I was thinking it might be nice to create a collection of Sundae's best posts, or our favorites, and include them. The appropriate ones, I think. Although, remembering the whole Zengum and his mom debacle, maybe calling greater attention to her online presence might not be something she'd want.

Just a thought, something along the lines of how much she meant to us.

How about the Dwellars picture LJ made many years ago? And perhaps a Cellar mug? Is that design still reproduceable?

Prayer plants are nice in that regard.

Count me in, i want to help. :sniff:

Damn, I got behind and just saw the bad news.

Farewell Sundae, but only for a little while. We will meet again. For my part, tears are being shed. I also will donate for a gift or whatever.

I think I shall dye my hair some bright color in her memory.

These are my thoughts at this point:
The Cellar is a warm and amazing community that I feel honoured to be a part of, and an example of how the internet can bring people together in the best of ways. I have no wish to frustrate anyone's desire to express their respects to Sundae through a gift or gesture to her mum.
A plant and, if there is an amount left over, a request to Sundae's mum about what she would like to do with the money is the most sensitive way to handle this, in the U.K.
An anonymous cash gift would be very difficult to arrange, potentially upsetting for Sundae's mum, and I think Carruthers and I would be fending off questions about it from the recipient in no time.
Drawing family attention to Sundae's presence online is probably not wise , but personal memories from Dwellars, of letters and kindnesses received, of smiles and witty writing and a warm presence remembered would be treasured for years to come.


Sent by magic.

Of course, limey. I feel like i will defer to what you carefully consider to be best. Whatever we can do with the most grace and thoughtfulness...

It just doesn't even seem real right now, to me.

I think her Mum is well aware of Sundae's heavy involvement with the Cellar, so she'll know what's up with anything she receives signed Cellar.

What Limey suggests sounds good.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G850A using Tapatalk

Of course, she knows the customs of the natives. :D

I concur with limey's assessment for a collective effort.

Perhaps, since it's something Sundae would give her.

That would be more for us than her mum. Sundae has probably already shared with her mother everything she wanted shared around the time that they happened. If she wanted mum prompted to see more, she would have left mum her password to make it easy.

That would be a nice memento, if it's even possible.

The final collage is there in the thread. I'd have to do some digging to find the one of her individually. But I'll do it, if that's what we want to do.

Count me in for anything.

Thank you for your guidance on this, limey. I would like to contribute toward a floral arrangement or plant. Is there an address to which a personal note could be sent?

I agree that Limey would know best how to proceed.

I disagree FWIW. Given the problems Sundae had with booze and that when she was off the sauce she boozed vicariously through her parents...... I'm sure I don't need to elucidate further.

I have been gone some time from the motherland, but I believe the norm (and therefore appreciated thing) would be a floral contribution -if not specified "no flowers please" then a donation of any further funds to charities suggested by the family. Which I think is in concurrence with what Limey suggested. Sorry if I'm repeating, I find this thread hard to read.

What does Sundae's drinking problem have to do with her mother now?

I strongly disagree with distributing to charities. Mum has a huge expense dropped in her lap, and I want to help with that. It may not be standard custom, but she should understand the actions of those bloody colonials are to be forgiven.

I think a floral arrangement or plant and whatever is left going to her mum is a great idea. She is going through a very difficult time right now and (most likely) will be dealing with the passing of her husband in the very near future as well. Thats the best "charity" we could possibly donate to. In that, I'm with Bruce.
Limey, please let me know where to send my contribution.

This.

From what I understand about Sundae's mom from her posts, she was generally very traditional and did worry about "what people would think". I worry that a cash donation to her directly would cause awkwardness for her, no matter how much it would undoubtedly help and how well-intended

How is this only obvious to limey and monster? This is the deal, folks, whether it jibes with our sensibilities or not. We have to be together on this.

If Mum doesn't tell her peers, I won't. If it bothers her, then she can chose a charity and pass it on.

With respect to funeral expenses... In the UK, is it like it is here? Would she have had some type of insurance in place to cover the expense of the burial? Is she to be buried or cremated?

Wanting to give her mom money is maybe an action that would make us feel better. We're powerless to attempt to console her family because of the distance. Yet we need to do something. Do we need it for her, or for ourselves?

In my estimation, the cellar was Cherrys best friend. Collectively. But for Carruthers, limey and Dana, we are all to remote to attend the funeral, to hug her mum, to cry tears over her grave. It's frustrating. But that's our problem.

Is it possible for one of you that have spoken to her mum to ask what she would allow us to do? I know it's a lot of pressure to represent this community. And I appreciate whatever guidance you can offer.

This sucks so bad

I'm in.

that's just not how it works ... :( That would be rude and ungrateful, even if the giftor didn't know about it. Limey, Carruthers, Dana and other Brits right there right now will know best, but.... this stuff is instilled from birth. That would be a terrible burden, not a terrible relief. I can't explain better than that, I'm sorry. The only way you might ever get away with helping with funeral costs is to make an anonymous donation directly to to funeral director and have them discretely apply it to the bill. But that's a lot to ask someone to do on behalf of a collective. It's just an entirely different culture.

prepaid/insurance highly unlikely. Too young and no income :(

It's not as expensive, but I see costs have been rising exponentially recently.

