...drive faster before you have to wait [20sec that feel like] an hour for the evil old lady whose going to cross the road just so she can make you wait and ruin your day [clearly having no plans of her own]?

A giant snot-man put a snot-pillow over my face and suffocated me.

My head exploded at the apparent inability of 5-7 year olds to pick up after themselves.
Turns out it looks nothing like David Cronenberg thought it did.

The explosion I mean, not the inside of my head.
I'm not sure he's ever really considered the latter.

I couldn't stand my house and my half-assed existence anymore so I torched the place and went down with the ship.

I died of an apparent self-induced MSG overdose during my lunch hour. What a way to go!

You and my son should be pen pals.

Died in a bizarre gardening accident, at least we don't think it was auto erotic asphyxiation...

Classic dealt with the insurance company
More painful than a stinging bee.
Had to go and kill some guy named Fred
then shot myself in the head.

I died like a dog for no good reason.

On the sidewalk?

There was nothing sweet nor fitting in my dying.