potato juice. Whatever this thing was, this force that had overcome Poppy and, indeed, Greasy Dick, it had infiltrated nearly everything in town.

I knew I had to find someone, anyone, who had thus far escaped the potato horror. I knew it had to be soon.

I decided to go to the all seeing Undertoad for advice. To get to the Toad's abode, I had to cross the River of Fire, then navigate the valley of death, and finally survive passage through the mountain of Hillary's used pantsuits.

When I finally got to Undertoad's neighborhood, I found it blocked by police cars and Television trucks with dish antennas on top. I got out of my car and asked a TV cameraman what was going on. He told me someone in UT's house had put a potato in the microwave. The massive explosion interrupted transmission of American Idol. Fire inspectors also notice the "Do not remove" tags were missing from several cushions blown out of UT's house. It was a bigger disaster than ...