Most are cremated these days, unless religious reasons prevent. There is no space for burial

OK I finally had an idea

Sundae liked parks and feeding the birds etc. Her mom might be OK with us buying a bench in a public park with a dedication plaque if it was possible. Or in a city center

^^^I'm down with this. I'm also down with sending money directly to Limey or one of the other Brits to do what they believe is best in this situation.

They are indoctrinated with their customs. That's why we threw the tea in the goddamn harbor, and do things our way.

There was a shaded arch of trees she posted pictures of a couple times. Like a path exiting a garden.... I can see it in my mind, but have no idea where to begin searching for those pics.

I'm devastated. She was the perfect woman

This isn't about us and making us feel better. It's about making her family feel better. If that means we don't give money, as has been stated multiple times as being unwelcome in the British culture, then we don't.

Why force the issue? Do you really want to make her mum feel even worse?

Let's not squabble over the details when our intentions are all of one accord, and for the best.
I am sure that the gesture of "taking up a collection" in Sundae's memory would be very positively received. We could send a plant with a message of condolence from the Cellar, and that would also be very well received. We could certainly convey to Sundae's mum that Dwellars would be very happy for any "leftover" funds to be used to cover funeral costs, but also give her the option to donate to a charity of her choosing if that is what she prefers.
As to a memorial bench - I think you are thinking of the park in Otley, LJ. Although she loved the park, Otley was not a particularly happy place for Sundae. Also, there can be a lot of red tape around getting permission to put new benches in such places.
Sundae's mum is grappling with red tape in Leeds and won't get home until tomorrow. We'll let you know what's decided about the time and place of the funeral - that would be a good deadline for donations.
I'm happy to collect donations, if everyone else is happy with that. Paypal payments as a "between friends" transaction so that there are no costs. I'd be grateful if you could put "Sundae's memorial" in the description so that if the taxman takes an interest I can show him that it's not a commercial transaction. PM me for my email address - discretion as to your participation is assured.

Thank you Limey, Dana, and Carruthers for being such very good friends to our Sundae.

I know your friendships meant so much to her.

I'm in...but we should still send a plant and a card.

Sending PM now...is it too early to set a deadline for donations to be made?

Yes.

Limey, thank you so much.

Thank you for everything you are doing limey. Pm sent.

Damn! Just looks what happens when you don,t sorry can,t find the key. Come much anymore,
I must had a nice card and small gift from her last week,
Rest now lovely lady.
Went from my @#$%&tablet. Bb

I will donate also, just say where. I can't until the 16th, but on that date, absolutely.

Stormie, PM limey. She was headed for bed a few minutes ago, so you probably won't get an immediate answer.

Buster!

Sorry that this is what brought you back, but it's good to hear from you.

Sundae's Mum has quite a sweet tooth. She may enjoy a box of chocolates. If anyone has Sheila's current address I'd be very grateful for it. I met her once and she is a lovely lady. I can't imagine how she's coping. I will contribute to the collective donation in whatever form it takes.

See your PMs.

Y'all decide what to do. I don't have pay pal, but Jim does and I will send him a check.

tarheel

Fuck this you guys

Sundae just can't be gone

I understood...
Step 1 = denial.

Thanks Bruce

El told me last night but it didn't really hit until I came back here

Be gentle with each other, folks.
The funeral is set for Friday 23 December and, weather permitting, Mr Limey and I will be there and at the wake afterwards.
Contributions, should you wish to make one, close on 21 December so that I can tally up and so on.

Oh, good.:)

I'm sorry I misunderstood. And I apologize for my previous post. Which I will now delete.

I somehow missed the last part of that post.:(

Well it's all Sundae's fault for causing this mess. But we'll forgive her like always, because it wasn't intentional, she didn't have malicious bone in her body. :p:

You and that Mr. Limes. You're good people, you are.

I hope the ferry is running for you.

Thanks. So do we ... so do we.



Sent by magic.

@$##

I checked in last late last week. Maybe I skipped the last few days because I could guess what was going to happen.

I am going to miss her. I Skyped with her a few times and as nice as her posts were, her cheerful voice added so much. The Mrs talked with her a few times and we both thought she was such a lovely woman.

I am so sorry to hear the news.

Rest in peace

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that 2nd one is how she is in my mind

[emoji2] [emoji2] you are a caring man, keep up the good work.

tarheel

We like this one at Chateau Limey.

Cheeky monkey!

She'll always have pink hair in my mental snapshots.

I find it hard to reconcile with how good she looks in all her most recent pictures (apart from the one where she fell). In hindsight maybe the sudden and dramatic weight loss was not a good sign.

Still so hard to believe.