Your kids do their chores, but you are struck mute and your hands and arms fall off.

I wish I could predict the outcome of sporting events.

Poof!
You become a Pro Wrestling scriptwriter.

I wish I could keep my health indefinately.

even after the dozens of tests, the doctors still can't give you a definitive answer on why your teeth keep exploding.

I wish I could take financial risks without having any negative consequences.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose... You're broke.

I wish I had gotten a PhD.

A PhD is bestowed upon you from on high---too bad it's in proctology!

I wish I could control the entire world.

You control the entire world. You're not good at it, though.

I wish I would stop procastinating.

NOODLE!!!!

dude.

i was writing it before there were any more. edited to reflect the new entries

Granted.

It's only procrastination if you remember you didn't do it. Your chronic Alzheimer's removes this burden from you. You really enjoy the novelty of your velcro closing slippers, every morning.




I wish I wasn't afraid to wish for something that y'all'll just mess up.

You no longer fear wishing for things that Cellarites will subsequently mess up, however, coming to grips with your fear shatters your grip on reality, and you wander the streets talking to telephone poles and dogs, calling out Wolf's name.

I wish I could do plumbing work.

Granted.

You are cordially invited to our next holiday feast. We can put all the leaves in the table, break out the card tables, dirty every pot and pan in the kitchen and there will be wine and merrymaking and gustatory delights for all! But since our small old house has antique plumbing and *no* garbage disposal, you are guaranteed a shot at some plumbing work, after all that food will need to go somewhere, somehow, and soon. So pick up your tools and prepare to show your plumber's crack to all.



I wish this current stressful situation with my mom was successfully finished.

settled But your so happy about it you celebrate by buying 35 goats with forewarned repercussions at home. :smashfrea

I wish I could retire.

You retire, and 5 days later paper and electronic record of your existance vanishes, Social Security, everything; you get pulled over speeding to Wal*Mart and end up getting deported to Ukraine.



I wish i didn't have ADD.

Your attention span focuses and legthens, until you realize that you are OCD.

I wish we could eat dinner at 7:00 in the evening like normal people.

Every evening you sit down to dinner at 7:00 pm and have a nice hearty bowl of cheetos and grasshopper pie, washed down with warm, flat genny cream ale.

I wish I had more time in my darkroom.