LMFAO @ dar. I can just hear ol' Willie gettin silly.

I have HEARD ole Willie. He hangs out at a truck stop near Waco and we've met twice now. He's a nice guy.

THE FIREMAN



Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his penis.

A woman asks, 'What are you?'
He says, 'I'm a Fireman' ???

'But you're only wearing a glass jar,' says the woman.
'Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob and I'll come as fast as I can!'
:eek:

I would think removing glass would save a trip to the emergency room...

Where do you think the siren comes from?

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the President’s health care proposals:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves..

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the 'end', the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington .

And the patients are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Why do they call them Patients? When I have to go to the DR, I'm anything BUT patient. Just saying.

But then they call their business a practice. Now that makes sense.

When Farrah Faucet died she went to heaven and god told her because she had been so courageous in her fight against cancer and helped so many others, she could have one wish. So she asked god to save the children.......so God killed Michael Jackson. :)

http://i43.tinypic.com/33tgu9d.gif


ah maybe this belongs in the WTF thread.

ya kind of

Dogs at Negative G's. Tonight, on Animal Planet.

I love how the dog doesn't really look that freaked out. I know I would be!

Hilarious! That's very interesting! Wow.. funny!! :D :D

the forecast calls for spam

...sniffs air......nods head......waits.

at least it isn't raining men

If Russia attacked Italy from behind, would Greece help?

It would if they were really Russian (rushing).

BULLFROGS & BLOW JOBS

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet,

but she didn't want to spend a Fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog.


They say it's been Trained to give blow jobs!'
'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.




'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...

No More blow jobs for her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband,

he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off! ..

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this Less than riveting act again.



In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans Flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.

She ran Downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading Cook books.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone.'

Learning medicine in class

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.

Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they
know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'

The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
'It is used for diarrhea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, and
maybe that shit will get harder.''

A powerful message from Stevie Wonder on Michael Jackson’s death…



....... .. … … .. …..
.. .. . … . . . . . .. . .. …. .. .. . … ..
... ... .. ... ... ... ... .... ...... ... ... ... ..... ..... .. .
.. . . … .. . . . ..
... . ..... ... .... .... ...
...... .... .... .... ...... ..... ..... .. . . .... ....
. .. .
. . .. . .. . ...
....... ... ... ... .. ... ....... ... .. .... ... ... ..... ....
. .. .. .
.. ....
.. . . . . . .. .. … ..
.. .... .. ... ... ....... ...... .....




Deep stuff.

I nearly cried when he said “. .. . . . .. .. … .. .. . . .... ....”

Why can't I own canadians?
 

From here. It's old, but new to me:


Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Definitely reminds me of that West Wing episode.

That's because the writers of that West Wing episode blatantly plagiarized it from the internet forward, which had been around long before. :)

The Helen Keller Simulator

I oculdn't get it to load... maybe some kind of javascript incompatibility?

how long did you stare at it?

does anybody know braille?
 

<title>Helen Keller Simulator</title><body bgcolor=0>
<!--
. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. . .
.. .. . . . . . . .. .. .. . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . ..
. . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . .. . . . . . . . .
-->

It feels like a computer monitor.

:::facepalm:::

Sorry, jim, did you say something?

what?

if you view the page source info, there is a coded message written in braille.

. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. . .
.. .. . . . . . . .. .. .. . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . ..
. . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . .. . . . . . . . .
-->

it says 'this is not the source code you are looking for'

Also...

click here for National Public Radio for the deaf and hearing impaired. One of my faves.

Link-y no work-y.

What? You can't hear it?

link
?

Well I'll be damned. My joke turned out not to be a joke after all. Good find, Pie.

Neil Armstrong is being hailed on the anniversary of the moon landing. He is from Ohio.
The first man to orbit, John Glenn, was from Ohio.
The first man to fly, Orville Wright, was also from Ohio.
It shows that no challenge is too great when a man is trying to get out of Ohio.

:lol2: It took me four years to escape Ohio. Four looooong years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45DFVyriVI0

Played at the gym a lot.

:lol:

Don't forget the 8 US presidents from Ohio.

Also, NC? First in Flight? I don't think so...you were just a location. :rolleyes:

Yep. I paid a screwed up ticket in his town to help pay for the shit.

It was all about the wind. Ohio sucked, but North Carolina blew.

And we have the phallic monument to prove it.

We just have half the area named after the Wright Brothers.

call THAT a phallic monument? ha! try this:

Ypsilanti water tower

It's not how big the monument is, it's how well you make use of the historic significance. Or, umm.... something.

I saw this and thought I'd like to share it. It's kind of funny so I thought this was the appropriate thread. This looks like a really fun wedding to be a part of.

I certainly agree! :D Btw, anyone knows the title and artist to that song? I like it. :D

I really like that wedding vid, radar. How unique and fun!

It's a "kick them in the cunt" montage!

This was on the news today.

Must have been a slow day.

Forever by Chris Brown

the link was funny

http://educ.queensu.ca/~fmc/may2004/.../braille04.png


yeah I probably didn't get the joke:p

Beware!

:lol2: hilarious!