I think Diz knew you as well as you knew him. Animals sometimes have a calm wisdom that we lack, and I know he wouldn't have wanted you to feel badly about how things worked out. Honestly, I don't think you'd be feeling any better about it if you had been there. That poisonous part of our brains that lies to us would have just looked for another way you were at fault. So ignore that instinct, and try to free yourself to mourn him without what ifs or should haves.

RIP Diz.

I am sorry to sound harsh, but your rehab is a hell of a lot more important than a cat. I don't mean to hurt you. I only want you to realize you mean far more to everyone and your recovery should be your goal. Sundae, I love you and your health far outweighs a cat.

This bears repeating. It's so true.

So sorry darling. There are no words really. Just be kind to yourself. Now his cat spirit will be watching over you, and peeing in your room still too probably. xxx

Im sorry Sundae. Diz was a good kitty, and will be missed.

Oh Sundae. I'm so sorry.

:sniff:

:blackr:

Excuse me, I have to find Slick and hug him longtime.

Sundae - I am SO SORRY. I know all too well how much pets become a part of us.
*BUT* this was NOT YOUR FAULT. Things happen for a reason and perhaps the reason he was with another so that you could focus on your recover and his issues would not hamper you. The timing is too convenient. He knew you loved him, everyone knew that. In some odd way, maybe this was something he did for you.

Hugs to you.

:sniff:, again.

So sorry, Sundae. :sniff:

Sorry, hunny

Sundae, I am very sorry if I seem indifferent or even cruel. I don't have the anthropomorphic views that so many on here have. What I was hoping to get across was how your health should be the priority.

I am sorry. It's the way I feel

Sarge you were not either. And thanks to everyone.

I seems to be using the tools they gave me in rehab to hurt people.
Not liking myself much right now. So, soz and all that.

orly?

Who are you hurting?

you lost your beloved cat. that's gonna leave a mark. your family of choice here makes allowances, even that crusty old grouch Big Sarge. I know I don't feel hurt by you, but then, I don't speak for the others here... and I'm famously insensitive to certain nuances, so, maaaaybe I'm just missing stuff. If you've hurt me and I've missed it, give me another chance, will ya? I'll pay more attention this time. Meanwhile, give yourself a break, you've had a great loss that will take time to recover from.

You ain't missing anything Big V, nobody's scared of Sundae. She's not capable of grievous wounding, at best minor abrasion. :haha:

This is the container I received Diz's ashes in (the photo is not clear, it's a cylinder of a wood full of bluebells)
I make no apologies for carrying it with me, there was a genuine reason it travelled.
Now I'm faced with wondering where to scatter the boy, given that he was born and adopted as an indoor kitty. May keep him a while, while I think about it. I was his home in the same way he was mine. I wanted him with me when I wanted to die recently.

But anyway this paeon is to my Mum.
As discussed recently it costs quite a lot to have a cat to be put down.
Diz had a stroke and there was no choice. Mum paid.
It costs more to have the cat cremated separately and not just disposed of. Mum paid.
And it probably costs more to have a lovely container and not just a cardboard box. Mum paid.

Did I hear a single word about how much she spent?
No. Never.

And the weekend she came up to see me in Leeds, when I was still in rehab, Diz was already showing signs of being "not quite right", although the stroke took him suddenly.

She lived with me and the boy for a good few years. Yes, he was a major pain in the arse for her, with his unexplained urination in her extremely clean house, his occasional unexplained vomiting and his weird scratch/ bite attacks. But not only did he love her, she could see how much of a unit we were.

And she sat there, outwardly calm, as I prattled on about not being able to come home for Christmas as I couldn't leave the boy again. And how although rehab was sorting me out, I would sort out the flat for the sake of the Dizcat. And how I loved him so much and couldn't believe I could have let him live on the state the flat was in for so long, and how he was the only thing I would change about rehab.

I even took her to Leeds indoor market where they have kittens, to laugh and adore them and say they weren't a patch on Diz.

And she never twitched a muscle.

I do not mean that in in uncaring way.
She knew he was very ill. I think she knew he was close to death. And she knew US.
She did it because she loved me, and because I told her not to tell me if he had a problem, thinking it would be minor and would affect my treatment.
She sat there and took it all.
And don't forget she loved him too.

I did not deserve this.
Thank you Mum.