With only a very slight mid-course maneuver in our evolutionary trajectory, aural communication could have developed in another bodily orifice instead of the mouth. I guess that means our Elspode would need to learn ASL or would that be ASSL?

Or:

I don't know what you had for dinner but it's no excuse.

I just lie.
"Did you fart"
Just look them dead in the eye and say "Nope" as honestly as you can muster without smiling. I pretend I am in front of Congress.
That way they know you are lying. You always get lots of fun reactions. Mostly very subtle confusion.
What sucks now is that most of my friends and family have figured out that if I am serious I am fucking around.

I think it is unnatural and insane to treat farting like it is wrong somehow and refuse to do so. I am polite about it (to me that means saying "excuse me" after I do it, nothing more)... in a good mood I have asked total strangers to pull my finger... I can usually get them to do it. I still think of it as an acting exercise to see how many different tactics I can try in polite company.
Yes, I can be a challenge to be friends with or be married to if you are humor deficient and/or self-conscious.

Daddy always told me "there's more room out than in."

Momma always said "ladies go hide in a corner to fart.'

Luckily, I have only brothers! You had to play the fart game, or wither away.

LOL.... "Daddy, why is mommy in time-out?"

:lol:

Furthermore, my appliance would be the equivalent of me having to wear a muzzle.

Why fart and waste it
When you can burp and taste it?

Better out the attic
Than in the basement.

Women do not fart.

We all know why.

You should never hold in your farts.

If you do then because farts are made of air, they will travel up your body and into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from.

Just thought you should know.

I don't - why??

Yeah, why? :)

Women do fart... it's just that their farts are flowery and not stinky

Obviously you have never smelt my farst!!:eek: