The Cellar - Humor...I Need Humor...

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That right there is some comedy gold!

On the first day of isolation my true love sent to me
A cartridge in an uzi.
On the second day of isolation my true love sent to me
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the third day of isolation my true love sent to me
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the fourth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the fifth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the sixth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the seventh day of isolation my true love sent to me
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the eighth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the ninth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the tenth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bix pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the eleventh day of isolation my true love sent to me
Eleven rolls of Andrex
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the twelfth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Twelve snipers shooting
Eleven rolls of Andrex
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.

I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye on sale in the supermarket yesterday...

Attachment 70071

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

From that issue of Private...

Quote:

Keep it up
Laughter is the best medicine – unless of course you have syphilis, in which case it’s penicillin. There are no effective drugs yet for Covid-19 and the best ways to boost your immune system are not the nonsense new age supplements doing the rounds (there’s a $200 magic yoghurt pill you can shove up your arse) but laughter and sex. The second drug my GP surgery ran out of (after paracetamol) was Viagra. The best position for reduced transmission and improved lung function is the wheelbarrow. Just don’t go past your mum’s house. Enjoy your isolation. Look out for others. Try not to fall down the stairs. Don’t get caught in a bog-roll scrum (it’s the ideal breeding-ground for viruses). And remember it’s the simple pleasures, not the big scares, that give purpose and meaning to life. Coronavirus may yet teach us to behave in a kinder, gentler, less consumptive way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot (Post 1048955)

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

I hate that I do that.

Musicians are suffering...

When I said I was going to become a comedian they laughed at me.
They're not laughing now!

The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive haul of toilet paper at the airport yesterday.
Apparently it was concealed, wrapped in Cocaine.

My mate in Perth Emailed me that one yesterday.
Kindly address all complaints to him. Thank you.