The Cellar - Well that's that

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- Relationships (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=34)

- - Well that's that (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=27644)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad (Post 819083)

... this woman gained 100 pounds during our time together and i was nothing but supportive about whatever decisions she made about it. somehow she still got mad at me and needed me to change. ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster (Post 819028)

... How long were you together? ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad (Post 819029)

8 years

Sounds like it's high time you scratched the seven year itch.

Sorry, bro. You know, you'll work through this, and keep on bein' you.

Damn Tony. Hopin it gets a little better for you every day.
At least now you've got no excuse to miss bowling with Jim & I.

Well, crap.

:comfort:

:(

I'm so sorry to read this.

WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman (Post 819108)

Damn Tony. Hopin it gets a little better for you every day.
At least now you've got no excuse to miss bowling with Jim & I.

word.

AND!

Let's go to Victory Brewing again sometime. Not only will I not judge you for having a 3rd beer, I'll chug you for who buys the 4th!

someone find that post Tony made where he was playing Bass in his old band, and there were some chicks hitting on him.

Sorry to hear this, Tony

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad (Post 819083)

but goddammit this woman gained 100 pounds during our time together and i was nothing but supportive about whatever decisions she made about it. somehow she still got mad at me and needed me to change. i don't know what a relationship is any more. it's not showing love. whatever that is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna (Post 819088)

whenever I'm pointing the finger of blame at someone, I've got three fingers pointing back at me. I LOVE to externalize my problems on to other people. Food for thought.

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster (Post 819093)

it's probably more about her than you.

Some people -when they realise they are unhappy with themselves/their lives- go for the jugular as a quick answer -get rid of everything and all will get better.

Maybe she realised you noticed the 100lb. Probably easier to get rid of you than that.... Maybe you don't care about the 100lb, but if she did (deep inside), doesn't matter what you thought.....

I agree with Bri and Monster. It could very well be externalized self-loathing. I've been there. On both ends.

She never wanted to go anywhere. She was actually apologetic about her weight. A few times we would run into people I knew and she was always like, oh god oh god I'm sorry people had to see you with me. And I was like, J, christ, don't ever say that. Shit happens.

But when I suggested she was unhappy with herself she would deny it

Quote:

someone find that post Tony made where he was playing Bass in his old band, and there were some chicks hitting on him.

This never actually happened to my knowledge.

oh. maybe that was some other UT I know.

or maybe we talked about it in chat.

or maybe I'm seeing the FUTURE!

Chicks hit on the skinny guitarist, not the fat bassist, it's just a fact of life.

eta no there was that one time when this lovely dark gal shook her ass directly at me, but it wasn't hitting on me, she immediately left after that, but I took it as her way of saying that I was bringing some serious funk which for a bassist is even better than actually getting hit on.

Thats what I was thinking of.

And she was hitting on you...and girls like the thick string.

•spoken in to my phone

"feels good after it stops hurtin"

I hope that will be your future [hugs]

Very sad. Sorry, UT.

But here's the thing - after all that time of being a part of something else, you need time to be yourself again. It sucks not having your partner there to chat with, bounce ideas off of, or just sit in silence, but you're clearly healthy in the head or you wouldn't be in mourning at the moment.

So, PLEASE don't try to fill the temporary void with anything else but yourself for at least six months, longer if possible. When my ex and I broke up after 11 years, I was just... broken, for want of a better word. I felt like one of my lungs had stopped working, or something.

But I learned to breathe again. And in that learning process, I discovered that I was actually a better, happier, healthier person on my own. I realized that I was what fulfilled me, and that whatever came along in the form of another person/relationship would be the icing on the cake that was me.

BE THE CAKE! :hug:

be the cake! I like it.