Turdulence - that windy feeling you get just before you're due to drop one ...

Green Apple Splatters

Turdulence - lumpy flatulence.

Tijuana Two-Step Turd - turd in liquid form that has a tendency to force its way out like kids from class on the last day of school, only YOU'RE the one yelling and screaming

Examination Emanation. That sinking feeling you get wearing light colored kakis while standing for your masters orals.

Shotgun shit. Leaves the bogpan looking like the side of a mud-splattered Range Rover.

Quantum Shitics...the scientific attempt to determine whether you're about to pass a liquid, gas or solid.

The Trotsky. Don't dawdle on the way.

Turdally comfortable - how you feel after a good one.

Okay, okay, someone has to do this, even if I get BANNED ....
Underturd - supreme being in a virtual environment who cannot take a joke .... [ducks to avoid missiles] ... (it's been nice knowing ya!)

The Soft Serve turd= The soft and squishy type that makes you feel like a soft serve Icecream machine. The little spiral mounds should only be attempted by pro-shitters. Often comes in different colors.

The last post was for Sixfeet, she dictated. Heres mine.

The extinction turd= A turd so foul and evil smelling that on exiting the loo you find that not only have the humans dissappeared but also the dogs, cats and assorted household animals have also fled. THis leave the house seemingly empty and desolate. The bodies are often found huddled together against the closed outside door where they sucumbed to the fumes.

The dreaded and openly-feared LMUBW (Left My Underbritches in the Bathroom Wastebucket) turd. A particularly menacing turd that disguises itself as a fart to escape its confines prior to its scheduled release. This particular variety causes one to walk awkwardly to the restroom, seek out the handicap stall, whip out the trusty pocketknife, saw one's underbritches off (since sliding them down and over one's shoes is a risky proposition at best), clean up, listen carefully to make sure no one else is in the restroom and deftly smuggle said underbritches out of the stall and deposit them in the restroom waste bucket and cover them with a multitude of paper towells.

There is one ray of sunshine to this otherwise nefarious turd and that is the cool breeze in unexpected places that ensues for the rest of the day.

One word of caution, however, when experiencing the merciless onslaught of an LMUBW turd is that when you come home and change britches you need to be alone lest you might have some serious 'splainin to do.

:thepain2: :turd: :Flush:

couple of things you left out

- spitting on toilet paper trying to get it moist enough to wipe your ass totally clean. You could walk pantsless to the sink, which would be ruinous if walked in on; or you could use the toilet water. Either alternative is unacceptable.

- doing a complete stink test of your remaining trousers to determine 100% whether they came out of this OK.

- the worry for the rest of the time that every little intestinal pain might be a return event "aftershock" which, sans drawers, would be absolutely 100% devastating.

Ooookay. I was sitting here trying to decide what to have for lunch while reading this thread. Beestie and UT's posts made me realize I'm not really that hungry anyway. Thanks guys. :sick: